The Great Switch
by StoryCrafter
Summary: Wanda and Mrs. Turner have mysteriously switched bodies and now Wanda has to take Timmy to rescue his mom despite her no longer being a fairy. PG to be safe.
1. All's Well that Begins Well

Fairly Odd Parents copyright Viacom

The Great Switch

Chapter 1: All is Well That Begins Well

Written: 27 Nov 2004

Posted: 27 Nov 2004

Timmy Turner ate a breakfast of ham and eggs with his parents. While he ate, he was looking at some newspaper comics that somehow had the faces of Cosmo and Wanda on them. "Aren't you forgetting about today's homework, Timmy," the Wanda in the _Peanuts_ strip asked.

"No, I got it here," Timmy said confidently before reaching for his schoolwork to show Wanda that in fact he did get it done. But…

…he couldn't find it.

"I'm doomed," he said.

He ran.

He ran in the direction of the stairs.

Wanda held her forehead. "How many times must he do that before he remembers his homework?"

"At least we can say this much about our Timmy," Cosmo said from the _Garfield_ strip above. "He's consistent."

Wanda sighed.

Upstairs in his room, Timmy was tossing papers all over his floor from a big pile of them by his bed. "Where's that report? Where's that report," he repeated. "Where is that report?"

"Timmy," his mother called. "The bus is here."

He thought that he was going to have to go to school without it. But miraculously, he spotted it on top of the pile. Now how had missed that? But he didn't have time to worry about that then. He would have to wait until later. He had a bus to catch, lest he be late _again_. He knew what would happen if he missed the bus.

Francis.

Timmy zoomed back down the stairs and back into the kitchen, where his mother was waiting for him with a brown paper bag in her hands. "I something special for you, Sweetie. Liver and yam sandwiches with sliced pineapples for dessert."

"But that's what Dad likes, Mom. There's no way that I'm going to eat that yucky stuff."

"Oh, well then." Mrs. Turner looked very surprised. "But what did I give your father." Her eyes widened and she pulled a couple of bills out of her pant pocket. "Here is some money then." She handed them to Timmy and kissed him on the top of the head.

Timmy didn't enjoy it but let her do it. "I love you, Tommy. See you after school."

_Unless Vicky's babysitting_, Timmy thought as he left for the bus.

After he had found a seat on the bus, he sat alone except for his fairy godparents. "I wish that my parents didn't hire Vicky to be my babysitter anymore."

"Oh come on, cheer up, Timmy," said Cosmo. "Without her, you would never have met us."

"That's true, I guess," Timmy sighed. "But that's why I said, 'anymore'."

"Okay, here we go," Wanda said.

Both her and her husband waved their wands. **Poof**. Nothing apparent happened.

At first.

"What happened?" Wanda suddenly said. "What am I doing here?"

"Wanda, are you feeling all right?" Cosmo said. "You don't look yourself."

"Wanda? My name is Maria. Maria Turner." Wanda looked down at her body. "And why am I so short?"

Cosmo clutched Wanda's arm. "I think you'll going to need some psychotrckic help." He waved his wand and both fairies were gone.

"This can't be good," Timmy said.

"Are you talking yourself again?" A.J. was leaning over the back of Timmy's seat with his best bud Chester.

"Yes. Why?"

"No reason," A. J. said.

Chester was less kind. "It's just that we're beginning to think _that you might be a total loon_." A. J. elbowed Chester in the side. "What?"

Timmy shrugged. "No, that's all right. Who isn't a loon these days."


	2. Cosmo Runs Away

Chapter 2: Cosmo Runs Away

Written: 1 Dec 2004

Posted: 1 Dec 2004

Wanda had only two questions when she had found herself at the driver's seat of the Turners' family station. One, where was the car currently headed? And two, how in the world did a wish that the Turners wouldn't hire Vicky baby-sit suddenly transport Wanda into the driver's seat of the Turners' family station wagon? She didn't question her sudden presence in the car, as this sort thing happened to her all the time. Her god kids weren't exactly the most careful of wishers, especially before she had married Cosmo. So Wanda did the only thing that she could think of.

She stopped the car on the side of the road. And took a good, hard look at her immediate surroundings. From the positioning of the houses and those street corners, she wasn't that far from Timmy's house. But she noticed something very odd in the rearview mirror. She looked closer.

And saw Timmy's mom's face staring back at her. "Oh now what?"

She paused. Her voice sounded a little… odd. It wasn't something she could put her wand on, but there was something different about her voice. Though, Wanda figured, it was Timmy's mother's voice. But speaking of wands…

She raised her wand to poof herself to where Timmy was. And it took her longer to realize that there was no wand in her hand than she wanted to admit. "Holy crap," she whispered. "I must have switched places with Timmy's mom." She frowned. "But how did Timmy's wish cause _that_?"

She scowled as she put the car back into third gear. Then it occurred to her that she had never shut off the engine. She shrugged before pushing on the gas and knocking down a mailbox on her back onto the street. She had gotten some practice driving playing Timmy's racing game. But wasn't there some special significance about the direction the cars went. Well, whatever it was, she would figure it out eventually.

But first he had to get to Timmy. Things were a little derailed again. If Wanda was in the Mrs. Turner, where was Mrs. Turner?

- - -

"That's not Wanda at all, you idiot," Jorgen yelled.

Cosmo shrunk back. And took a tentative look at her wife. Yep, still the same. Although with a look of abject confusion and shock on her face. "What's going on? Where am I?"

"She looks like Wanda."

Jorgen grabbed Cosmo with one of his massive hands. "That's just her body, you fool. Some alien force has taken over her body. Though not by choice, it would seem. Now both of you must be taken away for study. And… questioning."

Cosmo swallowed. He didn't like the sound of that at all. Or the sight of the white, empty chamber with giant, bronze doors on the far wall. "But what about Timmy?"

"He will be well-taken of while you're gone."

"By who?"

"That's whom, you bumbling fool." Jorgen snapped his finger. "But you have more important things to worry about now." The two bronze doors opened and two fairies from the Funny Farm came in with butterfly nets in their hands.

"You'll never take us alive," Cosmo said. Quickly, he held Wanda close to him and poofed them away. He didn't care where. Just as long it was far, far from there.

Jorgen sighed. "Release the hounds." Normally the thought of releasing the hounds would have thrilled him, but this week's hounds were actually French poodles. Not exactly the scariest beasts around.

- - -

Timmy was at his desk when he saw a fairy poof in the room in the corner of his eye. He turned, smiling in anticipation of the sight of either Wanda or Cosmo. But frowned sharply when he saw who it was.

"What do you want?" he asked Juandissimo, who had assumed the form of a bumblebee.

"I'm here to watch during the absence of Cosmo and the ravishing beauty that is Wanda."

"Oh, really? Where are they then?"

"They're, ah… getting help for Wanda, who is broke up over losing me is my guess."

"That doesn't seem very likely," Timmy said.

"No senorita can resist the charm of they call," he posed, "Juandissimo Magnifico."

"Wanda did."

"And look at what has happened to her as a result that rash, and ultimately, tragic decision."

"Oh brother."

He started to the whine of a speeding car on the road. "Cool a high-speed police chase," he said. The whole class looked out the window to see.

"Eyes up front," Mr. Crocker snapped.

But what the students saw surprised them. Timmy's mom was driving the station wagon straight for the classroom at full speed. "Timmy's mom has gone nuts," A. J. yelled. And everyone started running from the windows.

Everyone but Timmy that was. He watched in total shock as the car leapt into the class, crashing through the window and into floor next to his desk. His mom poked her head out of the car door. "Get in the car. Now, Timmy."

Something was a little off with her voice. But it was a perfect excuse to get out of school. "See you around, suckers," he told his class before leaping into the car.

His classmates watched the car back out with a mixture of envy and awe.

"So that's where he gets it from," Mr. Crocker said.


	3. The Switch is Exposed

Fairly Odd Parents copyright Viacom

Chapter 3: The Switch is Exposed

Written: 2-3 Dec 2004

Posted: 4 Dec 2004

Timmy had quite the morning. First Wanda went nuts and Cosmo disappeared towing her along. And then Juandissimo appeared in his class, claiming that he he was his temporary godparent while his were gone. And finally his mother crashed the family sedan into class and dragged him away from school. Not that he was ungrateful for that. But things were getting a little weird for his tastes.

"Mom?" he started tentatively. "What's going on?" He was afraid that he might an answer, but he had asked the question anyway. It was just that she acting a mite unusual. And driving unaccountably worse than usual.

"That's a very good question, sport," Mom said as she narrowly avoided hitting an oncoming semi. "But I am getting better at this driving thing, don't you think, Timmy?"

He shrunk back into his seat. "You're not my Mom. Who are you, and what have you done with my mom?"

"After all those months and still can't recognize me?"

"Wanda!" Juandissimo said. "Is it even _possible_? Could that really be you? In that ugly exterior body?"

"Hey, that's my mom you're talking about there, pal," Timmy snapped.

"A thousand apologies, Timmy Turner," Juandissimo said. "It was the shock of seeing of my beautiful Wanda in some other body."

Then it hit him what they were talking about. "Wanda? How can be you in Mom's body?" His face turned pale. "And where is Mom?"

"Apparently in my body, Sport." Wanda swerved to avoid hitting a jeep heading in their direction. She almost made it. Timmy winched as he heard the paint being scarped off.

"Is that really Mom's body you're in? Or is just a big practical joke? And I'm the butt of it? I mean, how can a wish that parents not hire Vicky not to baby-sit me anymore possibly make you switch bodies with my Mom, anyway?"

Juandissimo was now in his normal fairy form. "That's a _muy buena_ question, Wanda."

"As your mother, Timmy," Wanda said quietly, "I could talk your father out of hiring Vicky."

"Dear God," Timmy whispered hoarsely. "What have I done?"

"So, Juandissimo. Why are with Timmy and not Cosmo and Timmy's mom who is in my body?"

"Upper management discovered that there was something wrong with 'you' so they brought Cosmo and and what they think is you for questioning."

"This could be bad."

"Why? What could go wrong?"

"Everything!"

"Could you be a bit more specific than that?"

"Well, he could burn Fairy World down to the ground."

"Oh what are the chances of that happening?"

"He's done it before," said both Wanda and Juandissimo.

"Oh."

"And the bad news," Wanda said, "is since I'm a human now there's no way I could get to Fairy World on my own."

"Oh great. Now what do we do?"

"We must get to Fairy World and find out the extant of Cosmo's damage to the place."

Timmy sighed. "Juandissimo. Would you please do the honors."

"It would my pleasure." He waved his wand.

And Wanda was back to being a fairy. With a wand and a crown. Only she was in the body of Timmy's mom. His eye twitched. He had never imagined his mom being a fairy before. "Wanda," he said, "I wish that we were in Fairy World."

As Wanda moved to grant that wish, the station wagon crossed the median toward an oncoming yellow delivery truck. Timmy was screaming at well above the top of his lungs. They just weren't going to make it in time.

- - -

Vicky's pencil snapped in her hand. "There's a disturbance in the Force." She didn't really believe in the Force, but it was the only way she could to think of to describe what she had just felt. A wave of some kind of energy passed through and left. Strangely enough, she knew what it meant. Off in distance, somewhere, a twerp had just gotten a new fairy godparent. Which was of course impossible, as there was no such as fairies.

Or were there?

In any event, she knew she had to go investigate whatever the source of that new power was. But first she had to get out of class. She raised her hand. "Is there a problem, Miss Spain?" Mrs. Forrest asked.

"Yeah, I have to go really, _really_ bad," in a sugary sweet voice.

"Okay, Miss Spain. Go right on ahead. But tarry."

"Don't worry, Mrs. Forrest. I won't tarry." The first thing she was doing was hopping into her car and burn rubber. She left the class without one slip on her good-girl persona until she got out into the hall where she dropped that act like sack full of angry cats.

There was a twerp that was going to die for disturbing her universe. As soon as she found him, that was. _Better get cracking then_, she thought with maniacal glee.

She left her high school, laughing evilly the whole time.


	4. Where's my Mom?

**Don't worry everyone. This story will have plenty of Juandissimo in it.**

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 4: Where is my Mom?

Written: 10 Dec 2004

Posted: 10 Dec 2004

Timmy found that he could relax when he found himself in Fairy World. "Man, talk about cutting it close." Then he noticed something peculiar about Fairy World.

It was still in one piece. No buildings burning to the ground. No streets filled with panicking fairies. No Jorgen. No fairy-forces on alert. No cookie brigade. "Huh. I guess that Cosmo didn't burn the place to the ground," he said after surveying the non-damage of the area and watching the normal fairies doing their normal fairy activities.

"I have been known to be mistaken before you know," Wanda shrugged. "But then again, he might have been sent to the Oracle's Temple."

"The Oracle's Temple?"

"That's where the Oracle gives fairies like us advice," Wanda replied before floating off.

Juandissimo floated after her. "Don't leave me again, my sweet Wanda. My poor heart can't take it."

Timmy sighed. It was going to be a long day. He hurried his pace to catch up with the two fairies. He wouldn't want to be left behind, as he didn't know his way around Fairy World. "Who's this Oracle person, Wanda?"

"Well… Do you know what an oracle is?"

"No," Timmy said, conveying the message, _Of course I don't know what an oracle is_.

Wanda sighed. "An oracle is a priestess who tells the future."

"You mean like a prophet?"

"Sort of."

"That was all you needed to tell me, Wanda."

"Oh." Wanda sounded dumbfounded. "Of course."

Actually, after Timmy had gotten good look at the streets Wanda, Juandissimo and him were traveling, he noticed that they were less fairies than usual. Where was everyone?

"Is there a deadline on rescuing this poor boy's mother?" Juandissimo wondered aloud.

"Don't be silly. Now why would you say a thing like that?"

"I would hate if something happened to the boy's mother."

"Thanks for the concern, but the boy does have a name. If you're going to be his godparent, then the least you could do is use his name."

"A thousand pardons, milady," Juandissimo bowed.

Wanda sighed. "You don't have to apology. Just start using Timmy's name."

"It shall be done."

Wanda nodded. Timmy noted that she neither apologized nor answered his question. "Is my Mom in any danger, Wanda?"

"Let's just see what the Oracle has to say about that."

"Don't you know?"

Wanda hesitated.

"Don't you?"

"I'd better not say."

"Why not?"

Wanda didn't answer that question either.

"What aren't you telling me?"

"What happens when it is discovered that your mother is me?"

Timmy's face paled. "Uh oh."

---

Maria looked all around here after she had found herself deposited in a wide field surrounded by stands of trees. The sky was pink, but she didn't let that distract her from the fact that she could now fly. She had never imagined she would be able to fly, except by buying an airliner ticket. Now she would never need another plane ticket ever again. She could fly herself there. And if what this Cosmo fairy had done was any indication, she could have him poof her to wherever she wanted to go. Her old body was a small price indeed. It had all the right parts in all the right places. If only her husband could her now…

Maria stopped in the middle of doing a loop-de-loop. Her husband. He was probably worried about her. He floated down to Cosmo, who was sitting against a tree. "Can't I go back home now, Cosmo?"

"Why would you to there for, Wanda?"

"My son, Timmy. And my husband."

"But I thought I was your husband, Wanda." Tears started to well up in his eyes.

"I'm sorry if I'm making you cry, Cosmo. But as I told you, I'm not Wanda. I'm Maria Tambrine Turner."

"Who?"

"Not your wife for one."

"Turner? As in Timmy Turner?"

"Yes, that's right. He's my son. Do you know him?"

Realization came to Cosmo's eyes. "Oops."

"Oops? Oops!? What is that supposed to mean?"

"Lady, we have a little problem here."

"What problem?"

Cosmo lowered his voice down at a whisper. "The Fairy Squad."


	5. Making an Appointment

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 5: Making an Appointment

Written: 18 Dec 2004

Posted: 20 Dec 2004

"What's the Fairy Squad, Wanda," Timmy asked.

"There a group of fairies charged with ferreting any unauthorized humans from Fairy World. And they're very, very, very good at what they do. You wouldn't want to hear some of the stories I've heard."

"Then where were they when Crocker was running amuck in Fairy World, huh?"

"Uhh…" went Wanda and Juandissimo in way that was eerily similar to the way that Wanda did with Cosmo. It was Wanda who broke the ice. She pointed to a nearby building. "That's where they're headquartered." Timmy could tell that. It was a big building that said _Fairy Squad_ on the front.

"In the middle of town," he asked. "Just how big is fairy world, anyway?"

"As big as we fairies want to be," Juandissimo replied. "It is, as they say, the only way it should be."

"Riight."

"But it's true, Timmy," Wanda said. "Fairies have created this place a long time ago to take care of deserving boys and girls, and since then most of us have sort of moved into the place."

"You mean there's fairies living outside of Fairy World?"

"Of course." Wanda paused. "But there isn't very many of those."

They were turning into a small office. "This is where the Oracle is?" Timmy asked. This place somehow didn't seem to him to be the place that Oracle would reside.

"No, of course. We're just here to set up an appointment first."

"Oh."

They entered a waiting room filled with fairies, some of which had their godkid with them. "Is it always this busy," Timmy asked.

"But of course," Juandissimo answered as Wanda went to the receptionist. "Who doesn't want to poke a hole into the vast unknown that it is the future?" He was kneeling on the floor clutching his hands in front of him.

Timmy felt something poke his shoulder. He turned around. He found a blue-haired fairy who looked very elderly with her godkid, a blonde wearing a pink dress and a red bow in her hair. "You might want to play with Sally here. This is going to take awhile."

"How long have you been waiting here?"

"Oh, about two weeks now."

"We have problem."

"Oh?"

"My Mom switched bodies with Wanda, one of my fairy godparents and now we can't find her."

"Don't we worry, son. I'm sure that Wanda will show up."

"My mom's missing. Not Wanda."

"Oh, I see. You do have a problem, don't you? Just be glad that glad that your mom isn't in Fairy World lest the Fairy Squad catch her."

"Why? What would happen to her if they did catch her?"

"Nobody knows."

Timmy swallowed. "But this was the first place that Cosmo took her."

The fairy's face paled. "I guess that we'll have to help these fine people, right Sally?"

Sally's answer was to kick Timmy's shin. "Why should I?" Then she ran to the Girls' room.

Sally's fairy sighed. "I wish that George were still here. He knew how to handle brats like Sally. Wait here while I go get her." She nodded toward Juandissimo. "Juandissimo."

"Fanny," he nodded back.

She left to go get Sally.

"You know this fairy," Timmy asked.

"Of course. That's Wanda's mother."

"I didn't know that Wanda's father was dead." As matter of fact, there was a lot about Wanda that he didn't know. Like anything about her family.


	6. The Other Fairies

Chapter 6: The Other Fairies

Written: 1 Jan 2005-6 Jan 2005

Posted: 6 Jan 2005

Lucas watched the two fairies approach the farmhouse from the porch. He smiled. He hadn't seen Wanda in quite awhile. Not since the reunion a couple of years back. And he didn't remember the last time that he had seen Cosmo, but he did know it was a lot longer than when he had last seen Wanda. Which was just as well, as he lost his anger over whatever had happened between them. He even had forgotten what it had been.

"Hello, Wanda," he said. "What brings you by?"

Wanda took a very long second going up the front steps before answering. "We need your help."

"Oh?"

"When is Wanda not Wanda," Cosmo asked suddenly.

Lucas sighed. "Okay, when is Wanda not Wanda?"

"When she's somebody else!"

Lucas snorted. "You call that a riddle?"

Wanda's eyes were getting wetter. "That's it. I am somebody else."

"Oh, is that so," Lucas chuckled. "Then you would you be?"

"I'm Timmy Turner's mother," Wanda said.

"Timmy Turner?"

"That's our godkid," Cosmo supplied.

"Ah." Lucas turned back to Wanda. "Now I know for a fact that fairies and humans can't switch bodies."

"Wait a sec," Wanda said. "Who said anything about switching bodies?"

"What else could the problem be?"

Wanda looked to Cosmo, who just shrugged. "Uhmm… I can't think of thing."

"Exactly. But I must admit that you're acting very out of the ordinary, Wanda."

"Don't be blind, you fool," Cosmo said. "Wanda would never pulled a prank on you, Lucas. Or anyone else for that matter. She just isn't capable of it."

"I don't know. I think she might a lot of hidden talents that just might surprise us."

"Maybe switching bodies with humans is one of these talents," Wanda said reasonably.

Lucas thought for awhile. He assimilated all that he just heard into his thought matrixes. Indexing, cross-referencing and storing away for future reference. Soon he came up with an answer. "No, not possible."

"Why you pig-headed, chauvinistic, blind fool." Wanda suddenly lunged for his neck, catch him off-guard. She got her fingers around his neck and starting to wring the life out of him. "I have been through too much already for you to dismiss my story. I've changed my world-view already. I suggest you do the same."

Wanda let of his neck, and fell to the floor gasping for breathe. "Okay. I won't. Dismiss it. Out of hand."

"I just don't my son to find me like this."

"That's perfectly understandable," Lucas agreed. He knew better to disagree. "I know what you mean."

"And I just want my Wanda back," Cosmo cried.

Lucas led them into his parlor, where his wife was crocheting an afghan by the fireplace. She looked from her handiwork and smiled warmly. "Who's your new girlfriend, Lucas?"

"Girlfriend?" Wanda shrieked. "I'm not his girlfriend."

The fairy's smile broke. "Whoa, settle down. I was only teasing Lucas here?" He laughed sheepishly. "So what brings you two around these parts?"

"Isn't that Lucas's question," Cosmo asked back. "And just who are you, anyway?"

"She my fiancée," Lucas answered. "Belinda."

Belinda did a little bow. "Forgive me. I would do a curtsy, but it seems that my leg is broken for the moment."

"What happened," Wanda asked.

"Skiing accident."

"Ah. Of course. My husband gets those all the time."

Lucas nodded. He could well imagine that Cosmo getting into a lot of ski accidents. But then he remembered that Wanda was apparently suffering from the delusion that she was human. "So where is this husband of yours now?"

"So what time is it now?"

"You know," Cosmo added. "In Dimmsdale, California."

Lucas poofed in a clock face to a spot in the middle of the air. "About noon. Local time."

"At lunch, plotting his vengeance against Dinkleberg, I would imagine," Wanda answered.

"Dinklebeg?"

"Yes, that's right. Why?"

"Oh no reason," Lucas said.

It seemed to be an even smaller world than usual. What were these people doing dealing with Dinkleberg? Didn't they know?

"Isn't there a way to find if this woman," Belinda said, "was telling the truth?"

"Theoretically," Lucas said slowly.

Wanda's eyes lit up. "What is it?"

"Come into the backroom and I'll show you what they have."

"It's not like I have much choice in the matter," Wanda said.

Lucas led Wanda and Cosmo into the back. He hoped this was going to work.

-OOO-

"I am glad that you have come to me," the Oracle said.

They were all sitting on the floor sitting around the campfire that The Oracle had in the exact center of her hut.

"Do you have an answer for us."

The Oracle laughed warmly. "I have many answers to many questions. But which question did you want answered."

"Where is Mrs. Turner," Wanda asked.

"In your body." The Oracle sighed. "I'm sorry but that's all that I am able to see."

Timmy pouted. "Some oracle _you_ proved to be."

"Hey, even though I am the Oracle, I still can't see _everything_."

"Okay…" Timmy paused. "Then why did Wanda and my mom switch bodies?"

"I can't tell you. I saw the forces at work, but they were a little complex for me to follow."

Timmy and the two fairies with him wilted. "Great."

"But don't despair, Timmy Turner. I can show you can show you who could." She handed him a card, which he read.

Lucas P. Fillman.


	7. Lucas Believes

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Thanks to Crazyfairy for the inspiration 

Chapter 7: Lucas Believes

Written: 8 Jan 2005-11 Jan 2005

Posted: 12 Jan 2005

"Cosmo, I've been wondering…"

"Yes, Marie?"

They were following Lucas down the stairs, which circled gently to their left, to his basement-cellar. And Cosmo was beginning to think that he didn't want to hear the question.

"Cosmo, just when did Butch and I ask a couple of fairies to be our Timmy's godparents?"

Cosmo rubbed the back of his head. "Now, there's a funny story behind that."

He was saved from answering when they reached a door at the foot of the stairs. Lucas turned and faced them. "Some things in here you might not understand. But it's all for the best. Really."

Cosmo swallowed. "If you say so."

"I do say so."

Marie nodded in silence. It was about all she could do. She knew even less about this than Cosmo did.

Lucas nodded back. "All should be in order than." He produced a key, unlocked the door and opened it. "I would request that you didn't touch anything while you are here."

His guests agreed. They weren't going to touch a thing.

"Excellent. Walk this way, please?" Lucas opened the door. Cosmo beheld what was inside. And was amazed.

In a underground chamber hidden by a seemingly ordinary wooden door was a circular pool of blue… something surrounded by four pillars at each corner. It seemed to be from some other world. Beyond Fairy World even.

"What is it?" Cosmo asked.

"It's a gateway."

Cosmo blinked a couple of times. "But where does it go?"

"I'm not really sure."

"You're sure?" Marie asked mildly. "Is this your basement?"

"I suppose." Lucas shrugged. "I just found this buried staircase that led to a underground chamber and built a house on top of it."

Marie shrugged. "Sounds good to me."

"How does that help our problem?" Cosmo demanded.

"It doesn't," Lucas agreed. "What we're looking for is beyond the mystical portal." Apparently, he saw the looks on their faces, as he continued. "Don't worry. I flew over it many times without incident."

Marie nodded grimly and followed Lucas into the air. Cosmo hesitated before he realized he had no real choice. He launched into the air after Lucas and Marie.

They flew over the mystic cerulean portal.

-OOO-

Mr. Turner heard a knock on the door to his office. "Come in," he said at once.

"Mr. Turner," a familiar voice which for some reason he had trouble placing said, "do you know where your wife is?"

He looked up. And dropped the pencil was just writing in a report with. It was Vicky, his babysitter. "Yes, she should be at her realty."

Vicky looked at her feet. "I'm sorry to tell you this, Mr. Turner. But I've just been there, and they told me that she hadn't shown up." She looked up with sympathy in her eyes. "Is everything alright at home?"

Mr. Turner stood boldly up on his chair. "Of course everything is alright at home. I suspect it was foul play perpetrating by none other than… Dinkleburg!"

"Of course it was," Vicky agreed whole-heartily. But Turner did find it was strange that she was laughing. Oh well. He had no time to solve that mystery. He had to boil some answers out of his co-worker.

-OOO-

Lucas led them to a very strange looking machine. It was arranged on a tower that was two large spheres below and above a smaller one, and sticking out in every direction form this center sphere were many arms holding a veritable hardware store's wealth of tools.

"What does it do?" Marie couldn't miss the raw lust in Cosmo's eyes.

"You like it?" If Lucas noticed Cosmo's coveting of his toy, he didn't show it. "It's my own invention. It helps me with my studies."

"What studies would those be, Lucas?"

"Fairy-human relationships."

"How fortunate for us then."

"Yes. I suppose that's why you came here."

"Actually, it was Cosmo who brought me."

"Hmm, yes." Lucas went silent for a moment. "Assuming for a second that you were this Marie Turner person-"

"Which I am."

"-and that you switched bodies with Wanda-"

"Which I have."

"-then what do you hope that I can do for you?"

Marie looked uncertainly at Cosmo. "I'm that you would know, Cosmo."

"Wanda would come here to get help with all sort of problems," Cosmo shrugged. "Don't know why though."

"We knew each other very well, Cosmo. Didn't you know your own wife's family?"

Cosmo frowned. "Why? Is that important?"

"I'm her brother."

"Ah."

"So you would know Wanda if you saw her," Marie asked.

"I of course I would, Wanda."

"Well, as I've told you before. I'm not Wanda. I'm Timmy's mother, if that means anything to you."

"Oh, it does." Lucas pulled out a hidden drawer underneath the mechanism. "But I have run a few tests first." He pulled out a silver-serving fork.

"What good will that do?"

"You see," Lucas replied, examining the fork. "Once when both very little," he sighed, "I stabbed Wanda in the butt with this very fork." He looked Marie straight in the eye. "I guess be that Marie person, since you didn't recognize this fork."

Marie nodded. "You mentioned a test. Was showing me the fork it?"

"Actually, no. I have to compare this fork to any scar that may be on your butt. You know, so that I can tell for sure that is in fact Wanda's body you are in."

Marie sighed. "Oh, all right. It's not like this is my body anyway." She turned around and dropped the pants she was wearing to her ankles. She shivered. It still felt like her body. "Would you hurry up, Lucas. I'm starting to feel a little uncomfortable here."

"That's alright, Marie," Lucas said. "So am I. Just a little longer just to be sure." Several moments passed. "Okay, you can pull up your pants now." Marie did. "I believe your story.

"Even though it does seem rather impossible."


	8. Almost Meeting

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 8: Almost Meeting

Written: 14 Jan 2005-15 Jan 2005

Posted: 16 Jan 2005

"Peanut butter and jelly sandwich! Apple sauce! What kind of lunch is that is, anyway."

"One that was meant for your son, Mr. Turner," Vicky said after noticing the _Crimson Chin_ lunch box it came in.

"Jeez, at this rate maybe I should make my own lunch," Mr. Turner moaned.

"Is that so, Mr. Turner? Isn't that interesting!" Vicky said in tone which didn't convey at all the fact she didn't find it at all interesting. "Fortunately, _my_ Mom never gives gets my lunch wrong. And I thought you were after your wife, Mr. Turner."

"Oh, right," he said, "my wife." He stood up from the table like a rocket. "To the Turner mobile."

"You mean your car?"

"Whatever."

They rushed from the cafeteria to the parking garage.

-OOO-

Timmy had waited awhile before knocking on the door a second time. "Are you sure that this is the place," he asked.

"Of course I'm sure, Timmy," Wanda replied.

But soon Timmy's efforts were paid when a humble-looking fairy opened the door. "Yes, can I help you?" Then she spotted Wanda. "So this is the mysterious Mrs. Turner I heard about." His eyes had a certain twinkle in them. _Boy, is he ever in for a surprise_, Timmy thought.

But it was Timmy who was surprised when Wanda said, "Timmy's mother came by with Cosmo here already? How long ago?"

"They came by here not too long ago." The fairy looked to his right. To the East. "It's funny. Now that I see you here now, I wonder how I could have possibly thought she was you."

"Well, she does look like me, after all."

"Yes, but she doesn't have the sparkle of light that is you in her eye."

"This is true," Juandissmo said. "None can compare to the inner beauty that is Wanda Poundstone."

Wanda nodded. "I am unique." She paused. "But who isn't. And that's not my last name, Mr. Banderas."

"A thousand apologies, my sweet Wanda But just who is this Poundstone girl…" he trailed off.

"Come on in, you three," the fairy in the doorway said. "I'm sure that you have an interesting tale to tell."

"But we have to look for my Mom," Timmy said.

"Don't worry about that, Timmy Turner. They'll be short quickly."

"You know what my is?"

"Of course. Wanda here has told me all about you." The fairy said. "Hello. My name is Lucas P. Fillman."

Timmy gasped. "You're the one the Oracle had told us to find."

"How interesting." He raised his eyebrow. "I must important then."

"Just how long ago did Cosmo and Mrs. Turner leave here," Wanda asked.

"Oh, what an hour ago, I suppose. They should be back shortly."

"Where did they go, anyway."

"They didn't say."

Wanda frowned. "So what happened?"

"Now that's an interesting story. Come on in, and I'll you all about it."

They followed him into his living room. And when everyone was comfortable, Lucas told them about his initial disbelief, what he had learned from his two earlier guests, the uncomfortable test they had to perform, and how Maria needed some time away.

"Did you see what direction they went."

"Yes. They headed East."

"And you didn't stop them?"

"No. Should I?"

"That's where the mountains lay."

"Nobody's stupid enough to go there this time of year."

Wanda gave him a hard look.

"Cosmo can't be that stupid." Seeing Wanda's continuing hard stare. "Could they?"

Juandissimo looked like he wanted to say something, but kept his mouth shut. Apparently it had something to do with the sharp look that Wanda was giving him.

Sensing the tension quickly filling the room, Timmy felt that he had to ask, "Guys, what's wrong? What's at those mountains?"

The fairies looked at each other, clearing working out who was going to answer his question.

-OOO-

Thirty minutes before Wanda, Timmy and Juandissimo arrived at Lucas's house, Cosmo and Maria prepared for a little side trip. Maria still felt a little weird from undergoing that last test and wanted to be away for a while. They said their goodbyes and headed for the Mountains where Cosmo had heard there some excellent gryphon sightings.

"What are gryphons?" Maria asked.

"A cross between a chicken and a tiger. I think," Cosmo said.

"Oh." Maria blinked. "That's an odd combination."

Cosmo shrugged. "I guess so."

Neither of them saw the sign that read, "Warning! Gryphons ahead," as they passed by it.


	9. Into the Wilds

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 9: Into the Wilds

Written: 23 Jan 2005 – 31 Jan 2005

Posted: 31Jan 2005

Maria hesitated at the approach to the rope bridge over the clichéd chasm below. "Are you really sure that is a very good idea, Cosmo?"

"Of course it is. What could possibly go wrong?"

Glancing nervously at the frayed ropes, especially at the posts holding the bridge into the ground, and the rotten boards that formed the walkway, Maria could think of all sorts of disaster scenarios. "I can think of a few things."

"Just relax, Maria," Cosmo said. "Remember? We're fairies. We can float over the bridge."

Maria blushed. She did forget that she was a fairy, and, therefore, could fly. "Oh, right."

"Don't worry." He slapped Maria's back. "You'll get the hang of it." He floated over onto over the bridge.

Maria still hesitated. "Where exactly where we going?"

Cosmo stopped and shrugged. "I don't know. Why?"

"I would to know where we're going before we get there."

Cosmo nodded. "Into these mountains, I would guess."

Maria sighed.

-OOO-

"Why aren't we going after them, guys?" Timmy had stood up from his chair and was looking very cross at Wanda, who was unfortunately now in his mother's body. To tell the truth, it was starting to confuse him a bit.

"Sorry, Honey," Wanda said. "But we can't we just poof ourselves there. He have to prepare ourselves for the dangers to be found there."

"What dangers?"

"Well, Sport, you know about the gryphons, right?"

"Sort of. They're lions with the heads of ravens?"

"Eagles, actually. But you get the drift. But the point is, Timmy, that they're really territorial, and they don't too kindly to anyone who would invade their space… Like what Cosmo and your mom are doing right now."

"That's all the more reason to hurry."

"Timmy, gryphons are among the most ferocious animals known to fairy-kind. We can't just go in there all willy-nilly."

"Why not?"

Wanda moaned in exasperation. "Gryphons are very dangerous animals, Timmy. We need extreme caution when dealing with them."

"Just what makes them so dangerous, Wanda?"

"Let me take this one, Wanda." Juandissimo didn't even pause before continuing. "When they see someone encroaching on their territory, they lie in wait before pouncing on them, tearing them apart with their razor-sharp talons and beaks."

Timmy gulped. "Oh."

"So, Lucas, is there any way of getting into Gryphon territory?" Wanda asked.

"Well, not off hand," he replied after some thought.

"Oh my gosh," Timmy said. "I have to get my mom out of there. I wish she was here. In her original body."

"I don't think that's such a good idea, Timmy," Wanda said.

But a wave of Juandissimo's wand and a poof later, something changed in Wanda's eyes. It took a second for Timmy to realize what it was. "Mom, is that you?"

Mrs. Turner looked around in surprise. "How the heck did I get here?" But when she heard her son's voice, she turned to him. "Timmy, what are doing here?"

He leaped unto his mother's lap and squeezed her tummy. "Looking for you," he said with tears flowing.

"Of you were, honey," Mrs. Turner hugged her son back. "Of course you were."

"Sorry 'bout what happened to you, Mom."

"That's all right, Dear. It's not like you wished this to happen."

Timmy looked to Juandissimo, who shook his head in response. So Timmy didn't contradict his mother.

"This is bad," Lucas said. "If Timmy's mom is here, then where's Wanda?"

A moment passed.

"Probably where I was a second ago," Mrs. Turner said.

"Like I said. This is bad.

"How could it be bad," Juandissimo said. "With Wanda with ungrateful, self-oblivious lout, he could easily talk him out of the mountains."

"Yes, but Wanda was against the idea. Perhaps she knew something that we don't."

"What could that possibly be?"

-OOO-

"Cosmo, we have to get out of here. And since we can't just poof ourselves because of the anti-wish field, we have to go out the way you and Timmy's mom came in," Wanda said. But somehow Timmy's wish had worked. Wanda was beginning to suspect that there were things she didn't quite understand about this place.

"We can't." Cosmo kicked a pebble into the air.

"And why not?" Wanda had put her hands to her hips. They were in a very narrow canyon, with only enough room for three fairies to walk abreast in it. And their only exits were to the east and to the west.

"An avalanche back there," he pointed toward the setting sun, "blocked off our path."

Wanda sighed. "Of course." She looked to the east with a frown. A torn blue letter jacket rested on a branch there. Hardly ever a good sign. She hoped that whoever that kid was who owned that jacket was alright.

"But look on the bright side, Wanda."

"What bright side would that be, Cosmo?"

"There's a kid we get to save! Yay, Rescue Heroes!"

Wanda groaned. It was going to be a very long night. She followed her husband as they went east.

Once they had disappeared around the bend, a black poodle appeared and sniffed the ground over which Cosmo and Wanda had just recently floated. It didn't howl. The Hounds were trained to howl only when they got quarry subdued. And they always knew when that happened, and when it didn't.

It sniffed the torn jacket before continuing the hunt.


	10. Reaching Cosmo and Wanda

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 10: Reaching Cosmo and Wanda

Written: 4 Feb 2005-7 Feb 2005

Posted: 7 Feb 2005

Timmy followed his mom and Juandissimo through the hills toward a rope bridge in the distance. He gulped. He knew how dangerous that kind of bridge was. Then he remembered that his mother was still a fairy. She could carry him as she floated over the bridge.

"Are you sure that this is the way, Mrs. Turner?" Juandissimo asked.

"Of course I'm sure," Mrs. Turner said. "I just been this way, you know."

"Pardon, _señora_, I did not mean to offend."

"That's all right, Juan. It's been a hectic day." She glanced back toward her son. "For all of us."

Timmy sighed. He wished that Cosmo and Wanda were here. He had tries wishing for it, but hadn't seemed to work. He also wished that he had thought of it before. But it now seemed to be too late. He sighed.

They reached the rope bridge. There Mrs. Turner paused. "This bridge doesn't look very safe. I don't think that Timmy should be walking on it."

"What's the problem?" Juandissimo said. "You can carry him across, can you not?"

Mrs. Turner looked back at her son. "I don't know. He looks pretty heavy."

"But you're a fairly now, my little _señorita_," Juandissimo said. "You have magical strength now."

"Is that good?"

"Twice as strong as Heracles."

"You mean Herucles?"

"No, that's just a Roman corruption." Juandissimo snorted. "While they had fine language, they very much to mangle names. Heracles was upset when he found out. He's a poker buddy of mine, you know," he explained. Timmy made an annoyed sound.

"Ah," Mrs. Turner said.

"So you have plenty of strength to pick up your son."

"Well… okay." She went to Timmy. "Mind if your Mom carry you the bridge?"

Timmy shook his head. "No, that's all right."

-OOO-

"This is another fine mess you got me into, Wanda," Cosmo shot at her.

The three dark poodles were closing in, and Wanda was at a lose what to do. They were cornered at the end of the box canyon and these animals were out of her league, she realized after running out of ideas. Throwing the pork chops she had stashed in Cosmo's empty head didn't lure them away, and her trick about faking the siren of a dogcatcher truck she had learned once at a party once didn't scare them away. "This isn't my fault, you know."

"Well, it certainly ain't mine, Cosmo retorted. "So what are you going to do to get us out of this one?"

"I don't-" Then she saw a shadow pass over them. She looked up. "This could awhile," she said.

-OOO-

They were halfway through the escarpment when Mrs. Turner said, "This is about where I was so suddenly forced to trade places with Wanda."

Timmy laughed nervously. "Yeah, about that…"

"Do my eyes deceive me?" Juandissimo said suddenly. "Is that Johnny's letter jacket on that branch up ahead?"

"Johnny?" Timmy blinked his eyes. He had never of any Johnnys. "Who's that?"

"He's my new godkid."

"Oh."

"Another fairy with a human godkid," Mrs. Turner said. "Do all fairies have one? Or is it just a coindence that two out of three fairies I've meant are the only ones who do?"

A sweat drop appeared on Juandissimo's forehead. "Did I say that he was human? I don't remember saying anything of the kind? Did I, Timmy?"

Timmy shook his head.

"Well, oh right," Mrs. Turner still didn't sound too convinced. "Let's go look into this jacket."

Juandissimo nodded.

They went to the branch that held the jacket, and Juandissimo sniffed at it. Timmy winced. "Just as I thought," Juandissimo said. "It is Johnny's."

"Who is this Johnny," Timmy asked. "And why would he be in a place like this?"

Juandissimo opened his mouth, probably to answer, but before he could, a loud shriek cut through the air.

"Oh my gosh, that was Wanda."

"I have nothing has happened to my little, delicate flower."

He grabbed the jacket, and they all ran up the dry canyon floor. They ran all the length of the canyon. But when they reached they found no sign of either no sign of either Cosmo or Wanda.

"Wanda!" Juandissimo and Timmy cried as they dropped to their knees.

"Cosmo," Mrs. Turner whispered.


	11. Figures!

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 11: "Figures!"

Written: 15 Feb 2005-21 Feb 2005

Posted: 25 Feb 2005

Vicky, with Mr. Turner's wrist in her hand, marched up the path to the top of the ridge. She just had to get to that twerp before sunset, and this oaf of a man wasn't to stop him. Why she didn't just dump him and move on her own, she didn't know.

Maybe it was because she was kinda hoping that he knew the way back. Or the fact that it was getting late.

"Whoa there, Vicky," Mr. Turner said. "I'm not a vigorous, young, hip teenager anymore."

"So I've noticed, Mr. Turner. What's your point?"

"I can't keep up this pace forever!"

_So he thinks he whine his way out_, Vicky thought. _Not on my watch_. "I didn't want to tell this. But…"

"Oh well, if you don't tell me, then you don't have to."

"Oh for crying out," Vicky said. "I think your son is joining with Dingleberg in a plot to take your wife away from you."

"What? Impossible!" Mr. Turner declared before dashing forward, almost pulling Vicky's arm out of its socket in the process. "Get back here Timmy Tanya Turner!"

Vicky's mouth flopped open. Tanya? She hadn't even aware that the little twerp even had a middle name. She would have ridiculed the name, had she not had been dragged by Timmy's Dad in a bigger hurry than her dragging of Timmy's Dad before. While they were getting to the twerp faster, so she could stop him from whatever he was done faster, she much rather preferred that she was the one doing the dragging.

"Slow up, Mr. Turner," she said. "We don't have to go this fast."

"Oh, yes we do!"

Mr. Turner pulled Vicky into the sunset.

OOO-

"Oh why didn't listen to my mother," Wanda said suddenly to herself. Then she remembered why she hadn't. "Oh yeah, that's right. The children." She sighed as she looked at her husband. Cosmo was probably child-like, and childish, for anyway.

He was clawing at the wall of the cell, trying to dig his way out. Wanda had considered stopping him, but had changed her mind. He might actually succeed. He had already had a six-inch deep hole dug out of the stone. So Cosmo's bid to dig their way out of the underground prison wasn't too impossible. When those "hounds" brought them back to Fairy World, their wands were taken away. And now they were stuck in here.

But Wanda didn't remember there being an underground prison in Fairy World. What was it doing here?

"Don't bother digging your way out," a voice said. Now where had she heard that voice before?

She turned to face the speaker. She was surprised to find a scrawny-looking fairy in the cell across the corridor. "Who are you?"

"Binky."

"It can't be. Binky's on a good-will trip to Leprechaunia."

The fairy looked toward the ceiling, groaning. "That's a different Binky."

"Oh." Wanda felt her face redden to what she was quite sure was deep shade of crimson.

Cosmo looked up from his scratching only long enough to say, "So what are you doing in here," before returning to his work.

"Don't mind him," Wanda said. "He's an idiot."

"Yes, I can see that."

"So just what are you doing in a place like anyway?"

"Well, it all began in the sewers under Jorgen's house…"

OOO-

"Figures," Vicky muttered when she saw the rope-and-plank bridge over the deep chasm.

"What's the matter, Vicky," Mr. Turner taunted. "Afraid of heights or something?"

"Don't be silly, Mr. Turner," Vicky said. "Of course I am. Isn't there like another way?"

"Do you see another way?"

"How should I know? We haven't even looked for one."

"Up, no time for that. Must stop evil plan. Now." Mr. Turner grabbed Vicky and ran out onto the rope bridge. And Vicky began to regret telling Mr. Turner that little white lie about that twerp and that Dinkleberg person, whoever that was. Just maybe honesty was indeed the best policy. If she had only told the truth, she wouldn't be running down a rickety bridge that looked like it would break at any moment with moths in her stomach. She just wished she knew why she had been in such a hurry.

Or why she was on this idiotic crusade in the first place.

"This may not be a such a good idea, Mr. Turner."

"Oh, why not," he pouted.

She felt something shift.

Suddenly the bridge fell to one side.

Vicky tried to grab onto the boards that used to be a footpath, but somehow even a finger hold eluded her grasp. "Figures," she said as she fell into the deep, hoping that there was a river somewhere down there.

"I'm beginning to agree with you, Vicky," a voice said beside her.

"Told you so, Mr. Turner," Vicky replied dryly.


	12. Tale of Two Mothers

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 12: Tale of Two Mothers

Written: 21 Feb 2005-27 Feb 2005

Posted: 28 Feb 2005

Night had descended and nobody had bothered to tell Timmy that. Actually, his first clue was when his mother handed him a flashlight. He blinked in surprise and looked up and noticed that the stars were out. _Huh, night came in like a fairy poofing in_, he thought. Tears started to streak down his face. Where were Cosmo and Wanda?

"Say, Mom," he asked, "where did you get these flashlights?"

"Always be prepared," was all his mother said. Timmy nodded. He could think of few things he wished he had brought along. But wishing for things didn't bring him them. Unless he had his fairy godparents with him.

He turned on the flashlight and spotted some flakes of black glass on the ground. "I didn't know this canyon was the result of a volcano," he commented. "I thought box canyons were formed by water not lava."

Juandissmimo shrugged. "Around these parts, who can tell?"

"That's all very interesting," Mrs. Turner said. "Are you very familiar with these parts?"

"But of course," Juandissimo assured them. "I know everything about them."

"Then you'd be able to warn us of an gryphon attack?"

"For you, milady, anything." Juandissimo bowed.

They walked off into the night.

A few short minutes they reached the branch where they had found the letter jacket. A green sweater was tangled in it now. "I have a bad feeling about this," Juandissimo said.

"Could you be a bit more specific than that?" Timmy snapped.

"Yes, actually I could," Juandissimo replied, looking past Timmy toward something that Timmy could not see, but he was starting to get a bad feeling of his own about it.

As in he was too afraid to turn around, but too afraid not to. He started to turn. _Guess my fear not to turn around won out_, he thought. But when he had turned fully around, he something that truly amazed him.

Before his eyes crouched what looked like a lion with the head, wings and legs of an eagle. It looked at them with hunger in its eyes.

"You're right, Juandissimo," Mrs. Turner said. "This is bad."

"Is this a gryphon?" Timmy asked. He was beginning to think it was, and he hoped that he was wrong.

"Oh, yes. It is," Juandissimo replied.

"Darnit. Juandissimo, I thought uyou said that you would warn us of a gryphon attack."

Juandissimo said nothing.

"Look what we have here," the gryphon said, "Two fairies and a little boy to give to my li'l darlin's."

"I don't want to be a gift," Timmy said.

"But it isn't up to you, my pet." The gryphon crept closer. "Oh no, it most certainly isn't." The gryphon pounced.

Timmy ducked and shut his eyes, praying that the gryphon would miss. But certain that she wouldn't. So waited, trembling, for the inevitable biting, or goring with her claws, or however gryphons attacked their prey. Ten seconds passed. Another ten seconds passed. Then another ten seconds passed. What the heck?

Nervously he peeked. He gasped when he did. His mother was holding one of the glass chips the gryphon's throat. Timmy didn't know that his mother could do that. When the gryphon lifted her foot to take another step, Mrs. Turner softly sad, "If you take another step toward my son, I'll open your throat."

The gryphon somehow grinned. "Touché."

As he beheld this sight, Timmy said to Juandissino, "Now what?"

Juandissimo shrugged.

"Perhaps we could come to some kind of deal," the gryphon offered.


	13. When Timmy Met Sally

Thanks for the reviews, everyone!

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 13: When Timmy Met Sally

Written: 27 Feb 2005-4 Mar 2005

Posted: 5 Mar 2005

Lucas was starting to get worried. Cosmo and Maria were over two hours late. He knew that he was chewing his toenails to nubs, but he couldn't help himself. He ceased his nail chewing when his mother spoke.

"Quite worrying, Lucas," Fanny said, sipping her Earl Grey tea. "Wanda will rescue them like she always had."

Lucas had to smile. He had never known Cosmo and Timmy's mom to be in danger together before this. But he didn't know Maria all that well. "You're probably right, Mom."

Little Sally, who wore a little green sundress that Lucas thought was particularly cute, pulled on Fanny's sleeve. "Fanny, I need to go to the bathroom."

"The right door on the right," Lucas said, pointing down the hall.

"You chew your toenails," she sneered.

"I am trying to quit," he replied.

"What's your point, Dear?" Fanny asked Sally.

"He's a slob, Fanny. I'm not going into his no-doubt disgusting bathroom."

"Now, that's no way to talk about the man, Sally," Fanny chided.

"That's all right, Mom." He turned to Sally. "You can use the one outside, Sally."

"But I didn't see any outhouse when we came here."

"I don't have an outhouse."

"Oh." She paused. "Okay."

Lucas winced when he watched her get up and leave. "Ouch," he said.

Fanny chuckled. "That's all right, son. Sally is just worried about germs. She doesn't use bathrooms of people who she thinks has dirty habits, such as toenail chewing in your case." Lucas blushed.

"But going outdoors is fine?"

"Oh she's used to using the great outdoors for a toilet on her farm in Kansas."

"Ah."

A knock came from the front door. Lucas stood up. "Hopefully it's Wanda and Timmy and Juandissimo with Cosmo and Maria."

Fanny smiled encouragingly. "It's them. I can feel it."

"I'm sure you're right, Mom," he smiled back.

He went to the door and opened it. He wasn't quite expecting to Wanda and her new friends so soon without Cosmo and Maria. Or the gryphon mother and her cubs. "So what happened, Wanda?"

Wanda sighed. "First me and Wanda got our own body back," she started. "And we have a problem."

OOO-

Wanda wished that she had fairy godparents of her own. Then she could wish her and Cosmo their way out of their present, but not pleasant, accommodations. But she had learned one thing in her constant confinement. Asking 'how are we getting out of this one?' wasn't going to get them anywhere.

So she had sat down in a corner and, completely ignoring Cosmo's antics, began to study the cell that they were in. The bars looked to be made from durasteel, completely unbreakable, and were made from fine-grained granite, which would probably take them a thousand years to dig through. While they would live that long, sooner or later, someone would be bound to notice the holes in the wall. Wanda changed her wish. It was now their wands that she wanted back. That way the could wish themselves out.

The clanging of a distant lock froze her heart. He was coming to get someone for interrogation. What was this place and what were all these fairys doing here? Wanda was too afraid to ask. She might get an answer.

The march upon the concrete floor came closer and closer. Wanda trembled with fear. "Please it be someone else. Please it be someone else," she repeated softly again and again. She knew was being a bit selfish, but she knew that if He took her away, her magic would be token away and she would never see Timmy again. And Cosmo would be… Brrr, she didn't want to think about that.

The heavy footsteps stopped right in front of their cell. Hesitantly, Wanda looked up. And beamed a smile. It wasn't Him.

It was Jorgen.

"So are you ready to come out of that body yet, Mrs. Turner?" he bellowed.

Wanda sagged. She hadn't been expecting that at all. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me." He shoved his wand through the bars and into her face. "Don't make me come in there."

"But I'm not Mrs. Turner," Wanda pleaded. "I'm Wanda Starr."

"And I'm the Pope of England," Jorgen replied. He pointed the wand at Wanda again. "Admit that you're a human in fairy guise or I forced to use The Treatment." He sounded only too eager to use the treatment.

Wanda gulped down the lump in her throat. "Is there only one way to prove I am who I say I am?"

"Ooh! Ooh! The Treatment!" Jorgen was jumping up and down like a little schoolgirl.

And Wanda had a really bad feeling about the next few minutes. She shrunk back as a guard, who had appeared out of nowhere, opened the cell door and went in to fetch her.

OOO-

Lucas's cabin was right where Timmy remembered it was. In the middle of a cornfield. In the path that led up to the house stood the girl from The Oracle's waiting room fuming at him.

"What got up her bonnet?" Timmy asked.

"Why don't go ask her, Dear?" Mrs. Turner suggested.

Timmy nodded. "Alright. I think I'll do just that." He went ahead to talk with the girl.

"Hello, my name is Timmy Turner." He held out his hand. "What's yours."

"It's Sally." Now he noticed that was acting a bit antsy. "Do you know I can go pee around here?"

"Pardon?"

"Lucas is a disgusting slob. I'm not using his bathroom."

"Oh-kay."

"Have you seen the inside of Mr. Lucas's bathroom?" Mrs. Turner asked when she had caught up with her son.

"Well, actually," Sally hemmed. "No."

"Then how you do you know that his bathroom is pig-sty?"

"I've seen him chew his own toenails."

Mrs. Turner winced. But she asked in a perfectly calm tone, "So?"

"The point is I'm not exposing my feminine areas to that." She pointed in the general direction of where that bathroom had to lie. In Lucas's house someplace.

Timmy blushed when he heard the phrase "feminine areas." "Do you mind?" It didn't seem to him that anyone had heard him.

"If may I make a humble suggestion, Sally," Juandissimo said. "Why don't you wish for an outhouse?"

Sally slapped her own forehead. "Of course." Then her eyes widened in surprise. "Never mind," she said sheepishly. "It's not a problem anymore."

"I see." Timmy tried his best not to snicker, but it was too funny. He laughed even harder as he watched Sally pull off her panties in a huff, giving him a quick flash of her butt. It had a red splotch on the right cheek.

"You're going to pay for that view, Timmy Turner," Sally said over her shoulder. She stormed off, leaving her cast-off panties behind.

_If I'm going to pay for it, I might as keep a souvenir_, Timmy thought as he picked up the panties.

OOO-

"Fanny, I wish for a new pair of panties," Sally said suddenly.

Lucas jumped. He hadn't even known she was there. Actually, to be perfectly honest, he had forgotten her. "Did you have trouble finding a spot to do your business," he asked as his mother poofed the underwear into Sally's outstretched hand.

"I meant around my hips," Sally complained.

"You want to wear two pairs of undies," Fanny asked incredulously as she granted the wish.

"Yeah," Sally said accommodatingly. "I'll go with that."

"Wanda's been captured," Wanda said as she came in with Timmy and Juandissimo. "We need a plan to get them out, just like in _The Great Escape_."

It Lucas a moment to realize the import of what was just said. "You're not Wanda, are you?"


	14. Chinese Water Torture

Lavenderpaw, I'm sorry to hear about the lose of your story. I hope that doesn't happen again.

Bonnie, I am trying to make it easy enough to follow.

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy copyright Douglas Adams (Guess where the reference is!)

Chapter 14: Chinese Water Torture

Written: 5 Mar 2005-7 Mar 2005

Posted: 10 Mar 2005

_How does that man keep losing his Pants?_ Vicky thought as she searched through the bush for her shirt. The last thing she wanted was for Mr. Turner to see her shirtless. It just had been her rotten luck to find her shoes and _his_ pants first before finding her shirt. Being dropped into a river and washed down a waterfall was not an experience she cared to repeat.

But she should probably thank her stars that she had decided to wear a bra that day.

She swore. The shoes and the pants had been washed onto the bushes, but even after searching through the entire stupid bush, she still couldn't find her shirt. Darn it! And it was the seventeenth place she had looked. _Could it have… No, it isn't lost forever_, she told herself. _I'll find it_.

She looked down at her jeans when she just now realized that they were soaked through. "I can't go trouncing around the woods in wet jeans." She then announced to the jungle around here, "This is all that stupid twerp Timmy's fault!"

She hesitated before pulling off her jeans. She had run out of clean underwear, so she had to borrow some from her mother. A pair that said _I love Elvis._ She shivered as she removed the jeans. "I bet that you're enjoying this," she told the animals she was sure was watching her. "Cause it's the last time you'll ever see Vicky P. Spain undress."

With both pairs of pants laid out on the bank to dry, Vicky sat with her knees to her chin and let her shoes dangle by their laces. "Now what?" She looked back upstream to the fall. How was she ever going to get back up that sheer face? She let eyes fall along the tree-lined rim of the hole-in-the-ground she found herself in. There seemed to be no break at all in the wall with which she could climb up. And there was no way she was going into the tiny opening the stream entered.

The warm felt good on her skin.

So there was no hurry.

She made her decision, looked around to make sure was alone, and stripped off her wet underwear to lay out in the sun.

OOO-

Mr. Turner had quite forgotten that he had lost his pants. But he was quite perplexed by Vicky's absence. "Just why has the girl run off to?" he asked the big oak tree he found himself next to.

The oak didn't answer.

"Well, fine," he pouted. "Don't answer. I'll go find Vicky on my own."

He spotted a waterfall about a hundred feet downstream. "Good thing I didn't fall off that. I could have been killed." He looked upstream. The gorge walls were as steep as skyscrapers and shot straight from the river. And crossing the river was out of the question. Not after the experience he just had.

That left the woods between the cliff and the crater. "Hmm, I wonder what's down there?" He shrugged. "No time for now. I have to look for Vicky."

He went into the woods.

OOO-

Lucas heard scratching at his front door. "It seems that more guests have arrived." He started to get up, but Maria waved him back down.

"It's probably the gryphon I befriended in the mountains," she said.

"Befriended?"

Maria blushed. "Actually I put a blade to her throat when she threatened my son and forced to agree not to harm me or any my loved ones. I wonder what she wants." She got up and went to the door.

"I see," Lucas said, even though it was as clear as an obsidian window

"But what are we going to do about Cosmo and Wanda?" Timmy asked from Fanny's lap in an embrace. "An entire night has passed. Someone has to get them out." He caught sight of the fairy's expressions. "Don't they?"

"Of course they do, honey." Fanny hug grew tighter. "We'll get your godparents back. Don't you worry. We just have to find first is all."

"About these godparents," Maria said from the door.

"Never you mind," Lucas said. "Let's just see who's at the door."

"Okay," Maria agreed. "But we are getting back to that." She opened the door. "Yes, Naeemah, what is it?" she asked a bit suspiciously.

Lucas stood up. A gryphon at his door?

"Must you be so suspicious, Mariaturner? A gryphon's word is her bond."

"I'm sorry but I just don't know that many gryphons. And I just realized that I don't know what you had meant by 'loved one.'"

Naeemah shook her head sadly. "Humans are so untrustworthy."

"And gryphons aren't?"

Naeemah chuckled. "Too right. You have my word then. None shall be harmed in this house during my visit."

Maria relaxed. Slightly. "Okay. But what did you want to see us about?"

"I know where your friends are kept," Naeemah said. "Wanda and Cosmo."

Lucas thought he heard Maria gasp. "Come on in." Maria invited Naeemah in without consulting Lucas. "We were just discussing them both."

Naeemah trotted in with couple of smaller gryphons in tow. Presumably Naeemah's children. "Is there something wrong?" Maria asked.

"Why do you ask?"

"Well, you brought your kids with you."

"I bring them where I please," Naeemah half-purred/half-growled.

Mrs. Turner nodded. "Well, alright."

Naeemah and children went to the middle of the room and sat back on their haunches. "This is my son, Fenuku, and my daughter, Ain." They nodded when their names were spoken. They seemed to be identical to Lucas, but at the moment the one on Naeemah's right was Fenuku and the one on her left was Ain.

Lucas noted the hopeful look on Fanny's face. "So where are my sister and her hubsand being kept?"

Naeemah seemed to be frowning. Lucas couldn't exactly tell. "Elga Prison Complex."

OOO-

"Mister, did you know that you aren't wearing any pants?" the young boy said.

"Of course I know that," Mr. Turner replied. "What do I look like? An idiot?" Then, "Ah… don't answer that."

The little kid snickered. "Okay, Mr. Noslacks, would you help me find the way out of this place?"

"Of course, son. If you would help me find my missing son." Mr. Turner kneeled down. "So what are you doing here anyway?"

"I wish I knew."

_The poor child_, Mr. Turner thought. _Doesn't even know how he got here_. "I hitchhiked most of the way here. And then I came to an ancient rope bridge. Then I fell into the river." He sighed. "Then Vicky was separated from me."

"V-vicky S-spain?" the boy asked.

"I think that her name," Mr. Turner replied uncertainly.

"Does she baby-sit little kids?"

"Yes, that's the one." Mr. Turner hopped in place excitedly.

"Oh." He turned away. "We don't need to find her." He started to stroll away.

"Hey! You come back here, mister." When the kid didn't return, Mr. Turner turned around and folded his arms over his chest. "Fine. Be that way." He started in the opposite direction.

He hoped that the kid would come to his senses and follow him. But he didn't look back to see if he did.

OOO-

"You know you could show more concern about your missing godchild, Juandissimo," Fanny told him in the guest bedroom as they made preparations to go to the Fairy prison.

"Can't be done, Madam," Juandissimo said passionately. "A real man doesn't show his real feelings."

"But isn't that what you do, Juan?"

"Those are only the shadows of my true feelings."

"Oh, I see," Fanny nodded. "So that's why you couldn't hold onto Wanda."

"She was only taken by that fool Cosmo who would never appreciate her as I have."

"If you're so great, then how come she married him and not you," Fanny accused.

OOO-

Wanda sneezed and for some reason she thought of Japan. She rubbed her nose with the side of her hand. She wished that she wasn't where she was. She was strapped to a chair and forced to listen to Vorgon poetry, the third worst in the galaxy. Her brains felt like they were leaking out through her ears. The thought of someplace that wasn't there gave her momentary pleasure.

Momentary, unfortunately.

"Timmy, where are you?" she asked him.

Suddenly, the vorgen poetry ceased, like it had been severed by an axe. Wanda was thankful for the break, even though it meant another round of questioning by Jorgen von Strangle.

He the massive earplugs. He put his arms behind his back and marched ever so non-chalantly toward Wanda, who, still being strapped to the chair, couldn't move. She could nothing but wait for the inevitable.

He stopped in front of her and stared down on her. "How is it possible that you switched bodies with a fairy? Such things are impossible!"

"How is it that you know about the switch in the first place?"

"Quiet!" Jorgen stuck his massive wand in her face. "I'm the one who's asking the questions here."

Wanda nodded, a bit intimidated. "It seems like it was a wish that Timmy had made."

"What wish?"

"A wish that his parents wouldn't hire Vicky to baby-sit anymore."

"You fool!" Jorgen exclaimed. "That wish only would make you and your husband not hire Vicky anymore. Not swap people's bodies. It must have been something else that caused it."

"Like what?"

"That's what we're here to find out."

"If isn't the wish, then there's no way that I would know."

"We'll just see about that." Jorgen snapped his fingers. Water then started to drip onto Wanda's forehead.

"What good will this do? I can take this all day."

"Eventually you go mad from the dripping on your head and would do anything to make it stop."

Wanda snickered. "We just have to see about that."


	15. The Fairy Squad

Ginger, thanks for the review!

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 15: The Fairy Squad

Written: 9 Mar 2005-12 Mar 2005

Posted: 12 Mar 2005

"Gentleman, it seems that The Oracle has been holding out on us," a fairy in a dark suit and dark glass told the others. "Something must be done about her."

"But what? She has friends in high places," a seemingly identical fairy said.

The fairies arranged around the round table, all seemingly identical, nodded in agreement. "Yes, what can be done?"

"I can tell you can be done," a maternal voice said. The fairies floating around the table turned. She was covered by shadows so they couldn't see her clearly. "Expose her for the fraud that she is."

"But she's the real thing, Mama Cosma," the first fairy said. "Everyone knows that."

The woman fairy emerged from the light, revealing her to have green hive on head and in a green dress. "Everyone is wrong."

OOO-

Timmy squatted in front of the collapsed rope bridge and wondered. It had been straight the last time he was here. What could have happened here since then?

"This is not good," Mrs. Turner said, kneeling next to Timmy. "Your father came onto this bridge with Vicky. I have the awful feeling that was the reason the bridge fell.

"But what were they doing here?"

Timmy stiffened. "You knew that we were following Vicky's footprints and you didn't tell me?" Nevermind his father. "She's the ickiest, nastiest, most horrible babysitter on the planet. She's the last person I would want to run into."

Mrs. Turner blushed a little. "Oh well I had thought that you knew that these were Vicky's footprints. You do spend a lot of time with her." _A little too much time with her_, Timmy thought.

"I can recognize her footprints," she finished.

Timmy sighed. Did she know everyone's footprints? A bead of sweat formed on his head. His parents were really weird. He wondered if his mother was aware of that fact, even when she hadn't a fairy. Probably not, he decided.

He stood up after he heard his mother say, "We have to find my husband."

"I'm sure that he can take care of himself," Juandissimo assured her. "My Wanda is in much more danger."

"And Cosmo," Timmy added.

"Whatever."

Not exactly the most uplifting of responses.

"He's right you know, Timmy," Fanny said. "Wanda wouldn't run off without telling me first. Something must have happened to her.

"I'm sorry, Timmy, but we don't we know that your father is in any danger." She smiled. "Besides I'm sure that he wasn't on that bridge when it fell."

Timmy looked the chasm and the ribbon of blue far below. And shivered. He hoped that Fanny was right. He didn't want to think about his father being smashed to bits on the rocks he imagined that were down there.

That image came anyway. Maybe it had something to with the fact that he was enjoying the thought of _Vicky_ being smashed on the rocks he imagined that were down there.

A hand was touching his shoulder. He looked up. Fanny was the one putting it there. "It's time to go, Timmy. There's no need to linger."

He nodded. "Let's go."

Lucas floated across the chasm first with his fiancé. Next was Mrs. Turner carrying her son. And bringing up the rear were Juandissimo and Fanny. When they were all across, several fairies in blue uniforms and riot gear appeared out of nowhere.

"Where the heck did these guys come?" Timmy asked.

"What can I say?" Juandissimo shrugged. "Us fairies have a knack of appearing out nowhere."

"I you know you do," Wanda muttered.

"Silence!" one of the new fairies ordered. Clearly he was the one in charge. "I'm here with orders for the arrest of one Maria Tambrine Turner."

"But I'm not a fairy," Mrs. Turner said. "How can you arrest me?"

"Fairy laws are higher than human ones," the fairy countered. "And you are in a fairy's body."

Timmy caught his mother's gaze. She looked very nervous. So he did the one thing he could think of. "I wish my mother wasn't a fairy anymore. I wish she had her old body back."

No, Timmy, don't-" Mrs. Turner started.

But Juandissimo raised his wand. "Very well," he said. He waved his wand.

Nothing happened.

"Uh oh," he said. "I think we may have a problem."

"Of course your wand doesn't work," the fairy in charge said. "We have set up anti-wishing field here that only our wands would work." He turned to his men. "Get her, boys."

"Wait a minute," Fanny said. "Just you are you guys?"

"We're the Fairy Squad, Ma'am," the fairy said.

The fairies that were on Timmy's side grew very pale. "The Fairy Squad you say?" Fanny asked.

"That's correct, Ma'am."

"That's what I thought you said." Before anyone could react, Fanny brought her wand up and blasted the leader of the Fairy Squad unit. "Run, Timmy, run! And take your mother."

Without thinking, Timmy grabbed his mother's wrist and started running away. She offered no resistance as he pulled her from the battle he heard behind them. His only thought was to find Cosmo and Wanda.

He should have thought more on his father.

OOO-

Mr. Turner sat down on a boulder for yet another break from his climbing up the cliff face. The task had proved to be more difficult than he had hoped. But he wasn't about to give up. His son was on top of this mountain, and there was no way he was going to let him enter in a deal with that vile Dinkleberg.

But as he looked across the field in front of the cliff face, he did find it be a lovely vista. "I wonder how much it would cost to move out here," he mused aloud. "It has a much better view than my house in Dimmsdale does." He stood up and beat his breast. "And it would help turn Timmy into a man."

Unfortunately, because of his talking to himself, he did not see the dark shapes moving in behind him.

OOO-

"Before you wish that I am a human again, mister," Mrs. Turner said in a hidden they had found, "let me tell you something first." Timmy nodded. "I don't trust those fairies. I think they would have taken me anyway. And it's certainly too late now."

"Ah, Mom, what makes you say that they would have taken you?"

"The expressions on our new friends' faces whenever the Fairy Squad was mentioned."

"Oh. That."

"Yes, that." She poofed up a big bag and a couple of blankets. "But the real reason is I could do so more for as a fairy. This is what I want." She frowned sharply. "And you didn't even bother to ask me first."

"Sorry, Mom, there was just so little time."

"That's no still reason to change me without my permission." She sighed. "We're just lucky that those fairy goons had set up that force-field thingie or who knows what kind of mess we would be in now."

Timmy lowered his head. "I'm sorry, Mom. But I'm so used to doing with Cosmo and Wanda."

Mrs. Turner lifted her son's chin so that their eyes met. "Just who are Cosmo and Wanda. And why are they your godparents? I thought A.J.'s parents were your godparents."

"Huh."

Timmy told her. Everything.


	16. Vicky and Johnny

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Here's a list of characters I have created for this story:

The Oracle,

Johnny,

Lucas,

Sally,

Fanny,

Naeemah,

And finally, Nancy, who is introduced in this chapter.

Chapter 16: Vicky and Johnny

Written: 12 Mar 2005-26 Mar 2005

Posted: 27 Mar 2005

Vicky woke up with a start. As she began to wake up, she started to feel that she wasn't so quite alone. Since she was buck naked, that was very much a bad thing. She was rolling over and reaching for her underwear when something trapped her attention. It was a young boy that was about the twerp's age. "What are you staring at?"

"Wow," he replied. "I've never seen a naked lady before."

"Well, guess what," Vicky replied with a straight face. "You still haven't."

"But-"

Vicky stood right up. "Do I look naked to you?"

"Yes."

"You're crazy, kid." Vicky put her hands to her hips. "I'm most certainly not naked."

"You look naked to me."

Vicky regarded him closely. "Whatever, kid," she said finally. "Don't you have a mommy to find?"

"Yes," he answered innocently. "Won't you help me?" _Oh boy, he doesn't the trouble he's in for_, Vicky thought gleefully. _Now the real fun can begin._

"Yes," Vicky said sharply. "You can gather wood so that you can start a fire."

Johnny saluted snappily. "Yes sir, sir." He headed for the woods. Then he stopped and looked back. "What's your name, lady?"

"It's Vicky!" she snapped. "Now get that wood!"

He saluted again. "Yes sir, sir." He disappeared off into the woods.

Vicky sighed contently. _This is going to work out very well_. She checked her clothing and began to get dressed.

With Johnny around, maybe she didn't have to leave.

OOO-

After Timmy was finished speaking, Mrs. Turner was clearly taken back. "Well that certainly would explain all lot of things," she allowed. "But did you say that if you told anyone about your fairies they would be gone forever?"

Timmy sighed. "Yes. But they're probably gone already."

"You still remember them, right?"

"Yes, but-"

"No buts, mister. We're saving Cosmo and Wanda and that's all there is to it." She shrugged. "Besides what else do we have to do?"

Timmy didn't like the sound of that.

Mrs. Turner went to the cave entrance and looked out. "It looks to be safe. Let's go."

OOO-

"That went well," Fanny observed with an ice pack on her head.

Lucas nodded. "But I'm afraid that they will be after Timmy and his mother in no time."

"Then we have no time to lose," Fanny agreed. "But do you have any suggestions? I can't think of a thing."

He picked up himself with his crutch. And he smiled. "I think I have a plan."

"Well?"

He shared the plan with his mother.

"That sounds like a good start." Fanny began thinking. "But it's going to take a lot of doing."

Lucas shrugged. "We're fairies. How hard could it be?"

OOO-

Vicky nodded when saw the pile of sticks and logs that Johnny had collected. _This should do nicely_, she decided. "That is a good start," he told Johnny even though there was more than enough wood in the pile. "Now… get some more."

"Yes, ma'am," he saluted before marching into the woods to follow yet another of Vicky's commands. But still… Why isn't this kid miserable yet? Most kids his age, oh especially that twerp, would have cried hours ago.

Vicky would just have to try harder.

No kid should remain un-miserable when around here. Vicky, after all, had a reputation to uphold.

Perhaps she could use him to find her shirt. The bra that she was wearing was a ratty old thing, and it was starting to itch. And it had never really fit. It would be a welcome opportunity if she could take it off. But she couldn't just go topless in front of this little twerp.

Or could she?

Before she could pursue that line of reasoning, Johnny returned with another armful of firewood. "Got anything else for me to do, Vicky?" he asked after placing the firewood onto the pile he had already made.

Vicky gritted her teeth. There just had to be a way to make this kid miserable. She smiled. She just might have the way. "My shirt is missing," she said.

Johnny nodded. "Huh-uh."

"I want you to find it for me."

"But it what does it look like?"

"You're smart. You'll figure it out."

"If you say so."

"I do say so."

Johnny nodded and left. Leaving Vicky free to plan the torments she would spring on the little twerp while he went looking for her shirt.

And who knows? Maybe she would find his shirt before he did.

She rubbed her hands in glee. _This is going to be fun_, she thought before getting started.

OOO-

"Mom, where did you get the idea of rafting down the river, Mom," Timmy asked. "And why?"

"Nobody would expect us to go down this canyon river," she replied.

"Why's that, Mom?"

"I have no idea what I'm doing," she announced.

_Oh joy_ was Timmy's unspoken thought. He and his mother were floating down the river at the bottom of the chasm in an orange inflatable raft that Mrs. Turner had poofed up. In the back of that raft was a locker filled with provisions for the long trip that was sure to lay in their future. The footlocker was tied to the raft securely. Very securely. All in all, Timmy had to admit that having a fairy could be very handy. But her comment didn't exactly fill him with confidence.

"Besides I have a feeling about this river," she continued.

"What sort of feeling, Mom?"

"That this is the way of course!"

"Of course," Timmy said dryly.

He looked up toward the sky, which he could barely see. It seemed so much like how the river looked from the top of the canyon. The ride down the river still was a little fun, but he felt so very confined in the narrow walls of the canyon. _Why did the canyons I go through have to be so narrow?_ He wondered.

"Mom," he asked, "do you have any hope that we're going find Cosmo and Wanda?"

"What kind of stupid question is that?" Mrs. Turner moved the paddle from the port to the starboard side of the boat. "Of course we're going to find them, honey."

Timmy nodded. Mom was right. They _will_ find Timmy's fairy godparents.

OOO-

Sally didn't give a single thought about _that_ boy as she had a picnic with her new babysitter. She didn't even turn her mind to what had happened to Olga. All her attention was on what Nancy was saying. "Then she slipped and fell flat on her face," Nancy came to the punch line.

Sally didn't laugh.

Nancy noticed right away. "What's wrong, Sally?"

"I don't get it."

Nancy sighed. Sally hadn't getting any of her jokes, which had slain in the past with her charges. Something had to be wrong. "Sally, do you want to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?" Sally demanded.

"Something's wrong, Sally. I can tell."

"What are you? Some kind of pshrink?"

"Actually. Yes."

"Oh."

"Well?"

"Are you kidding? How can there be anything wrong? My parents have replaced the Olga the Terrible with a nice babysitter who treats me like a human being for a change." She looked thoughtful. "Maybe it's because you have observing me like one of your laboratory specimens."

"I have done no such thing!" She settled down. "What was this Olga like?"

"Sort of like Vicky."

"Oh," she said softly, "I see."

"But I suppose I should count myself lucky. I'm not Timmy Turner."

"That's true."

"But the little punk saw my bare butt."

"Oh my. Did he spy on you while you were in the bath?"

"Ummm…" Sally looked off into distance, where a line of trees stood. "No."

"What happened?"

Sally blushed. "That isn't really important."

"All right, we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"I kinda dropped my panties in front of him."

"O-kay."

"They were wet and I just wasn't thinking, okay?"

Nancy nodded. "Okay." She decided to change the subject. "You know what the most the average African makes in a…"

OOO-

The end of the river seemed much closer now. In fact it seemed to cut off suddenly. "Is that a waterfall up ahead, Mom?" Timmy asked, hoping that he was wrong.

Mrs. Turner looked toward it thoughtfully. "It could be. There's only one way to find out though."

"Fall off it?"

"No, silly." She performed a dismissive gesture with her hand. "It's fly over it." She pulled an anchor out of nowhere and dropped it over the side of the raft. "Wait here," she said before flying off, leaving Timmy to himself.

"Now what?" he asked himself.

It was becoming more and more clear that a waterfall was up ahead. The roiling water at the apparent horizon was a dead give-away. "Oh, Mom," he said to the air. There was a second way. Simply waiting until you get closer!"

But he was confident that his mother would save him.

Right?

OOO-

Vicky couldn't hide the astonishment she had for the log tree house that Johnny had built. Of course it was Johnny who had build it. There was no one else around but Johnny and Vicky. And Vicky knew that she didn't build it. She didn't have the skills or, more importantly, the interest. That was what little twerps were for.

Like Johnny Q. Brat.

Vicky growled. That brat was supposed to be looking for her shirt. Not building a shelter! "Johnny, get your butt down here and give my shirt if you've found it. Otherwise get your butt in gear and start looking!"

"I've got your shirt right here, Vicky," a voice said from behind her, causing her to jump.

When she had landed back down, she faced the opposite direction. "Don't ever do that, twerp!"

Johnny had a puppy-dog look. "I only wanted to tell you that I found your shirt." He had some blue material in his hands.

Vicky eyed it suspiciously. Then she reached out and snatched it out of Johnny's grasp. It turned out to be a blue cotton button-up shirt. "That's not my shirt."

"I'm sorry," he said. "What does it look like?"

Vicky sighed. She was beginning to wonder how many shirts were in this crater forest. "It's green." She sighed when she saw the look on Johnny's face. "Just bring every green piece of material that you find."

He gave a jaunty salute and ran off. As Vicky studied the blue shirt, she came up with many a delicious plan to scare the pants off that Johnny twerp. She laughed.

He stopped and looked back. "Say, you're pretty handy with logs, Vicky. That's a pretty cool tree house that you built."

Vicky pinched the bridge of her nose. "Just go get those green cloths."

"All righty." He saluted again and left.

_Oh great. Another mystery. If he didn't build that tree house, who did?_

She made her decision as she put on the blue shirt. She would try the Big Foot gambit.

She had more important things to do than worry about tree houses from nowhere.


	17. Mr Turner Finds His Son

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 17: Mr. Turner Finds His Son

Written: 27 Mar 2005-6 Apr 2005

Posted: 6 Apr 2005

Timmy had waited patiently for his mother to pick him up, but now the waterfall was getting uncomfortably close. One-minute-from-falling-off-the-waterfall close. Where was his mother?

Then he noticed the shelf thing extending from the cliff to his right. Perhaps he could jump off onto that before the raft carried him to the unknown depths below. But he saw a familiar sight on the shore. A man without pants who looked remarkably like his dad. Wait a second. That was his dad!

"Dad, what are you doing here?" he asked as he fought the current of the river. His dad was supposed to be at the top of the ravine.

Timmy had never seen such fury as he was seeing in his father. "You," he accused. "Explain thyself."

"Explain myself?" Timmy wondered.

Before falling off the waterfall.

As he fell, he began to say his last prayers.

But before he could splash into the waters below, a hand wrapped itself around his wrist.

OOO-

"How is this possible?" Jorgen bellowed. It's been six hours since the water dripping had started, and still Wanda hadn't shown the slightest sign of flinching.

Wanda said nothing. She didn't want to ruin the surprise for him. It was a dozy of one. But apparently Jorgen didn't share her enthusiasm to wait until Christmas to open his presents.

He pointed his wand toward his head. "Tell me now or I'll blast all your hair away." He really drove the point home here. "And since you don't have your wand, you can't just poof it back."

Wanda sighed. It looked like she was going to tell him already. "I've been phase-shifting."

"Phase-shifting? You mean where you shift your molecules out of phase with the rest of the world, including the water drops falling on your head?"

Wanda nodded.

"Impossible! If you were to phase-shift, I would have noticed."

Wanda smirked. "Look a little closer."

Jorgen did. And he saw. "You're slightly transparent. How are you doing this?"

"Easy. I phase-shifted just enough to let the water drops fall through me, but not enough that you would notice."

Jorgen whistled in appreciation. "I have never heard of such fine control."

"Thank you."

"But you have mistake of thinking about your hair before the consequence of giving away valuable secrets like that."

A moment later, Wanda wined. "Of course. How could I be so stupid?"

"It must be rubbing off of Cosmo," Jorgen jested. He clicked his fingers. "Now we just phase-shift the water drops the same amount that you do."

Wanda sighed. _Here we go again._

OOO-

Johnny whistled to himself as he gathered the bits of green cloth stuck to the log. Collecting all these green cloths would have been very boring, except for all the interesting creatures that keep popping out of the forest. He had often wondered what they were. But they all seemed to be different.

He had made it all the way to the bank of the river. He wished he could take a dip in it, but he had to find the green clothes for Vicky. She had sent on that errand by an adult, and his Grandma had always told him to listen to his elders. That is, people who were older than him. But what was all these green cloths doing out here anyway?

He gathered a pair of green pants from the bush when he saw another boy staring at him from the other side of the river. "Hi, I'm Johnny. What's your name?"

"Johnny?" The boy looked a bit surprised. "The same Johnny who has a fairy godparent by the name of Juandissimo Magnifico?"

Wow, so this kid had a fairy godparent, too, huh? He wondered what his (or her name) was. But he, whoever he was, wasn't going to like the answer. So he hesitated before saying, "Not exactly."

"What do you mean, 'Not exactly'?" a butterfly fluttered by the other boy's head that Johnny had failed to notice before.

OOO-

Cosmo was a bare five inches from freedom (he was quite convinced of this), when he heard his mother's voice call for him. He backed out of the tunnel, however short it was, he had just dug into the wall and spotted his momma standing by the open door to the cell. "Momma! You've come for me!"

"That's right, Snookums," Momma Cosma cooed. "And I will never leave you again." Actually Cosmo hadn't been worrying about that, but it still was good to hear.

"But what are you to do about Wanda, Momma?"

There was a flash of something on his mother's face, but that soon passed. "She is a heartless shrew, honey. She just abandoned you."

"That's not true, Momma. Wanda would never do that to me."

Momma Cosma smiled patiently. "Then let me show you." She began to escort her son out of the dungeon. "It will be all the evidence you need to be convinced."

OOO-

Mr. Turner ran down the slope as fast as he could. He had spotted his way-ward son fall off the waterfall, and while he was upset that his son would conspire with his mortal enemy against him, he still had to see if his son was okay. After all what kind of father would he be if he didn't?

A stitch flared in his side, but he paid it no heed as he rocketed off of the slope.

OOO-

"How did she manage to lose her shirt?" Timmy wondered of Johnny.

He shrugged. "I don't know. She wasn't wearing it when I met her."

"There seems to be a lot of people losing their clothing lately," Mrs. Turner mused. "My husband just lost his _pants_. Of course that's a habit of his."

Johnny blinked. "That was your husband?"

Mrs. Turner nodded.

"But he's a human."

"So?"

"I've never heard of a human and a fairy getting married."

"You should read more fairy tales," Timmy muttered.

Mrs. Turner smiled. "I was a human until a couple of days ago."

"How did that happen?"

"That is a long story." She leaned in closer. "Now explain this about you and Juandissimo, why don't you?"

"He's my godfather."

"Okay," Timmy replied. "That was what I had figured."

"No, I mean my actual godfather."

"Oh," Timmy and his mother both said.

Suddenly, Mrs. Turner looked toward the cliff face. "Someone's coming." With that she poofed herself away.

"Just great," Timmy said. "Mom leaves me again."

"At least your Mom's still with you."

Timmy looked at him funny, not getting what he just said. But before he could inquire about it, his father appeared from the woods, trying to get his breath back. "Timmy. You're. Okay."

"Dad, what are you doing here?"

"Looking for you," Mr. Turner said after getting must of his breathe back. "And stop your evils plans with Dinkleburg to take my wife away."


	18. Bittersweet Reunion

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 18: Bittersweet Reunion

Written: 3 May 2005-11 May 2005

Posted: 11 May 2005

"I think I'll go get some firewood now," Johnny said. Then he left.

"But, Dad, I haven't plotting with Dinkleberg for any reason, lot alone to take Mom away from you," Timmy said.

"Ha! Why should believe you?"

"What gave you the idea that I was?"

"Vicky told me about your insidious plot against your own father."

Vicky! That lying… "Dad, did she provide any proof of these claims?"

"She doesn't need any proof. She's your babysitter."

Oh joy! Just was it about Timmy's parent made them so obtuse about raising a son. Such as him. "That's just a ploy to get your help in tracking me down. I did kinda run away under her watch, you know."

"But she was the one leading the way. And if she didn't want to get into trouble, then why would she tell me, huh, Smart Guy?"

"Ahh… I need to go."

"No, you need to stay here and answer my questions, mister."

Timmy nodded down toward his crotch. "No, I need to go."

"Oh. Okay. But make it quick."

"Okay, Dad."

Timmy got and headed to and behind a bush so he could get some privacy. His mother poofed in before him. "Mom, Dad doesn't believe me. What do I do?"

"Remember all those times that your fairies pretended to be human?"

Timmy nodded. "Of course. What do you have in mind, Mom?"

"Just make a wish that I could pose as your mother and I'll handle the rest from there."

"But you _are_ my mother, Mom."

"Oh. Well, do you have to wish that I would pretend that I was human?"

Timmy shrugged. "Don't know. Why don't you look it in _Da Rules_?"

"Ah right." She appeared to consider. "Or I could just wave my wand to find out."

"Or you could do that," Timmy agreed.

Mrs. Turner waved her wand.

And Timmy was comforted by the sigh of his old mother. "Now it's time to have a long talk with Butch." She looked off into the forest. "I want you to look for Johnny."

"Sure thing, Mom."

OOO-

"Mama, do you know where Wanda went?" Cosmo asked suddenly while playing with his little video game thingy.

Mama Cosma sighed. When was her son going to get over that Wanda-fixation of his. You would think that after ten thousand years with that woman he would realize that she was no good for him. But, no, he had had to fall head over heels in love with her.

That skank!

So now she had to placate her son with soothing words. "Like I told you earlier, Dear. She left you."

"But Wanda would never do that, Mama."

She sighed. _Must we go through this every time?_ "Cosmo, you don't know her as well I do." Not exactly the truth, but it was close enough.

"Why didn't you tell me, Mama?"

"I did tell you!" Cosmo's lip started to quake, so she softened her voice. "I'm sorry, Dear. Come to Mama so she make it all better."

He accepted his mother's waiting arms and cried into her bosom, but she could tell from his eyes that he didn't believe her. Not really. It broke a mother's heart when her son doesn't accept her word. She patted his back. "Don't you worry, Cosmo. Mommy will make everything all better."

"But what's this evidence you promised to show me?"

"It will be shown to you quite soon."

OOO-

An plume of smoke erupted on the far north slope above them. It dissipated pretty quickly so it didn't appear to be any sort of threat, but Operative Kingly of the Fairy Squad, had a feeling about it. A feeling that it was a grave threat to their well-being. He didn't how. Just that it did. He turned to his partner. "That eruption looks dangerous. We had better check it out."

His partner, whatever his name was, nodded. "Sure thing, boss."

As soon as Kingsley had reported in, they were off marching up the northern slope.

OOO-

A thousand meters to the two Fairy Squad agents, Lucas and his mother lay watching them from under their concealment. "They took the bait. Now it's time for the chase."

"Oh yes, son. We wouldn't want to disappoint them, would we?"

Lucas nodded his agreement, and they began to get ready for the chase. The job of a wild goose was never done.

OOO-

Kingsley landed next to the site of the eruption and frowned. This area wasn't a mine field or volcanically active. So what had caused that eruption? "So what do you make of this, Mac?"

"I don't know, sir. You are the expert here." He paused. "And my name is Mackenzie, not Mac."

Kingsley nodded like he cared. At least he got the fairy's name halfway correct. He crouched down to get a closer look. Now that he gotten an in-close look, he could tell that it was a blast from a wand. "I think we have found our fugitives."

OOO-

Vicky had put together the scariest looking black bear disguise that she could. And that was pretty scary indeed by her reckoning. And she had lots of experience scaring little kids. If this didn't that Johnny into soiling his pants, Vicky didn't know what would.

She began prowling her way through the forest. Toward her next victim.

A few minutes later, she found him.

_So there's that little brat_, Vicky thought when she had finally found him again. With the bear suit she was wearing, she bound to scare the socks off of him.

"It's good to be the babysitter," she said cheerfully to herself.

She pounced.

OOO-

Since he was out in the middle of the woods, Johnny had decided that was going to gather firewood like he said was. He sensed something move toward him, so he looked up only to find Vicky wrapped in a bear skin with arms raised up high. He giggled. "I didn't know there were bears around here."

Vicky stopped in the middle of a step. "How did you know that it was me."

"I've seen you before, you know."

"But I was trying to scare you out of your mind, you twit."

"Then you should have done it at night then."

Vicky slapped her forehead. "Of course! I should have known that. Am I getting soft?" She looked at Johnny askew.

He was staring at her.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Vicky whined.

"I just wondering," Johnny replied. "Where did you get that green shirt?"

"Why?"

"It doesn't even cover your tummy."

"That's what it's supposed to do," Vicky snapped. "Don't you know anything about fashion."

Johnny shook his head.

Vicky sighed. "Of course you don't. You're just a boy."

_At least I'm not a girl_, he thought. But he didn't say that aloud. That wouldn't be polite. Or wise.

"Why did you run off like that?" Timmy appeared out of the bush.

"That man is crazy!" Johnny said.

Timmy shrugged. "That still hasn't stopped me from loving him."

"You're the reason I'm out here, twerp," Vicky growled. "Just what do you think you're doing out here?"

"Uh no! Vicky!"


	19. Campside Talk

Lavendarpaw, it was Vicky who told Mr. Turner that Timmy was plotting with Dinkleberg, and Mr. Turner who was naïve enough to believe him, all the way in chapter Eleven.

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 19: Campside Talk

Written: 16 May 2005-22 May 2005

Posted: 22 May 2005

Vicky glowered at him, apparently waiting for an answer. He swallowed before answering. "Would you believe looking for my Mom?"

"Actually, yes," Vicky replied, surprising Timmy. "But that's beside the point. You haven't done anything unusual, have you?" she asked in a tone that meant that she thought that he had.

But Timmy couldn't let her find out the truth. At least not until he was grown up, and his fairies had to go away forever anyway. "Nothing untoward happened, Vicky. Aside from my Mom being missing, I mean."

"Why is that?" Vicky eyeballed Timmy.

He felt a bit confused. "Why what?"

"Why is your mother missing?"

"Actually, I had already found her."

"Then why did she disappear like that?"

Timmy sighed. "I don't know," he said truthfully. "She didn't say." _Though I don't even she knows_.

"You know something." Vicky's face got even closer. "Don't you?"

"No. I don't know anything." _Boy there's four words in a row I'd thought I would never hear me say_.

"I know something, twerp. Stuff has been happening to me around me when I'm near you. Care to explain?"

"No, not really."

Vicky growled at him. He swallowed. He hoped there was a way out of this.

"There you are, Timmy," he heard his mother say. "I've been looking for you everywhere. Your father wants to see you."

"He wants to _kill_ me for taking you away. Even though I didn't do it."

"I know that you didn't take me away," Mrs. Turner said earnestly.

Timmy blushed. "Oh right."

"Mrs. Turner," Vicky said cheerfully. "What are you doing here?"

"Ah, Vicky. I'm glad I've found you. I've been meaning to talk with you."

"About what, Mrs. Turner?"

"About how you've been treating our son, Vicky."

OOO-

Actually, Wanda had found the water dripping on one's head wasn't as tortures as advertised. It seemed to have some kind of calming effect on her. She had slept through most of the "ordeal" in fact.

Until she was splashed by something very cold, that was, and she woke up coughing and spluttering. "I'm in the middle of torturing you," Jorgen bellowed. "You're aren't supposed to be falling asleep."

"Maybe you aren't doing it right," Wanda countered.

"Don't be silly, woman. I'm Jorgen von Strangle. I know exactly what I am doing."

Wanda snorted. "I already told you that I had no idea how it happened."

"Why don't I believe you?"

"You tell me."

"But I don't know anything," Wanda explained.

"Ha! I thought you were the smart one. The one with all the answers to all our questions, even though we never ask any."

Wanda shrugged. "Not that it makes any difference. In twenty minutes, it will no longer matter."

Jorgen checked his watch. "Twenty minutes? What happens in twenty minutes?"

"Oh my family is going to bust me out of here."

Jorgen laughed deeply. "They don't even know where you are."

Wanda smiled knowingly. This was one surprise that she wasn't about to ruin.

OOO-

Lucas and Fanny had led the two Fairy Squad agents to the sinkhole at the top of the ridge. "You don't think this has a slight resemblance to volcano, do you, Mom?" Lucas wondered.

"Don't be ridiculous, Lucas," she replied. "Now be a dear and lower your mother into the lion's den."

"How can you be so sure that this is their secret liar, Mom?"

"Oh a mother knows these things, my son."

Lucas looked over the edge at the distant bottom of the sinkhole, but didn't argue. Instead he poofed up a rope and tied one end of it to a rocky outcrop near the rim of the sinkhole and dropped the other end down into the pit.

Fanny shook her head bemusedly. "Honey, if you can poof yourself a rope, then surely you could fly yourself down."

"Yes, but they would surely be expecting that, Mom."

Fanny conceded the point and joined her son in rappelling down into the sinkhole. Though what difference it would make, she didn't argue with her son. As he descended into the unknown depths below, Lucas prayed that her mother knew what she was getting them into.

He also wondered if the Fairy Squad agents would follow them into the underworld.

OOO-

"When did you find your shirt, Vicky?" Johnny asked.

"Never mind that," Vicky snapped.

She had been testier since Mrs. Turner had confronted her about her recent activities. Not that Timmy blamed her. He could get a bit miffed after he'd been chastised too.

They reached the campsite where Mr. Turner sat waiting. "What was that all about?" Then he spotted his wife. He stood up. "Honey, I thought you were lost to me."

"Now why would you think that?" Mrs. Turner asked with an edge in voice, glancing at Vicky.

"Vicky said that Timmy was conspiring with Dingleberg to take you away," Mr. Turner said.

"Now why on Earth would Timmy do that for?"

"How should I know?" Mr. Turner countered. "When our son misbehaves, we don't stop to ask why."

"Perhaps we should," Mrs. Turner said. "Maybe we're bad parents."

"Us bad parents? Not possible!" But after seeing the look on his wife's face, he relented. "Okay, honey. Your theory just might have some truth to it."

Mrs. Turner nodded.

"So I'm not in the dog house?" Timmy asked eagerly.

"Only if you didn't conspire with Dinkleberg against me," Mr. Turner said suspiciously.

"Of course I didn't," Timmy replied. "Right, Vicky?"

Everyone turned to look at her. She seemed to be uncomfortable from the attention. "It was the only way to get him to follow me," she shrugged.

"No," Mrs. Turner said, "you could have said that you had seen running away from school."

Mr. Turner crossed his brow at Vicky. "That's right, young lady. You could have told us the truth and we have believed you."

"Oh right." Timmy knew that Vicky couldn't possibly had seen him run away from school. He had left with someone who had looked like his mother. And she should had been in school.

Vicky sighed. "The truth is I felt a disturbance. So I knew something was up with Timmy and I had to go investigate."

"Why did have to do, Vicky?" Mrs. Turner asked.

"I don't really trust your son, Mrs. Turner," Vicky said. "Not really."

Mr. Turner frowned. "Why not?"

Instead Vicky looked downstream. "There is a cave over there. I think that is where you answers are."

"Okay," Mr. Turner said, "but I'm not going anywhere without my pants."

Timmy nodded and Mrs. Turner nodded back. Mr. Turner's pants reappeared on him in a flash. "Okay, let's go." He got up.

As Mrs. Turner stood up, she asked, "What makes you think our answers are in the cave, Vicky?"

"I wish I knew, Mrs. Turner," Vicky said with regret, "but I don't."

"There's still the matter of your treatment of our son to be discussed," Mrs. Turner said sternly. "Just how far is this cave?"

"Nor far, Mrs. Turner. In fact, you can't miss it."

Mr. Turner frowned slightly. "Well, I guess I deliver you a stern-talking-to fast-track while we head out."

"Do you have to?"

Mr. And Mrs. Turner exchanged glances before answering. "Yes!"


	20. Into the Cave

alisha marie and catlover15, thanks for the reviews. It's always uplifting to read postive reviews about your work.

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 20: Into the Cave

Written: 24 May 2005-1 Jun 2005

Posted:2 Jun 2005

Lucas had found that he had to crawl through a narrow, cramped tunnel to move forward. He didn't know just what was up ahead, but his mother had been so sure that Wanda was in there. And Lucas wasn't one to argue with his mother. He had feeling that it was a Fairy Squad base. But since Wanda was trapped inside, he had no choice but to go in there and rescue her.

After all, what else were big brothers for?

Even with his wand lit up so he could see, a bright spot in the distance was now visible. He turned to face Fanny, who was in lighted-up region about twelve paces behind, and said, "I think we're almost there Mom. There seems to be a light up ahead."

"Oh, thank goodness. It seems like we have been in this tunnel for hours."

"I know what you mean. But," he checked his watch, which he poofed up at the beginning of this dungeon crawl, "it was only five minutes ago."

"Oh great. Time slowed even faster than I had thought. What's next? Jorgen waiting at the end of this tunnel for us?"

"Mom, saying such things has a bad habit of making it so."

"I know. I know. But we have to hope for the best."

"But prepare for the worst," Lucas countered.

Fanny nodded, but said nothing.

They continued crawling forward. Extra speed had entered their pace since they were almost out of the gods-forsaken tunnel. Three minutes later, Lucas crawled out. And found that the tunnel emptied into a men's restroom. A line of stalls filled the wall to the right, and sinks lined the opposite wall. Urinals were to his left and his right. "You were right, Mom. I shouldn't have worried," he said when his mother poked her head out.

"Momma always knows best."

Suddenly the bathroom opened.

And Jorgen entered the room. He looked very surprised.

"Or maybe not," Fanny noted.

OOO-

Timmy listened as his mother gave Vicky a "stern talking-to." "You had a responsibility, Vicky. Taking care of our defenseless, helpless ten-year-old son." Timmy bristled when he was called weak and helpless, but kept quiet. "And you're simply abused your job as babysitter. And we aren't going to let you get away with it anymore. Right, honey?"

"That's right, honey," Mr. Turner said in a less-than-interested tone. Mrs. Turner just rolled her eyes.

Frowning, Timmy wasn't sure that he liked where this was going. With Vicky under heel and his own mother a fairy, did Wanda and Cosmo have to go away forever? From Timmy's experience, the answer was probably a big, fat yes. He sighed before realizing that there had to be something that he could do. But what?

"Say, mister, how did you get your pants back?" Johnny asked suddenly.

"What are you talking about?" Mr. Turner said decisively. "I've always had on my pants."

Timmy smiled. There's something that will never change. His father's natural goofiness would last through anything.

"The cave is up ahead," Vicky said eagerly, as if she were trying to make up for whatever she had done wrong. _Like that was possible_, Timmy thought.

Sure enough they came upon a cave that the river emptied itself into. A few yards from the mouth of the cave, the river turned right toward who knew where. The Fairy Squad was Timmy's guess, but he wasn't too sure.

The group began to enter the cave, except for Vicky, who ha suddenly stopped. "I'm not going in there."

"Why not, Vicky?" Mrs. Turner asked.

"Because that is where terrible stuff happens," Vicky answered, trembling.

"You're one to talk," Timmy scoffed.

Vicky didn't budge an inch.

Mr. Turner shrugged. "Okay, Vicky. See you later."

Timmy felt relief from leaving Vicky behind.

Until they entered the cave, however. "Vicky was right. Evil deeds are performed here." An evil aura seemed to come from the walls, and it seemed to want to enter through their pores, given a quarter of a chance. But sniffing the air soon proved it to be just noxious fumes. But Timmy wasn't about to let the evil smells stop him.

He was going to rescue Wanda and nothing's going to stop him.

"Everyone has a hardhat and three sources of light?" Mrs. Turner asked.

"Of course, Mom." Timmy placed a yellow construction helmet, with a coal miner's lamb attached, upon his head. "Doesn't everybody?"

OOO-

A.J. was starting to wonder where Timmy had ended up. He hadn't shown in class for the past two days. And he couldn't reach him or his parents at his home. Which was very odd, as A.J. had always been to reach him before. A.J. feared the worst.

He was using his detection and ranging equipment, which resembled a radar set, when the doorbell was rang. He waited for his mother to get, until he remembered that his parents were away. He sighed, before turning to his security monitors and found a blonde girl in a pink dress at the front door. "Yes, what is it?" he asked into the intercom.

"I know where Timmy Turner is," was all the girl said. But it perked A.J.'s attention. He activated his teleportation ray and beamed the girl right into his lab.

"Oh my," she said. "How did you ever manage that trick?"

"I'm a super genius," A.J. replied. "It's comes with the territory. Now what's this about knowing where Timmy is."

"Well, don't I get an opportunity to introduce myself first?"

"Sorry. Go on." A.J. showed to a chair, which she sat in.

"My name is Sally Vontrap."

A.J. nodded.

"And I can show you where your friend is."

"On a map?"

Sally frowned. "No, I don't think I could find it on a map. But surely you have gadgets you could use to take us there with and I could point to you when we get there."

"I got inventions that could you anywhere you want to go. But if you can't find it on a map, then I how could I find a path to where he is? And how do I know that you are telling the truth?"

Sally hesitated before answering. "I wish I could show you where he is, A.J., but I just don't know how." Then her eyes lit up. "Maybe I can show you after all."

OOO-

They came upon a massive steel door a few yards from where the cavern disappears into the dark depths of the water. There seemed to be no way to open it up, and a search of the area appeared to prove that assessment. "Man, it looks like somebody likes to keep secrets," Mr. Turner commented.

"There has to be a way into there," Timmy said.

"Maybe you have to be a fairy to open it," Mrs. Turner whispered into his ear. She was squatting next to her son so they could talk in secret.

"Or poof their way through," Timmy replied. "But what could possibly be on the other side of this door could be so important that they would put it behind a big steel door in a cave in a valley in the middle of nowhere?" he asked. But he knew what was really important to him. Wanda was in there and she wanted out. "But whatever is in there, he have to go in."

"Wanda," Mrs. Turner said simply.

"Yes. Wanda," Timmy nodded.

Without thinking, he reached out and touched the door with his palm. It felt warm to his touch, despite the almost chilly conditions in the cave. For a second nothing happened. But then the door slowly opened, revealing a bright light from beyond the doorway.

When it had opened far enough, Timmy stepped forward, taking it for granted that his parents and Johnny would follow him in.


	21. Magic Carpet Ride

Lavdendarpaw, Catlover, and Alisha Marie, thanks for the reviews. And this is what happens next.

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 21: Magic Carpet Ride

Written: 3 Jun 2005-6 Jun 2005

Posted: 6 Jun 2005

Sally stared down at the ground far below with wonder. At all the forested hills and the river they were almost over. She had never thought she would go on a magic carpet ride. And now was directing one under the wise tutelage of A.J. "What keeps it up in the air?" she asked without turning.

"A system to counteract the effects of gravity that I developed myself. I call it it counter-gravity."

She cooed before asking, "What's that river we're now passing over?"

Sally heard the rustling of the map. It was the only thing made of paper they had brought along. "I believe it's the Dimmsdale River."

"All the way out here?" she mused.

"What's this way that you have thought of, Sally?"

"We go where the wind takes us, A.J. I have told you all this before."

"Yes, I know. But what does it mean?"

"Exactly what it sounds like. We follow the wind."

"You can't be serious!"

Sally looked back at A.J. and smiled. "We have been going downwind ever since we took off. And I haven't you complain until now."

A.J. frowned. "But that's impossible. No wind could remain that steady and blowing in the same direction for that length of time. You must be kidding."

"We're riding on a magic carpet that you created. Don't talk to me about impossible, A.J. Just have faith. We'll get there."

What Sally neglected to tell A.J. was that she had wished Juandissimo would blow a wind to guide their way to that Turner kid. It seemed to be working.

"Okay, we haven't found Timmy in the next two hours, we're turning back."

"Three," Sally countered.

A.J. rolled his eyes but agreed. "Fine then. _Three_ hours then. But that's it. When those three hours are up we head back. Agreed?"

"Agreed."

They flew away from the setting sun.

OOO-

"Where's Wanda?" Cosmo naively asked one of the two guards. _Must he go on so?_ Mama Cosma wondered. _He should really that it's all for the best_. They were taking a stroll through the underground rose garden. She felt that she needed to say something to him.

It had been the plan to speak to his son about Wanda all along, but she couldn't wait until Wanda was finally banished. She should have known that switching Wanda's and that woman's body wouldn't work, but it didn't. Now they were stuck in this current mess.

"Cosmo darling," she said, "there's something I have to tell you." She winced. That had been no way to begin a frank talk with your son.

But apparently it went over his head. Cosmo asked eagerly, "What is it, Mama?"

"It's Wanda. She isn't coming."

Cosmo looked at her in disbelief. She didn't like it. "What do you mean, Mama?"

"I'm sorry to tell you this, honey, but Wanda ran off with that Juandissimo guy. I watched them ride on the back of a white stallion into the sunset." _Cosmo would never buy it_, Mama Cosma thought. Just before he buried his head in her bosom and started wailing like a baby. Which in same ways he resembled. "That's alright, Cosmo dear, that mean old Wanda witch is suffering for her sins as I speak."

OOO-

Wanda was hardly suffering, despite the water dripping on her forehead. She was looking directly at her brother, who was standing just behind Jorgen's left. And Jorgen had lost his usual take-charge attitude. "It would seem that you are free to go," he said.

"Well, that's good to hear," Wanda noted.

The water stopped dripping, and Fanny appeared and began undoing the binds that held Wanda to the table. "No daughter should be locked up like a criminal," Fanny was muttering.

"Unless I'm grounded that is," Wanda replied.

"Yes, unless you're grounded," Fanny agreed.

But they had to hurry, as the guards were sure to be alerted to their presence by now. Jorgen simply was a shadow of his usual self. There was nothing that could had been done about it. His usual self was quite a handful. Nevertheless, they had to get Wanda and exit the premises before the guards could figure out their exact location or what they were doing there.

Once she was free, Wanda patted Jorgen on the cheek as she passed. "See you later, Jorgey."

Lucas covered Jorgen as the girls left the room. But there would be nothing to do with Jorgen once Lucas had stopped aiming his wand at him. Speed was of the essence. Particularly now that Jorgen was able to sound the alarm.

The guards were guaranteed to know that they were intruders now. Lucas silently counted to ten, and ran after his sister and mother.

OOO-

As Timmy made down the slope of the steel-incased tunnel which was curved to the left, he began to notice the smell of rotting eggs. "Why would there be rotting eggs?" he asked.

"With underground facilities like this one," his father replied, "who can tell?"

_A fairy could_, Timmy thought, but didn't answer aloud. That would have led to many questions he feared. He didn't want to do anything to make him lose his fairy godparents forever. Including blabbing about their existence. To anyone.

An half an hour later, they found that the tunnel ended with a wall that had no visible door. (And the smell of rotten eggs was much stronger now.) Timmy and Mrs. Turner exchanged uncomfortable glances. Getting through such barriers was well in a fairy's abilities, but they didn't want to clue _Mr._ Turner in on the fact that his wife was a fairy. Mr. Turner began to feel along the wall. "There has to be a door along here somewhere. I mean they wouldn't hide an underground passage in a cave and just stick a wall at the end of it, would they?"

Timmy thought better of the sarcastic reply that was forming on his lips. But Johnny came up with an explanation that sounded reasonably. "Maybe this was just a place where they stored stuff they didn't people to find."

"Then why does it smell like rotten eggs in here, huh?"

Johnny shrugged. "Maybe this was also where they kept their groceries?"

"Maybe there was a hidden door we had missed on our way," Mrs. Turner said. "I'll take the boys to look while you wait here, honey."

"Okay, honey. I'll keep looking here."

Mrs. Turner took the two boys out of Mr. Turner's sight and turned to her fairy form. "I say that we leave him here and I poof us to the other side of that wall."

"Just leave Dad here? All alone?" Timmy inquired. "That doesn't seem right."

"Well, would it be better that he found about Cosmo and Wanda?"

Timmy nodded. "You're right, Mom."

"But how do we know that there's a room behind that room?"

"Oh, there is." Mrs. Turner waved her wand and they were poofed away.

OOO-

Wanda couldn't believe her eyes. "Wanda, it is I, Juandissimo Magnifico, and I have come to rescue you," a little too loudly.

Wanda tried to sush him. The Fairy Squad was hot on their heels. And the last thing that she wanted was to be recaptured because of an ex-boyfriend's bungled attempt to rescue her. "Can't you see that I'm already being rescued?"

Then Juandissimo turned and saw Fanny and Lucas. He drooped. "Oh, I see. Then you don't need my help then."

Wanda hated to see him like this. He had been, after all, only trying to help. "There is something that you can do, Juan," she said. She pointed behind her. "Could you be a dear and keep those guards busy for me?"

"For you? Anything."

"Thank you. I'll make it up to you someday," Wanda promised.

"No payment is required. Unless," Juandissimo wiggled his eyebrow, "you want to go out with me again."

"It will be something else."

Juandissimo shrugged. "You can't say I haven't tried. But I mustn't allow these fiends to get their hands on you ever again." He charged toward the pursuing guards with his wand held high.

"Maybe I did make a mistake in my choice of mate," Wanda asked, already knowing the answer that question. Then she hurried to catch up with the others.

They barged past the door that blocked their way. Only to find…

Timmy, his mom, and some kid being held by members of the Fairy Squad.

"So guys, what are you doing here?" Wanda asked.

OOO-

The mountains beneath them were pocked by many canyons and and the occasional sinkhole. In the moonlight, it ironically looked like a moonscape. Sally raised an eyebrow. This was obviously the place where Timmy was, or at least had been. Now Sally felt silly for thinking that finding this place would be something difficult. Instead it looked simpler than licking a stamp. But then again, she reminded herself, the world was a pretty big place.

Then the wind led straight toward a sinkhole fed by the most wondours waterfall that Sally had ever seen. Of course, Sally hadn't seen all that many waterfalls in her life, but still. "It looks he's down there in that sinkhole. At least that's where the winds is taking us."

A.J. nodded. It had only been two hours since they had reached their agreement so there was still time to look.

They descended into the darkened hole in the ground.


	22. The Capture

Lavendarpaw, Catlover15, Celtic Glory, TootieRulez and Oneesan no Miroku Houshi, thanks for the reviews.

Celtic Glory, this chapter and the one after are about that. Now it's only this chapter.

You know, for some reason, I keep forgetting to add these responses to your reviews.

Oops! It seems that I had goofed. When I originally wrote this chapter. Juandissimo and Johnny slipped my mind. That has been now remedied.

And I orgianally planned to write the chapter sequence in two parts, but now it's only going to be one. Hope you enjoy the corrected chapter!

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 22: The Capture

Written: 17 Jun 2005-19 Jul 2005

Posted: 20 Jul 2005

Revised: 6 Aug 2005

Vicky laid back and watched the clouds pass by. One had a passing resemblance to the twerp. She scowled at it. But it didn't seem to make her feel any better. And there was this dark spot in the cloud that seemed to be getting bigger. Then she noticed that it had a slight resemblance to a flying carpet with a couple of passengers. But it couldn't be. There was no such thing as carpets that flew. She ought to know better.

But as it got closer, Vicky could no longer deny the truth. It _was_ a flying carpet. And to make matters worse, those two passengers were two twerps. A boy twerp and a girl twerp. And that boy twerp was one of Timmy's geeky friends. Vicky glared at the approaching carpet. "How dare they have a magic carpet when she didn't!" she growled, forgetting that there was no such thing.

She waited impatiently as the carpet flew down toward her. Vicky grinned. She knew how she was going to greet the carpet riders.

-OOO-

A.J. groaned as soon as he saw Vicky by the mouth of the cave. "Not Vicky," he mumbled.

Sally nodded. Clearly she understood.

"Are you sure that Timmy is down there, Sally?"

"Quite sure," Sally answered solemnly.

"In that cave?"

"Yes."

Sighing, A.J. continued to guide the carpet toward the cave. And toward Vicky.

There had to be a way into that cave without going through Vicky. But A.J. had yet to see what it was.

He aimed the carpet twelve meters upstream from Vicky's position. She had already spotted them, but he decided it best to land far away from Vicky as possible. Vicky was the last person he wanted to run into here.

Or anywhere else for that matter.

At anytime.

Apparently Sally didn't mind. As she didn't argue with about his choice. Even though she was certain that Timmy was in the cave. But why was so certain that he was in the cave? And what was her experience with Vicky? A.J. had thought he knew everyone that Vicky terrorized. Apparently not.

They landed behind a tree, and A.J. viewed Vicky through a pair of binoculars that he had brought with him. She was staring back with a look of disdain on her face. "Just how are we going to get past Vicky?" A.J. asked aloud.

"I say we rush her," Sally said from behind him. "How hard can it be?"

A.J. looked back. "She has lots practice dealing with little kids like you and me. I don't think it will be easy."

"Just relax," Sally smiled warmly. "I know how to deal with this one."

She squeezed A.J.'s shoulder and began sauntering toward Vicky. _I hope she knows what she is doing_, he thought. _And I don't think that Vicky would be turned on, even she did lean that way. And we're much too young_.

Vicky watched Sally approach with clear disgust on her face. "What do yo want, twerp?"

"We just want into the cave."

"Go ahead. I'm not stopping you."

A.J. blinked. There was something important that Vicky wasn't telling them. It was probably a trap, he decided.

"And you might as well come out and join her," Vicky told A.J. "There are unholy things happening in that cave. You might like it, you two."

"Unholy?" It was a funny thing to hear Vicky talk about what _she_ deemed "unholy." Whatever it was, it couldn't too pleasant. Or could it? Vicky had funny ideas about such things.

"Maybe Timmy isn't in the cave after all, Sally," he said.

-OOO-

"I was wondering, Timmy," Wanda said. "Just how did you all get captured?"

"Do you really think that this is the time for that?" Timmy snapped. Everyone's wrists and ankles were strapped to the wall.

"I don't see why not. We seem to have all the time in the world now."

"And there might some lesson to be learned from the experience," Mrs. Turner added. "Like how to prevent it from happening in the future."

"I don't see how," Timmy replied.

"Try it, honey. It's not like we have a movie to watch."

Timmy sighed. "I suppose you're right."

"And I was wondering myself how that happened," Fanny said.

"It happened like this," Timmy began to relate the tale.

-OOO-

Timmy stepped back cautiously from the gapping void ahead of him. Looking down into it, he hadn't been able to see the bottom of it. And Timmy was afraid that he would fall into it if he stood too close to the edge.

And he backed up into someone. He didn't know who, so he turned to see. It turned out to be his mom, who was her usual size. "Sorry, Mom."

But she didn't seem to be paying attention. Her attention seemed to be drawn by something beyond the void ahead. Her eyes looked a little glassed over. Timmy wondered what enchanted her so. When he looked to see his mother was looking out, he couldn't see anything except for the tunnel on the other side of the shaft they had came upon. "Ah, Mom, there isn't anything there."

"Sure there is, son. You just have to look harder."

Timmy looked harder, but he still didn't see it. He was getting a inkling of something, but it wouldn't form properly in his mind. But whatever it was, it seemed awfully important.

"Stop her! Before she walks over the edge!" A voice yelled. It was Juandissimo's. Timmy rushed, without thinking, and tackled his own mother before she could go off the edge.

"Let go of me, Timothy," Mrs. Turner screamed. "I am your mother, young man. Let go of me!"

-OOO-

"And you should have done a better job holding onto me, Timmy," Mrs. Turner explained.

Timmy sighed. "Can I please get to my story? You're the one who said I might learn something from it."

"Don't you see? We have learned something already."

"Yeah," Timmy replied. "You're much stronger than I am."

"Anything else?" Mrs. Turner asked.

Timmy looked up to the right. "Well…"

-OOO-

Timmy tried with all his might, but he all that he could manage was to slow his mother to a slow creep. Mrs. Turner kept inexplicable heading toward the big plunge, and there didn't seem to be anything he could do about it. "Juandissimo! Johnny! Someone help me!"

The fairies rushed forward and grabbed the back of Mrs. Turner's shirt and tried pulling. But it was already too late.

Mrs. Turner plunged over the edge and fell into the abyss.

-OOO-

"What do you mean by that?" Sally asked. "Of course Timmy is in there." After all the path that had been laid down by Juandissimo wouldn't lie, would it? But where was Juandissimo, anyway? What was he doing that so important that he couldn't stay with her?

"ARE YOU HEADING INTO THE CAVE OR NOT?" Vicky sounded very annoyed.

"You heard the woman," Sally said, pulling on A.J.'s arm. "Let's head out. I'm sure that whatever dark forces she's talking about are all in her head."

"I wouldn't say that if I were you," Vicky replied before laughing manically. "Timmy went down there an hour ago with his parents and some friends of his, and they still haven't returned."

"See? I told you he went down there," Sally said.

"Looking forward to you disappearing forever, twerps."

A.J. frowned. "Just how are you getting home?"

"Shut up, you twerps!"

They walked away toward the cave. "What bug crawled up her butt and died," Sally said when they arrived.

A.J. shrugged. "You first, Sally."

"How kind of you," Sally replied.

They got out their flashlights before going in.

-OOO-

"I was hypnotized," Mrs. Turner said softly. "I couldn't help myself."

"We know, Maria," Wanda said. "We know."

Lucas said nothing. He just looked toward the door.

"Can I go on now?" Timmy asked.

"Yes, of course, dear," Mrs. Turner said.

Timmy continue retelling the events of a few minutes before.

-OOO-

He was a bit surprised when he landed on a soft mattress. He looked around and didn't see any of the others anywhere. "Where is everyone?" he asked when the mattress had settled down.

No one answered.

"This can't be good," he said to himself.

"No, it isn't," a voice said.

Timmy spun around. And jumped. Mama Cosma had appeared right behind him. He could have sworn that nobody had been there. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm making you offer, kid," Mama Cosma said. She sounded like she meant it. "Are you willing to listen?"

Timmy said nothing.

"I'll take that as a yes."

Timmy still said nothing.

"I bear you no particular harm. It's Wanda that I detest. Not you. You could leave here completely unharmed, with your mother returned to turned back to normal. You would like that, wouldn't you?"

"But what about Wanda? What would happen to her?"

"That's no concern of yours."

"Yes, it is. She's my fairy godparent. And, more importantly, I love her and she loves me. And nothing can change that."

Mama Cosma harden her face. "Then keep her! It's no concern of me."

She left and the matters opened up under Timmy. He fell.

-OOO-

When Timmy had finished telling the tale, he said, "I don't see anything we could have done differently."

"You could be right, sport," Wanda said.

"Maybe if we had Butch with us…" Mrs. Turner started, but she didn't finish.

"Thinking of what could have been won't get us out any faster," Lucas said. "We have to stick our heads together and find a way out of here."

"You're right, Lucas," Fanny said.

They begun planning, but the real question remained. Where were Juandissimo and his godkid, Johnny?

-OOO-

Cosmo's world had shattered. He had thought that Wanda would stay true to him. Instead she had went ahead and done… that. How could she? That woman.

That harpy.

She had sworn that she was over that Juandissimo.

"I know that you're upset, honey," Mama Cosma said. "That's why I was so hesitant to show you."

She had shown her son a video of Wanda and Juandissimo rubbing their heads against each other over a milkshake that two straws sticking out of it. They seemed to be love with each other. Heartboken, Cosmo cried into his mother's shoulder, who gentlely patted his back. "But don't worry, sweetie. Mama's going to make it all right again."

-OOO-

"What was her deal?" Sally asked as she and A.J. made their way through the cave. "Why wouldn't she enter this cave? And what was with that comment about us disappearing?"

"Perhaps that has something to do with the aura of evil in here," A.J. replied.

"What aura of evil?" She didn't feel any aura of evil. And besides what would that feel like anyway?

They followed along the underground stream further. The stream seemed to go on forever. And the feeling that the end of the cave being just out of range of their flashlights didn't help things either.

But they eventually an open metal door in the wall across the stream from them, on the left bunk. "After you," Sally invited.


	23. Timmy's Release

Here's Chapter 23, Tootierulez!

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 23: Timmy's Release

Written: 25 Sep-30 Sep 2005

Posted: 2 Oct 2005

"Just what the heck am I doing down this stupid tunnel?" The echoes from her own scream were Vicky's only reply. She frowned sourly. "This stinks."

She sat down on a rock and crossed her arms. "I'm not stepping another foot." But very soon she began to regret that decision. The claustrophobic darkness began to crush down on her little bubble of light from the glow stick she was carrying. And she began to hear sounds. Strange, mysterious noises. Vicky began to think that she wasn't alone.

"Hello, is there anyone there?" she called.

Only the echoes answered.

"Come on out," she growled. "I haven't time for games."

Still no answer.

"This is all that twerp's fault. If he hadn't run away from school, I'll wouldn't in this god-forsaken cave." She sighed. She wished she could go back, but there was something ahead that was pulling her forward. What it was, she had no idea. But whatever it surely involved the twerp.

She stood up. "I'll get you yet, Timmy Turner," she cried out. She ignored the echoes as knelt down to the stream to quench her thirst before returning to her quest.

It tasted pure and very sweet.

Her head snapped back as she spat it back out. How could water possibly taste both sickly sweet _and_ pure at the same time? If it was pure then how could it be so gosh darn sweet? And, on the other hand, if it was so sweet, then it be so pure. The whole thing gave her a headache. Enough to take her mind off where she was.

One word came unbidden to her lips: "Magic."

-OOO-

Timmy woke up when the door opened. It wasn't too easy to fall asleep when chained to the wall. But he guessed that he had somehow found a way. He looked to see who had entered their little dungeon cell.

And Timmy groaned. "Haven't you caused us enough trouble?"

"I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused you three," Mama Cosma said sadly.

Wanda rolled her eyes. "Yeah, right. Like I haven't heard that stinker before."

Momma Cosma's face darkened. "I don't believe I have apologized in your presence before." Wanda blushed sheepishly. "And if it wasn't for Timmy here, I wouldn't have known that my little Cosmo-lulu had ever married you, you little harridan."

Wanda kept quietly, but she did look skeptical.

"You don't believe me." She almost looked hurt. "What can I do to prove my honesty?"

Fanny spoke up. "Letting us go would be a good start."

"Actually that's what I have came to here to do." _Could it be true?_ She turned to Wanda. "Except for you, Wanda. You have to stay."

"Figures," Wanda said deadpan.

"If it was up to me, Wanda, we wouldn't be in the mess we're in now."

"Oh, really?"

Mama Cosma smiled matronly. "Yes. If it was up to me, you would be dead long ago."

"Oh."

"Why can't Wanda go? And where's Cosmo?" Timmy didn't care about the feud between Wanda and her mother-in-law. He just wanted his freedom and his godparents back.

"The _others_ have plans for them." The obvious glee in her voice creeped Timmy out. "I'm just here to aid them in carrying them out." She turned to a fairy just outside the door. "Release them."

The fairy floated in. And Timmy couldn't believe his eyes.

It was The Oracle.

-OOO-

The two groups stood staring at each other. A.J. and Sally on one side. And Timmy's dad on the other. "Just what are you two doing here?"

"Looking for Timmy, sir," A.J. replied.

"Well, you can stop looking here, because he ain't here."

"What do you mean he isn't here, Mr. Turner? A very reliable source told me that he was."

Mr. Turner stepped forward. "Oh? What source would that be? Her girlfriend here?"

Sally looked sheepishly away.

"She's not my girlfriend, Mr. Turner," A.J. answered hastily.

"Wimp."

Mr. Turner's response did put off A.J. but he deigned not to show it. "Mr. Turner, where was the last time you seen Timmy?"

Mr. Turner motioned toward the tunnel behind him. "Somewhere in the forbidden depths beyond."

Did he really have to say forbidden? "It can't be as bad as all that, Mr. Turner."

"Oh, but it is," he replied calmly. He then cried out to the ceiling, "I'll never see my family again!"

A.J. rushed over and touched Mr. Turner's arm. "Don't worry, Mr. Turner. I'm sure that we'll find your son and wife."

"You'd better."

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"

Mr. Turner fell into a sitting position. "It's just I miss them sooo much."

A.J. walked up to him and held out his hand. "We sure could use your help, Mr. Turner."

"And I suppose I need help," Mr. Turner agreed.

They shook hands.

-OOO-

Johnny found himself back in his room like nothing had happened. He was sitting on the floor looking up at his big sister, who was wearing a "I hate boy bands" T-shirt and a green pleated short skirt, but thankfully had her legs crossed. She trembled when she saw him. "W-where did you c-come from?"

He shifted uneasily. "It's kind of hard to explain." He frowned up at her. "But what are you doing on my bed?"

Heather, pale from fright, just asked again, "Where did you come from?"

Johnny sighed. This was going to take awhile. He wished that Juandissimo was there with him. A fairy godparent would be handy about then. "Have you been taking your meds, sis?" he started tentatively.

"Of course I've taking my medicine," she yelled. Now she had uncrossed her legs and pulled them apart and Johnny got a glimpse of pink between her legs before her skirt fell in between them. Johnny felt a rush of forbidden pleasure when he caught of her panties. She had also lose her hesitance. "What do you take me for? An idiot?"

"I know better than to answer that, sis."

"Where did you come from?"

_Uh, oh._ Johnny struggled for an answer. "Uh… genies brought me here?"

Heather slipped into thought. She shrugged. "Works for me." She stood up. "But you should be aware that boons from genies come with strings," she admonished. He snorted. Everyone knows that there's no such thing as genies. She started for the door. "Come with me, little brother. There's something I want to show you." She left the room.

Johnny watched her go through the door. And after a moment's thought, got up and followed.

-OOO-

The Oracle led Timmy, his mother, and Wanda's family out through the trap door set in the sandy ground. "What happened, Oracle?" Timmy asked after he had stepped onto the sands. "Why are you working for the bad guys?"

"There's a story behind that, Timmy," she replied. "But now's not the time."

"Why not?"

"We have a get-away to make." The Oracle glanced at a watch on her wrist that hadn't been a second ago. "And quickly, if we want to make the hills by nightfall."

They started marching toward the hills half-way to the horizon. "Why? What's going at the hills?" Timmy asked, trying to catch up.

The Oracle had a crooked smile. "What do you think?"


	24. Wanda's Fate

Thanks for the observation, tootierulez. I'll keep it in mind.

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 24: Wanda's Fate

Written: 30 Sep 2005-3 Oct 2005

Posted: 3 Oct 2005

Johnny couldn't believe his eyes. He had never seen a statue of Timmy before. Let alone a marble life-sized one. He wondered where it came from? And what was it doing in his living room?

"Where did you get this?" he asked Heather.

She shook her head. "It was already here when I got here."

"That's strange. Why would leave a statue of Timmy Turner in our living room?"

His sister eyed him with suspicion. "You actually know this Turner kid?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"The one who Vicky Spain baby-sits?"

"Ye-es."

Instead of continuing the conversation, she stared thoughtfully at the white statue. She seemed awfully interested about it, Johnny judged. What did she see in it?

"Heather?"

"Mmm?"

"I said that Vicky was the one that baby-sits him."

"That poor boy," Heather shook her head sadly without taking her eyes off of the statue. "That Vicky's such a shrew."

"Yeah, I've noticed."

Heather turned toward her little brother. "From where did know her?"

"We've, uh, met."

"Is that during the last time you disappeared for awhile?"

Johnny nodded.

I've been wondering. Where exactly do you go during these excursions of yours?"

Johnny shifted his gaze. "You know? Places." He suddenly faced the kitchen, where their mother was cooking, totally oblivious to their conversation. "What's that, mom? You want to stop by the store and pick up some Parmesan cheese? No problem, mom." Before his sister could object, he was out of the door.

-OOO-

"But we have been to this spot five times already, Mr. Turner," A.J. moaned.

"Nonsense! That's just your imagination."

A.J. looked uncertainly over their immediate surroundings. "I don't think so." They were at an intersection, where a now familiar skeleton laid guarding both sterile white passageways. A.J. could only surmise that the man, he tell the sex of the deceased from just looking at the bones, had died while trying to find a whole out of this labyrinth.

There had to be a way to avoid that man's fate.

Sally nodded. "He's an adult, A.J. He knows what he's doing."

A.J. sighed. No one ever seemed to listen to him. He watched Sally and Mr. Turner take the hall to the right, before he resigned himself to his fault and followed after.

Many twists and turns later, they came upon yet another dead end. "Oh, sure. He's an adult," A.J. said in a mocking manner. "He knows what he's doing."

"Shut up," Sally snapped. Clearly she wasn't in the mood.

"Now you two," Mr. Turner admonished. "Now isn't time for pointing fingers. Now is the time for finding a way out of this heck-hole."

"But how we are going to do that?" A.J. asked. "This is the fifteenth time we been here."

"Oh how can you tell?"

"I recognize that Mary-shaped stain over there."

Mr. Turner looked closer. "Oh."

"I can see where Timmy gets his smarts from," Sally muttered.

Suddenly, Mr. Turner turned around. "I know the way!" He started marching away from the wall. And A.J. started to follow, but Sally sat right down and hugged her knees to her chest. "This is stupid! We're aren't getting anywhere."

Mr. Turner stopped and faced her. "Don't be silly, Lucy,-"

"It's Sally."

"Right, Sally," he corrected himself. "Anyway, we won't get anywhere if he just sat around sucking our thumbs."

Blushing, Sally removed her thumb from her mouth. "Maybe if we took a break," she suggested.

"Don't be silly," Mr. Turner said. "I have to find Timmy and my wife."

"But what about us?" A.J. asked.

"You signed up to help me, and that's exactly what you're doing."

-OOO-

Cosmo relaxed in the hot tub that his mother had so lovingly provided for him. She hadn't even minded when he had got in without putting on shorts first. In fact, she wasn't even with her baby boy. She was out doing something, but Cosmo didn't know what it was. No matter, she had said she would be back soon, and believed her.

"I'm sure whatever it is, it must important," he shrugged.

Satisfied, he laid back and let the bubbles send him off to Dreamland.

-OOO-

Wanda sat on the bed, watching Mama Cosma stroll into the room carrying a strange-looking baton in her arms and a smirk on her face. "Are we ready for your next assignment?"

Wanda eyed the baton uncomfortablely. "Assignment? What are you talking about? And what's that baton for?"

Mama Cosma smiled indulgently. "A couple of Timmy's friends and his father are now lost in the Maze of Confusion. They-"

"The Maze of Confusion?" Wanda giggled.

"Yes. And don't interrupt."

"Sorry." Wanda waved her to continue.

"As I was saying they are lost in the Maze of Confusion. And they have no way of getting out on their own, and they will wander around until they starve to death. I don't want that to happen as well as you."

"Won't they die of thirst first?"

"No," Mama Cosma dismissed Wanda's question with a wave of her hand, "there's puddles everywhere down there. It's been quite a chore to maintain you know. We don't even bother to remove the remains," she added ominously.

Wanda wilted. "What do you want?"

"It's quite simple, Wanda. I want you to take Mrs. Turner's place."

"What?"

"She's missing, and she's the reason why they are in the maze."

"That can't be the sole reason."

"He's also looking for his son."

"But why in this maze of yours?"

"The way was laid out for them."

"Oh. I see." Wanda studied her hands. "Is there any chance of rescue?"

"None," Mama Cosma assured her.

"So I don't have any choice, do I?"

"No. You don't."

"But I don't look anything like Mrs. Turner."

Mama Cosma displayed the baton she was carrying more predominately. It was narrow handle with a loop at the end, a sleeve on the main shaft and a heart-shaped tip. "Oh this is the magical baton I will use to transform you into Mrs. Turner."

"Transform me? Wouldn't a magical disguise work better?"

When she saw Mama Cosma's grin, Wanda felt a chill go up her spine. "It wouldn't keep you away from my Cosmo."

Wanda lost her breath for a second. "The answer is no," she said when she got it back.

"What?"

Wanda crossed her arms. "I said no. There is has some way to rescue Timmy and others. You wouldn't have motivation to share with me how."

"I suppose not," Mama Cosma shrugged. "But still there is no way to rescue."

"But you can get them out?"

"Yes, but that's different."

"I'm still not agreeing."

"Actually, it's going to happen anyway and they are to be released no matter what you say. But it will hurt a lot less if you agree."

Wanda glanced toward the open door behind Mama Cosma. "I still don't care. You aren't turning into Mr. Turner."

Mama Cosma sighed. "As you wish." She raised the baton toward Wanda.

-OOO-

The bush pssted at him as he passed it. _That's funny. Must be my imagination_. He stopped when the bush did it again. "Were just talking to me?" he asked it.

A poof later, and that bush became Juandissimo. "Johnny. It's me."

"I can see that. But where were you?"

"We have to hurry. Wanda's in danger."


	25. Enter Big Daddy

Thanks for the review, TootieRulez.

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 25: Enter Big Daddy

Written: 10 Oct 2005-28 Oct 2005

Posted: 28 Oct 2005

George "Big Daddy" Starr stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. "Where is Wanda?" he asked softly. He would bellowed and snarled at anyone would bring him news that his daughter was missing. But this was Blonda, his other daughter, who gave him that news. It softened the blow.

Blonda turned back toward him. "I told you, Big Daddy. Nobody knows."

"What about Jorgen? He can find anyone. I know. I used him a couple times for that very purpose."

"Nobody knows where he is, either."

"What?" Big Daddy poofed unto himself a suit. "What has happened in Fairy World that made it fall apart like this? I should take over this joint. It's obviously under bad management."

"But, daddy, I thought you _were_ charge of Fairy World," Blonda said.

"No, I just get my way all the time. Which is different. Now I will have to be saddled with all sorts of responsibilities." He clenched his fist. "But those morons in the administration have given me no other choice."

-OOO-

Suddenly, for no apparent reason, A.J. found himself and Mr. Turner and Sally by the sands of a desert by a ridge of mountains. There laid another ridge on the opposite horizon. And he had the feeling that they weren't alone. "Guys, how do you suppose we arrived here?"

"It's magic," Mr. Turner surmised. "How else would you explain my getting lost in there?"

"Uhmm…" Sally and A.J. looked uncertainly at each other.

Mr. Turner appeared thoughtful. "Did either of you get the feeling that we aren't alone?"

"Yes, sir, Mr. Turner," Sally sighed. "All the time."

"Well I'm getting it now."

A.J. looked around. Sand in all directions. "I don't see anyone."

"What about that lady there?" Sally pointed in the distance. Toward the distant mountains.

A.J. looked. _That hadn't been a second ago!_ He could now see a shape that resembled a woman that laid crumpled on the sand about fifty meters away. And she, if it was indeed a woman, appeared to wear Mrs. Turner's outfit. "Honey!" Mr. Turner went sprinting toward the woman-shape.

When they reached the woman, A.J. had discovered that shape was indeed a woman, Mrs. Turner in fact, Mr. Turner knelt down and gentlely shook her shoulders. "Come on, honey, wake up. I'm lost without you. I don't know even how to make toast!"

"Even Francis knows how to do that," A.J. told Sally.

She nodded.

Mrs. Turner opened her eyes. And gaped. "Where am I?" She frowned. "And who are you?"

"I'm your husband! Can't you recognize me?"

Mrs. Turner stared at Mr. Turner. Half a minute later, she shook her head. "Uh-uh."

"Arrgh! My wife has hamensia!" Mr. Turner cried.

"That's amnesia," A.J. pointed out.

"Who cares? I don't care if it's cottage cheese! Either way it's not going my honey bunch's memories back!"

"You're right, Mr. Turner. I'm sorry." Unfortunately, Mr. Turner had stopped listening and degenerated into a blabbering baby.

Sally whispered into A.J.'s ear. "We should head off to the mountains." He didn't know what she meant, but she did sound most insistent.

"What's there?"

Here Sally spoke to Mr. Turner instead. "Your son, Timmy, is up ahead in those mountains." Now how would she know that?

Mrs. Turner's eyes lit up like a freight train. "Timmy? We must reach him before it's too late."

"Why what's going to happen?"

"He's going to die," a strange, new voice intruded.

A.J. looked up. And couldn't believe his eyes. A green-bee-hived woman, with matching dress, about his size with a pointy crown and fly wings was hovering before him, looking down at him. She was pointing a wand straight at Mrs. Turner's face. "What do you mean that he's going to die?" Mr. Turner demanded. Clearly the sight of this impossible creature didn't faze him in the slightest.

"Relax, Mr. Turner. If you make it in time, nothing would happen to your son. The only quarrel I have is with a fairy that's with him. The one named _Wanda_." It curled its fists as it spoke that name.

"Fairy? But there's no such as fairies, despite what Mr. Crocker says."

"Oh? Then what do you suppose I am, hmm?"

A.J. was at a lost for words.

"That's what I thought. My name is Mama Cosma by the way, and I'm your guide on your path to the Mountains of Madness."

"That can't be a good sign," Sally murmured.

"Oh, just relax. It sounds worse than it really is."

Somehow, A.J. didn't think so.

-OOO-

Cosmo poked his head out the door to his room. Nobody in sight. Good. He could escape without being noticed. He had a hunch, and he wasn't one to let a hunch go unheeded. Something was fishy about his mother's story and he was going to find it, Jorgen or no Jogen. He grabbed his knapsack and floated quietly out.

Nobody caught him as he made his way through the hall. The place seemed awfully quiet, he eventually realized. Hadn't there been a whole sympathy of sounds from fairies coming and going by his door. Every fairy had his own contribution to the sympathy, like they were playing an instrument that no own else in all of Fairyworld could touch, let alone play.

Now all that was gone.

Cosmo groaned. Now there was another mystery to solve. Wasn't this Wanda's department? He floated by a closed door and heard voices coming from it. He stopped to eavesdrop on them. "…ask again. Where is my daughter?" Cosmo sucked in air. He knew that voice. It was Big Daddy, his father-in-law! And Wanda was missing!

The other voice answered nervously. "She's on her honeymoon with Juandissimo right now."

"I don't think so, squirt. My Wanda wouldn't dump that shrimp puff and marry that pretty boy without telling me. She tells me everything. _Capiece_?"

"Whatever you say, Big Daddy."

"Now are you going to tell me, or am I going to get physical on you?"

"Now, there's no need for that, darling," a third voice appeared. Cosmo gasped. It was his mother. "He's already told you what he knows. What he's been told."

"Oh, really? Then where is she? I want the truth this time."

"The truth?" Mama Cosma laughed. "That's one luxury none of can afford." Now what was that was supposed to mean? Cosmo wasn't the sharpest pencil, but Wanda had kept saying the opposite to that. "All you need to know is that she is lost to you. Forever."

Cosmo kick open the door. "What do you mean she's lost forever, mama?" he demanded.

Big Daddy raised an eyebrow. "You know this boy?"

"Of course I do. He's my son." As Big Daddy mouthed an 'Oh,' she turned to her son. "I'm sorry, son, but I had to separate her from you. Your 'marriage' with her had gone on long enough."

"Where is she?" Her scoffing at his marriage hurt, but he couldn't afford to cry. He had to find Wanda.

"Yeah. I hate to admit it, but the little cream puff has a point."

"With Timmy." Cosmo could tell that there was more to it, but Mama Cosma didn't elaborate. She puffed away.

"Mother," Cosmo yelled to the ceiling. "Curse you and all your plans to separate me from the one I love!"


	26. Race to the Mountains

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 26: Race to the Mountains

Written: 30 Oct 2005-4 Nov 2005

Posted: 5 Nov 2005

It was odd really. Timmy's mother was a fairy and the one leading them through the magical world was a human. He tried to think back to see how he got to this place, but his recent seemed far too confusing. He began to think about his love, Trixie, instead. It sure did give him less of headache to think about that subject.

The sun was starting to touch the horizon now, casting rays of light from behind the mountains. Timmy wished that Trixie was there with him to enjoy the sunset with him. Having his mom there was nice, but it just wasn't the same. But since Trixie wasn't… At least the mountains were getting closer.

"When will we get there?" Timmy whined.

The Oracle answered without looking back. "Soon. Very soon."

"It doesn't look it. It's getting to be night soon, and we're still miles and miles away."

"Don't you worry your little head about it, little one. We'll be at a shortcut shortly."

Timmy laughed. "'Shortcut shortly?'"

"Yes, Timmy we're almost to the shortcut, and fortunately, your pointing out any inadvenite slips of the tongue of mine won't slow us down. Despite your best efforts."

Timmy's heart skipped a beat. "Excuse me."

The Oracle smiled her shoulder. "Relax, Timmy, I was just kidding. You aren't the only one with a sense of humor you know."

Timmy nodded, relieved. He had never thought that the Oracle was a Vicky-type and was very gladdened to be reassured that she wasn't. "I'm sorry about that shortcut shortly crack."

"There's no need to apologize, Timmy. This is a boring trip. But you could try talking with your mother. She's right here after all."

"How long had you have fairies, Timmy?" Mrs. Turner asked.

"About a year-and-half ago."

She nodded. "That's about a year after we first hired Vicky, right?"

"That's right."

"Is she the reason that you have godparents."

"Yes, that's right."

She closed her eyes and lowered her head. "I'm sorry, Timmy. It's all my fault. I prevented your father from making that phone call to Vicky."

"Yeah. I know."

Their discussion continued for the next few minutes until the Oracle suddenly announced, "We're here."

Timmy had been so engrossed with talking with his mother that he didn't notice that they had been nearing a yellow Humvee, like what they had in the army. "That's a cool car and all, but wouldn't been easier to just poof there?"

"Ask your mother, dear."

"I don't think that's a good idea, Timmy," Mrs. Turner said. "I am pretty new at this."

"Ah."

-OOO-

Mr. Turner watched the car drive away. What rotten luck. Waiting for that Momma Cosma woman made held them up. For a guide through the wilderness, she was sure gone an awful lot. And where did she go anyway? Was Dinkleberg behind this particular plot? He had no reason that that fiend wasn't.

"You don't suppose that fairy planned all this, do you?" A.J. asked.

"Of course not," Butch said. "It was all Dinkleberg's doing?"

"Who the heck is Dinkleberg?" Sally asked.

"My arch-rival," Butch explained. "He stolen my cookie in kindergarten, and since that day, we have been mortal enemies. Then he stole my girl from…"

"Do we really need to hear this?" Momma Cosma asked. "You do have a son to catch after all. I hate to think what would happen if you failed to catch him."

"Why?" Butch asked. "What's in those mountains?"

"Death."

"Yes, I believe that you mentioned that bit. But why are they headed to the mountains anyway?"

"They don't know they contain death," Maria murmured. "They think it's where they need to go. They might be right."

"How do you know that, honey?"

"Don't listen to her," Momma Cosma said. "She doesn't know what she's talking about."

Butch eyed the fairy. "Just how are going to catch up him, now that he's in a humvee racing from us."

"Why, the old-fashioned way of course. Magic!"

"Magic? But there's no such thing as magic!" He folded his arms. "Magic, indeed."

"Don't be silly," Momma Cosma dismissed. "What do you think I am? Kitty litter?"

"Well, if you had magic, then why hadn't you used it before?"

"Silly human, fairy magic doesn't work here."

"Then how are we supposed to catch up with my son?"

"I was thinking more of a magic carpet."

-OOO-

Vicky felt better now that she was out that stupid cave. Fortunately the siren call she was following had moved to where she didn't have to go through the cave to get to it. And get to it she will.

She sat back against a log several dozen from the mouth of the cave, gathering her thoughts together. Going through that cave was a harrowing experience that she never wanted to repeat. Ever. But how to get to the source of the call?

Then she remembered the flying carpet that those two twerps had. Surely that would get her there in no time at all. She got, dusted off her pants and headed for it. It couldn't that hard to control a flying carpet.

When she reached it, she saw how wrong she was.

For one thing, there were no controls of any kind. And the other was there seemed to be no way to stay on the stupid thing. "Just how did those ancient old Indian dudes stay on these anyway?" she grumbled.

Then she remembered all those movies with flying carpets in them. The rider just on them and the carpet would fly off carrying them. Worth a shot, she decided. So she walked onto the middle of the carpet and plopped down. "Lift up into the air, you stupid thing."

It didn't budge an inch.

"Oh just great," she said sarcastily. "Am I supposed to say 'please' or something?"

The carpet immediately began to lift into the air. "Wow. No wonder it's called the magic word. I have got to remember that."

She went through a few maneuvers to build her confidence before riding the carpet toward the call and toward the Twerp. He was going to pay for all the time he made her waste looking for him.

-OOO-

Johnny watched the ground pass by below. "Are we almost there?"

"Not quite, my little _compadre_. I will tell you when we are."

Johnny looked ahead. He could see now a ridge of mountains. Juandissimo had purloined use of the hovercraft for the trip. "Is that where Wanda is?"

"No. But it is where she will be shortly."

"Juandissimo, you won't come between Wanda and Cosmo, will you?"

"Of course not. I wouldn't dream of it."


	27. A Little Diner in the Middle of Nowhere

Here's Chapter 27!

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 27: A Little Diner in the Middle of Nowhere

Written: 5 Nov 2005-18 Nov 2005

Posted: 18 Nov 2005

There was something familiar about that name, Mountains of Madness, but A.J. couldn't recall what it was. Whatever it was, the name still left him uneasy. It brought to mind the kind of place you would want to avoid. At all costs.

But it was also increasingly clear that avoidance was simply not an option. "How do I ever get myself into these things?" he groaned.

"You followed Sally, dear." Momma Cosma watched the darkened heavens. "That's how got into this."

"Oh. Of course." Not that he believed her. "But just what are you watching out for anyway?"

"You'll see." Her smile was quite thin indeed.

"And you supposed to see anything anyway? It's getting quite dark."

"Fairy eyes are much better than human eyes."

"Ah."

Momma Cosma brought her pair of binoculars up. "Ah. Here she comes now."

"She?"

"Yes. She." She raised a strange spear with a star at the end into the air.

-OOO-

Vicky cursed her luck. How was supposed to find that twerp when she couldn't see _anything_ on the ground due to the blasting night that had made its unwanted entrance. Why did every bad thing always have to happen to her? Was a boon once and awhile so much to ask for? She was becoming more and more convinced that there was a conspiracy led by that twerp to make her life a miserable heck-hole.

_Oh, was he ever got it_, Vicky thought with relishly. All that pented-up rage had to be released somehow, and placing it on that twerp looked to be the perfect way to do that.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a green blast that missed her left ear by scant inches. "What the heck was that?" She prayed that the next blast wouldn't hit her.

It didn't.

It hit the magic carpet.

The carpet started spiraling down, taking Vicky with it. "I wish that I never left school that day."

Just as she thought would happen, nothing happened.

-OOO-

"Was that really necessary." A.J. stared Momma Cosma start in the eye. "The rider of that carpet could have been hurt."

"Oh, I would thought you would want _this_ particular rider to get hurt." Her eyes remained unblunk.

The carpet and its rider thumped into the ground about a dozen yards behind her in a heap. A minute later, a figure began to emerge from the crumpled carpet. A.J. gulped. It was Vicky who had been the rider of that magic carpet. Momma Cosma had been right. He was interested in seeing this particular rider hurt. But how was she planning to use this carpet? It was only big enough to carry Sally and himself and one more. That was it. He knew because… Duh! It was the magic carpet that he and Sally had ridden into this strange place on. He should have known that it was Vicky riding it.

"Are we supposed to bring her too?" he groaned.

"Of course, dear. Who does Timmy fear more than Icky Vicky?"

"You fairies know about human things."

"Of course. Doesn't everyone?"

"Hey!" Vicky was fully standing now. "What's going on here?"

Momma Cosma answered matronly. "We're here to help you find Timmy Turner."

"Oh."

-OOO-

Timmy brought the burger to his mouth for another bite. It was, despite the lack of condiments, or possibly because of it, the best tasting burger he ever had. "I wonder how they do this," he mused, still chewing that bite.

"Timmy, you really talk with your mouth full," Mrs. Turner admonished.

Timmy swallowed. "Sorry, mom."

"That's better."

The Oracle had gone to "powder her nose." But Timmy was quite aware what went on in the restroom. Why did adults talk like that around him? He sighed.

And took another bite.

"So you look my cooking?" a familiar voice asked.

Timmy looked up. "Fanny! Where were you guys?" Actually he felt a little guilty. He had forgotten all about her. And Lucas. Now how did that happen? They had been right there. Hadn't they?

"Getting the pack mules ready. Lucas is with them now."

"But just where are we going?"

Fanny sat beside him. "We'll tell you later. But for now, finish your dinner." Which, beside the burger, included French fries and a pickle. Timmy ate the last bite of the pickle before working on his burger again. The remaining fries would have to wait.

The Oracle returned and sat beside Mr. Turner. "So, Fanny, any word on your godkid yet?"

Fanny shook her head sadly. "No, not yet. But I'm sure that her and her little friends by shortly, so we have to hurry."

"Hurry?" Timmy talked with food in his mouth again. "What's up with the hurry? Don't you want to be with Sally?"

"Yes. But there's something with her we don't to catch up with us."

"Who's that?"

"Momma Cosma."

He nodded. The trailside diner that they had stopped by at the base of the foothills wouldn't be the place to be caught when Cosmo's mother came by. It wasn't the easiest place in the world to get out of. The dirt road that led up to the parking lot of _The Happy Hiker_ was only wide enough for one car to drive down it. Although, as Timmy could see from the window, the parking lot was decent-sized and paved with concrete.

Lucas appeared. "Time to move it. You-know-who is arriving."

Mrs. Turner raised her hand. "Check please."

-OOO-

It seemed awfully convenient that there were night-vision goggles for all them. How had Momma Cosma know that Vicky was coming along? And more importantly, why did she let him? The more A.J. got to observe her, the more he realized he didn't know about fairies, if in fact that what Momma Cosma was.

"What are you looking at, twerpette?" Vicky said suddenly.

"I didn't know you could see through clothes."

"So?"

"You do realize that you're not wearing a bra?"

"Just shut up and look at the ground."

The missing undergarment was one reason that A.J. wasn't looking at the evil babysitter. He also well aware that he couldn't hide the pure hate he had for Vicky from his expression from her. He had decided that it would be best for all concerned not to stare at her.

"We're here," Momma Cosma announced. "_The Happy Hiker_. The last stop for busy travelers before they reach the Mountains of Madness."

"What are these Mountains of Madness?" Mrs. Turner asked.

Momma Cosma shrugged. "Just mountains, I guess."

She was lying. That shrug had been artificial and forced. A.J. finally had her number. This was a woman who shouldn't be trusted.


	28. Into the Mountains of Madness

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 28: Into the Mountain of Madness

Written: 17 Jan 2006-22 Jan 2006

Posted: 22 Jan 2006

Momma Cosma kicked in the door. "Was that really necessary?" Butch asked.

She didn't answer. She simply barged in. Now she was getting her quarry. But once she entered the eating establishment, she found the other one inside were a human waitress and brown-suited gnome. "Where is he?" Momma Cosma growled at the waitress.

"Where's who?"

"Timmy Turner."

The waitress shook her head. "There's nobody by that name who passed through here the past few hours, ma'am."

"Are you sure?" Butch pleaded. "We haven't any given you a description of him."

"Trust me, sir. We know the name of everyone who passes through here."

"How is that possible?"

"Why, magic of course."

Butch's face turned red and shrunk back. "Oh yes of course."

Momma Cosma frowned. She needed answers. And she needed them quickly. She closed distance between the waitress and herself. "Who did pass through here in the past few hours? And just what sort of magic do you use to find people's names?"

"We use a Name Finder spell. Doesn't everyone?"

Momma Cosma grabbed the waitress's collar. "And that would be?" She had never heard of this Name Finder spell. She really hated human magic. Humans should really stay out of the magic business. They usually made a mess out of things.

"It lets you know the name of the person who walks through that door." She pointed the one behind Momma Cosma.

"So it's cast directly on the door?'

Katherine nodded.

"Is there any way of getting the enchantment?"

"Not that I know of."

Momma Cosma shoved her way past the waitress. The front door couldn't be the only way in and out of the place. "Come on, Mr. Turner. We're checking out the kitchen."

"Why? Surely my son wouldn't leave through the kitchen."

"Wanda, the she-devil, would."

"Just who is this Wanda woman anyway?"

"Your worst nightmare."

-OOO-

Vicky growled. "What's taking them so long?"

A.J. sighed. Must she _always_ be in such a foul mood?

"Why are you in such a hurry, Vicky?" Mrs. Turner asked.

Vicky stared off into the mountains. "Your son has to be stopped."

"Why? Why must he be stopped?"

Vicky didn't answer. She just kept staring off into the distance. A.J. didn't want to disturb her. It seemed hazardous to his health. Sally seemed to agree. At the very least, she was remaining silent.

Mrs. Turner didn't seem intimated at all. "Why, Vicky? Is he in some kind of danger?"

Vicky seemed to take a moment. "I believe so."

Mrs. Turner appeared to make a decision. "We should go on without Momma Cosma. We certainly don't need _her_ to save my son."

"If you say, Mrs. Turner."

Vicky turned to face Mrs. Turner. "What about Mr. Turner?"

"He can take care of himself. It's Timmy I'm more worried about."

"Then we should hurry," Sally said finally. "It's getting kinda late."

"My son is in danger. Of course we're going to hurry."

-OOO-

They climbed the hills on top of their mules. Timmy was confused. They had barely enough time to get out of the diner, let alone run any chores. So where had the mules come from? He certainly didn't remember wishing for any mules. Not that he was complaining. It sure did beat walking.

The group was heading up a narrow walkway on the face of a cliff. Timmy tried not to look down, but failed. He looked nervously over the edge. It was far deeper drop than the one under the rope bridge. "Where are we going?" he asked his mother, who was riding just ahead.

She looked over her shoulder. "I don't know, dear. Fanny wouldn't say. We'll just have to see."

Timmy nodded. But if his mother thought he was satisfied with that answer, then she's very much mistaken. If only there was a way to get past mom and closer to Fanny… But there was only enough room on the ledge for the mules to walk single-file. Trying to get past would mean near-certain doom.

He most definitely didn't want to risk that. He had too much to live for.

He had fairies who granted fairies who granted whatever he wished for. Well… almost whatever he wished for, he decided on reflection. There were still Da Rules. But that was still enough for any ten-year boy.

More than enough.

Which meant he had to wait. He hated waiting. But for some reason he was forced to wait an awful lot lately.

Just where were they going?

It was getting dark. And these mountains of madness did seem to be the place to be after dark.

-OOO-

Cosmo felt that his wife, Wanda, was near, but he couldn't find her anywhere. No matter how hard he looked. He tried looking in the bushes and looking under rocks. The darkness certainly didn't help. "Where are you, Wanda?" he cried out to the empty plains.

No answer came.

He continued his search, slowly making his way toward the mountains to the west.

-OOO-

They had reached the top of the climb, and Timmy could only see more mountains to the west. Fanny pulled her mule to a stop and dismounted. "We will wait here."

Timmy blinked. "Wait? Wait for what?"

"You'll see."

He sighed before dismounting.

-OOO-

The climb was long and difficult, but they had managed to finish most of it within an hour. Well, it did help that they had got mules to ride this path clearly meant for mules. Mrs. Turner had bought them from a farmer who seemed to awfully large overabundance of mules. What would a man like that be doing out here in place like this with that many mules?

"What do you suppose your son is doing all the way here, Mrs. Turner?" A.J. asked.

"I haven't the foggiest," she sighed.

They climbed the final few feet of the mule path and looked onto the relatively flat area on top of the hill. Timmy was there. Along with three others.

It was one of those three others that drew her attention. Especially the one that was sitting with Timmy.

And the woman that kept being called Maria Turner realized that wasn't her name at all.

It was Wanda.

She also realized that the woman with Timmy the one who was Maria Turner.


	29. Waiting

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 29: Waiting

Written: 8 Feb 2006-17 Feb 2006

Posted: 17 Feb 2006

Big Daddy found himself headed for the Mountains of Madness. And he still didn't know how that had happened. One moment was happily taking a shower, and the next he was thrown into this maelstrom of confusion and uncertainty.

But most of all he wanted to know where his baby girl was. Nobody had seen her in days.

And the land rover breaking down on them didn't help matters any.

He pounded the roof of the car. "What do you mean it's going to take an hour longer?" he demanded.

The fairy mechanic didn't seem to note the menace behind Big Daddy's words. "There seems to be holdup on that delivery of the new sparkplugs, Big Daddy," he said casually, wiping his hands clean with an oily rag.

"Do you want your life to be a miserable wreck? I can make that happen." Big Daddy made a habit of dumping trash on the houses of those who displease him.

"I can't imagine how," the mechanic said in his slow drawl. "I live in the dump."

"Oh." Big Daddy felt a little dejected after that statement. But surely there to had to hurry this slacker up. Big Daddy wanted to hurry.

And Big Daddy always gets what he wants.

"Best you don't take your time when that part gets here."

"I will put the sparkplug in as quickly as I can." His easy, laid-back manner didn't exactly encourage confidence.

This was that Cosma woman's fault!

If he ever got his hands on her, she's a dead woman.

-OOO-

Momma Cosma hated to be abandoned. Although it had taken her a good hour to realize the fact, she had been quite miffed when she found out that red-head had absconded with the kids. Mr. Turner was saying something, but she didn't respond. She didn't bother even to hear.

"Mark my words, Vicky Spain," she announced to the winds. "You will get yours."

"Uh, Momma Cosma, we could go looking for them. They have been missing for quite awhile now."

She looked away from the grain-filled field that she had been staring across and at him. "And where do you suppose we start looking, hmm?"

"At the place we lost them. At that greasy spoon place at the foot of this here mountain."

She smiled ruefully to herself. It might just very well work. So why hadn't she thought of it? It seemed such an obvious thought…

Maybe it wouldn't work.

Wordlessly, and without nodding, she turned toward the diner and started the long trek back there. Mr. Turner hesitated. But he followed her. It was, after all, his idea.

-OOO-

Timmy stared at the impossible sight before him. Another woman who liked his mother was before him. And that woman looked as confused as he was. What was worse was that Vicky was with her. Timmy groaned. Just what was she doing here?

And for some reason, A.J. and a girl were with them. He worried that they would see the fairies, but they were gone into their tents, and his mother was disguised as a human. Although Timmy kept thinking of her as being a human. She had been one for all his life. He wasn't about to change his thinking about her just because her species had changed.

"You look familiar," the woman told Timmy. "Perhaps we have met. My name is Wanda, by the way. What's yours?" She held out her hand.

Timmy tentatively stepped forward and shook the offered hand. "It's Timmy Turner," she said, watching this "Wanda" carefully. Was she his Wanda? She didn't look like the pink-haired fairy, but with magic, who knew what sorts of transformations were possible.

"Don't take it the wrong way, but do know anyone named Cosmo?"

"Hmm… Sounds the name of an idiot, but I don't think I do. But I couldn't tell you, to tell you the truth. For some reason, my memories were erased and I was put in _her_ body." She pointed her finger toward Mrs. Turner.

"Why would anyone want to do that?" she asked.

Wanda sighed. "I don't know. I have amnesia, remember? But my guess would be that Momma Cosma person. She gives me the creeps."

"So you know Momma Cosma?" The Oracle asked. It sounded like such a simple question, but Timmy sensed there was more to it. Much more.

"Yes," A.J. said. "She's the one who led us to that diner at the foot of the mountain. She also said these mountains were deadly."

"Don't be silly. Of course they're deadly. There _are_ mountains after all. What with rockslides, steep slopes and whatnot. Mountain climbing isn't something to take lightly."

"Blah, blah, blah…" Vicky bobbed her head side to side. "Timmy here upset the whole balance of the world."

"What? How did I do that?"

Vicky opened her mouth to say something. Though it seemed that she didn't know what that something was, as no words came out.

"Jeez," Wanda said. "What's the deal with her?"

Despite Wanda's amnesia, Timmy took heart in that she remembered _something_ about Cosmo. If in fact the duplicate Mrs. Turner was Wanda.

"She's an evil babysitter," the real Mrs. Turner informed her.

Wanda blinked in surprise, as if she had been expecting her to say something else. "Oh yes. Of course." From the way that Wanda said that, Timmy began to think that she was beginning to remember.

Vicky looked at Mrs. Turner. "Who the hell are you? The last thing I need is somebody going around impersonating Mrs. Turner here."

"How do you know that she isn't the imposter?" Mrs. Turner asked, indicating Wanda.

"She's right, Vicky," Wanda said. "I am the imposter."

Vicky switched her gaze from Mrs. Turner to Mrs. Turner. "Which one have I been working for all these years?"

"That would be me," Mrs. Turner said. The real one.

"Then who the heck is this other one?"

"Wanda," the fairy-turned human said. "I couldn't tell you any more. I'm sorry, but that's simply all that I can remember."

"Figures," Vicky murmured, though it was perfectly audible to Timmy.

"So what's the plan now?" A.J. asked. "And where is this Wanda fairy that Momma Cosma had warned us about?"

Timmy's eyes darted toward Wanda for a brief glance. Hopefully Vicky hadn't noticed. "I, uh, wouldn't know," he immediately lied. And just as immediately regretted it. Lying was getting far too easy as of late. He really didn't want to make it a habit. Things could get hairy with his friends. But what choice did he have?

Vicky gave Wanda a funny look, but surely that was because the woman admitted to be a fraud. Right?

At any rate, the funny look didn't last long. She directed a question toward The Oracle. "Just what are doing this god-forsaken mountain?"

"We're waiting for a man." The Oracle was staring toward the west as she spoke.

"What man?"

Fanny poked her hand out of her tent. "Howard Phillips." _Uh no_, Timmy thought.

But Vicky asked, "Who the heck is that?"

-OOO-

Big Daddy found his quarry at the _Happy Hiker_. She was having some sort of heated of discussion with some human or other. Big Daddy was far too away to hear (as he was still five hundred yards away), but it didn't really matter. Momma Cosma was going to be a dead woman in short order, no matter what they could have been possibly discussing.

He climbed back into the Land Rover and nodded for her daughter to continue. It was Blonda's last-minute arrival with the part he needed that allowed him to continue with his quest.

The vehicle started forward.


	30. Howard Phillips

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 30: Howard Phillips

Written: 20 Feb 2006-28 Feb 2006

Posted: 28 Feb 2006

Johnny sat near the cave's mouth, watching the eagle soar overhead. It appeared to be looking for something, and, more importantly, knew what that was. Johnny wished he knew what _he_ was looking for. Why did the animals all the luck, and he none?

It just wasn't fair!

"Johnny," he heard a voice behind him, "I suggest that you get into the cave. Who knows whose eyes may be watching."

Johnny looked back. "What are you talking about, Juandissimo?"

"The Mountains of Madness aren't an uninhabited wasteland."

"And they are?"

"An inhabited wasteland. A very inhabited wasteland."

"Oh." Johnny was quiet for a moment. "Then what are doing here?"

"This is because my Wanda is in danger."

Johnny nodded. "Just what danger is she facing?"

"Her mother-in-law."

Johnny took one last view of the valley before returning back into the cave. "What can Momma Cosma do to Wanda?" he asked his godparent as they walked up the cave.

"She's the fairy with the most power now." Juandissimo brought his hand to his forehead. "When she wants something done, it gets done.

"And she isn't too fond of Wanda, either."

Johnny shivered. "What can do we?"

"Plenty. There is a man who can help us. That is why come into these accursed mountains."

Johnny lowered his voice. "Who?"

"Howard Phillips."

-OOO-

"Are we there yet?"

Momma Cosma had never heard that particular question before. She also got the feeling that Mr. Turner had heard it a few times in his life. "No, Mr. Turner.

"We are not there yet."

"But we marching for hours," he complained. "When you said that we would be marching at dawn, I had thought we would be starting then. _Not_ when you said it."

"Quit your complaining. Do you want your wife and son back, or not?"

Mr. Turner hesitated.

"Well?"

"Yes, yes. I want my son back."

"And not your wife, Mr. Turner?"

"Of course her too."

Momma Cosma wasn't so sure about that but didn't press. He seemed a bit distracted about something. She huffed, but the man did in some way remind her of her own son.

"Can we at least take a fifteen minute break at least?"

"No."

-OOO-

Timmy wished that Vicky would stop staring at him like that. It was really starting to creep him out. Vicky looked like she was just waiting for a reason to rip his throat out. His mother did nothing to stop her. She was apparently too busy talking with The Oracle and the fairies.

"Are you sure that this is where he lives?"

"Quite certain," The Oracle replied. "I _am_ The Oracle after all. I suggest we get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day."

"But you still haven't told me who this Howard Phillips guy is," Vicky pouted.

"He's just a crazy, old hermit who's going to help us," The Oracle patiently explained.

"Is he a murderer?"

"Oh, no. Of course not. Where did you get a silly idea like that?"

"Momma Cosma had said that death was in this mountains."

"Well, I can assure you. That death isn't going to come from Mr. Phillips."

Timmy wasn't reassured at all. The Oracle had just as much admitted there was death in these mountains. He didn't think he would get much sleep that night.

-OOO-

Mr. Turner sighed.

"What is it now?"

"Are you sure that you had nothing to do with my wife's disappearance?"

"Of course not. It was all that Wanda woman's doing."

Mr. Turner lowered his voice. "Do you have any proof? I've been down this path before, and it didn't exactly lead anywhere."

Momma Cosma's cell phone rang. That is, it vibrated. She had set it to vibrate as she didn't want to let Mr. Turner onto her little white secret. Her contacts within the Fairy Squad. It would ruin her reputation if word of it get out.

And only her hatred of Wanda and her love of her son were stronger than her desire to protect her reputation. A reputation that she had worked on for millennia to maintain. She wasn't about to ruin it now.

"I have to answer this. Could I have a moment?"

"Fine. Whatever."

Momma Cosma went a little ways before answering. She wanted privacy for this call. "Yes, what is it?"

"It's the big bird," the voice said, meaning Jorgen Von Strangle. "He's on his way."

The line went dead.

So the muscle-brained idiot was on his way here, huh? She had been expecting that he would. But this was far sooner than her most pessimistic estimations.

They were going to have to move quickly on this. "Butch," she called back, "I'm afraid that you're going to have to pick up the pace up a bit."

-OOO-

Timmy had been right. He couldn't any sleep.

So he lay in his tent, listening for any movement from Vicky's tent. For a while, he heard, accept for the occasional gust of wind, nothing. But finally, he heard rustling from Vicky's direction. He listened more carefully. Someone was emerging from Vicky's tent. There were only two people it could be. And he didn't think that Sally would be the one to get up in the middle of the night and sneak off.

He waited a few minutes for Vicky to pass and he could leave his tent unobserved. He did and immediately began looking for Vicky. After a few minutes of searching, he found her.

She was the ridge on the other side of the valley. Just how long had he been waiting.

He watched her climb up the ridge. "Now what is she up to?" he asked himself. Well, whatever it was, it couldn't be good.

So he made the decision to follow her. It shouldn't be too hard, he saw. The slope didn't look all that steep. He looked back and briefly considered telling Wanda where he was going. But she was asleep and Vicky was already getting away.

Timmy hurried to catch up. Vicky was practically jogging up the hill now, and he didn't want to lose her.

-OOO-

She spotted the small figure on the far slope through her binoculars. And frowned. Was that pathetic man the one there were after? He certainly didn't look like much. She looked toward the woman who was calling herself The Oracle, but Vicky knew that there were no such thing as oracles.

Never mind the fact that fairies seemed to be real. She just wasn't prepared to believe in one impossible thing, just because another one was clearly true.

She spotted a little boy and his fairy godparent approach the hermit. She smiled. "Now it gets interesting."

-OOO-

The old man slowly got himself up. Then he looked at Johnny and Juandissimo. "What do you want?" He spoke in a gravelly voice.

"We have come to beseech your aid." Juandissimo was on one knee. "My Wanda is in terrible danger!"

"Now would I want to help _you_?"

Juandissimo answered.


	31. Rendezvous in the Wild Lands

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 31: Rendezvous in the Wild Lands

Written: 2 Mar 2006-12 Mar 2006

Posted: 12 Mar 2006

Timmy hid behind a rock and watched Vicky watch whatever she was watching. What was she watching? He desperately wanted to know. Especially since she was just laying there staring through her binoculars into the distance, not moving a muscle. It gave him shivers seeing her like that. He had never seen her lay still like that before.

He could tell that she was alive. She was still breathing. But what was so important that it had grabbed her attention so?

Without any warning, she said, "Now it gets interesting." _Now it gets interesting_? What the heck was that supposed to mean? Now Timmy was dyeing to know what Vicky was watching through binoculars of hers.

Vicky slowly got up and began to walk back down the slope. Timmy tried to keep hidden, but she spotted him. "I thought it was you, twerp, that was following me."

"It's not what you think, Vicky." He started crawling backwards. "Please don't get mad."

"Now, why would I get mad, twerp?" Vicky smiled. It wasn't exactly comforting. "There is a little favor I want you to do for me."

Somehow, Timmy didn't think it was so little. "What do you want?"

"There's a group of people down there." Vicky nodded to the valley beyond. "I want you to go down there to see what they're up to."

"Me? Why can't you go down and find out?"

"Why?" Vicky went up to him. And promptly picked him up by the scuff of his neck. "It's quite simple, twerp. You are." She tossed him to the east, the direction she was spying.

Timmy didn't stop when he landed. Instead, he started rolling and bouncing down the slope. More bouncing than rolling, it seemed to him. He did know, however, that he was getting more bumps and scrapes than he had gotten in his life. He wished the rolling and bouncing would stop, as for some reason, it didn't seem to want to.

But stop it eventually did. Unfortunately the spinning did not. So much so that Timmy lost his direction, so to speak. He also felt a bit nauseous at this point, so naturally he didn't feel much like spying.

"What do we have here?" Hesitantly Timmy looked up. Juandissimo was hovering overhead. He raised his arm in the air. "This could only mean one thing!"

"What's that?" Timmy asked groggily.

"My Wanda is nearby!"

"Of course," Timmy sighed.

Juandissimo grabbed Timmy's collar. "You must lead me to her right away! Who knows what foul deeds her mad mother-in-law has done to her?"

"I can't! Vicky's in the way."

"Who is this Vicky?"

"What is taking you so long, twerp!" a voice boomed from behind Timmy.

"Oh, so I see." Juandissimo considered for a moment. "You have a real problem on your hands. No wonder you have fairy godparents."

"You didn't know?"

"Hey, I don't make it a habit of poking into other people's business."

Mindful of the fact that was exactly what he was doing, Timmy asked, "Just what are you doing here?"

Juandissimo wrapped his arm around Timmy's shoulders. "There is a man here I would like you to meet."

As Juandissimo led Timmy into the valley, the first light from the sun appeared.

-OOO-

Wanda stood of front of the full-length mirror examining her body. She didn't know what everyone was talking about. This most certainly did seem like her body.

But there was something askew…

She sensed something behind her moving into the tent. "I would have thought you would more sense to just look at yourself naked in the mirror in a tent in the middle of nowhere with males who aren't my husband in the vicinity."

Wanda smiled as she turned to look. It was The Oracle. "Don't you ever need to breath?"

The Oracle smiled back. "Of course I do. I just took in a _really_ deep breathe before speaking."

"Ah."

"So why are you standing there in your birthday suit admiring yourself in the mirror?"

"Tell me the truth." Wanda raised an arm in the air. "Is this really not my body?"

"It is," The Oracle said. "But it has been changed. Altered. But perhaps you can do something about it."

"What can I do?"

"There is something in your belly called a fagiggley gland. It allows fairies to change their shape. Go on. Try it out!"

Wanda put her hands to her hips. "Now how am I supposed to do that?"

"Just will it to happen, I suppose. How else do you fairies do these things?"

Wanda stared into the mirror. "I don't remember…"

The Oracle touched Wanda's shoulder. "Just relax, Wanda. I'm sure you'll remember." She paused. "Try imagining yourself being a puppy."

"What good will that do?"

"A great deal, Wanda. I've seen fairies transform themselves at the drop of a pen thousands of times."

Wanda, while not quite believing The Oracle, decided to give it a try. Who knew? The Oracle might actually be right.

But if this wasn't what her body really looked like, what did it look like…?

More rustling with the flap to her tent. "Gosh, Wanda, I didn't know that you like to strut around in the nude."

Without thinking, Wanda waved her wand and a yellow top and black slacks appeared on her. She blunk in surprise. "Did I do that?" She held up the wand in her hand. "And where did this wand come from?"

The Oracle grinned. "I put that in your hand. After all, every fairy has to have her wand. And most certainly did. I knew you would. You're one of the quickest studies in Fairy World."

"You really think so?"

"Only because it's true." She turned to Lucas, who hadn't bothered to turn around when he had seen his sister naked. "Yes, what it is, Lucas?"

"It's Timmy and Vicky. They're missing."

"Hmm… They're kinda early."

Wanda was confused. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"They don't call me The Oracle for nothing, you know." She patted Lucas on the shoulder as she passed. "Come on, let's get the others and see what this is all about."

"Wait a minute! I'm married."

The Oracle smiled as she left the tent.

-OOO-

Timmy sat down with Juandissimo, Johnny, and some crazy-looking old guy in front of a campfire, even though it was very much morning. He was uneasy. The old man looked like he was liable to toss him into orbit. "What's going on?"

The old man answered. "What do you know about the Mountains of Madness?"

"I know that we're in them," Timmy replied helpfully. "And they… seem to be deserted."

"Well you're wrong about that, laddy. These here hills are very much not deserted. There are critters that would very much like to tear you limb from limb.

"And gobble you up."

Timmy swallowed. "Which critters would those be?"

"Lions. And tigers. And bears."

"Oh my."

"I heard there are worse creatures around here," Juandissimo said. "Weird, twisted creatures that a mere gaze would drive a man insane."

Timmy felt his face pale.

"Could be," the hermit said. "Though I never have seen any around."

Timmy sighed in relief.

"But that doesn't mean they aren't here."

"This isn't helping!" Timmy snapped back.

"Now, now, young man. When I was your age, we didn't yell at our elders."

"Say, just what are you doing here anyway?"

"I'm stuck. Fortunately this fairy to help me get out."

"Hey!" Juandissimo raised his wand. "I do have a name. It's Juandissimo Magnifico."

Timmy ignored him. "How can you be trapped in here."

"It turns out that you need to be a magical creature of some kind," the hermit shrugged helplessly. "Go figure, huh? But fortunately those same said creatures can help others out. Very convenient."

Timmy opened his mouth to agree, but something hit the back of his head and everything went black.

He didn't remember anything after that.

-OOO-

Momma Cosma smiled to herself. The Fairy Squad had arrived. There were the best at ferreting out fugitive fairies, so should be no trouble finding that way-ward Maria Turner. Momma Cosma had a feeling that Timmy's mother was going to ruin all her carefully laid plans.

Momma Cosma wasn't prepared to let that happen.

"Is there anything wrong?" Mr. Turner asked.

"No. Not at all."

"Then why are you stewing like that?"

"Just thinking about Wanda again is all."

"Oh, her again. What is it between you two anyway?"

Mama Cosma smiled to herself. "Let's not get into that right now."

-OOO-

Timmy worked up and wondered why had even been out in the first place. He groggily sat up. And looked up. Everyone was sitting around him. Well, everyone except for Vicky, that was. "Err… what's going on?"

His mother helped him stand up. "Are you all right, Timmy?"

He felt the back of his head. And found a nasty bump there. "I think so, mom. And I think someone hit me with a rock." _Vicky no doubt_.

His mother enveloped him in a tight embrace. "Oh, Timmy, I'm just glad that you're still okay.

Fanny stood up and dusted off her hands. "It would seem that the gang's all here."

The sun was now well over the horizon.


	32. Wanda Regains Her Memories

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 32: Wanda Regains Her Memories

Written: 16 Mar 2006-29 Mar 2006

Posted: 30 Mar 2006

Momma Cosma opened her eyes.

Her Cosmo-lulu was close by. She could feel it. Now was her chance to prevent her baby from making a dreadful mistake. But after rescuing Cosmo from marriage to that awful creature Wanda, she would have to the proper wife for him. But that comes later. For now she had to keep an eye out for her son.

Momma Cosma got up and turned to Mr. Turner. "Your son is nearby, Mr. Turner."

"He is?" He scanned the surrounding hills. "Where?"

"Nowhere you can see," she said quietly.

Mr. Turner looked at her with suspicion in his eyes. "Then how do you know?"

"Trust me, Mr. Turner. A fairy knows these things." She smiled knowingly.

"What on Earth are you talking about!"

"Never mind that." Momma Cosma was looking out the window of the land rover. "Here they come."

"Here who comes?"

She provided no answer. Instead she steered the car in an apparently random direction. "Now where are we going?"

"To meet them of course."

She still didn't deign to say who they were.

-OOO-

A hush settled on them as they returned to the campsite with the three newcomers. "The first thing we do," The Oracle was saying, "is find your husband, Wanda."

"Cosmo," Wanda said.

"Right.

"The second thing is that we wait for Momma Cosma and see what she is _really_ after."

"But isn't she after Wanda?"

"Yes, Timmy. But I don't think that she is the only thing she wants dealt with. She _did_ release her after all."

Timmy nodded. "That's true. But you don't know?"

"I'm not a mind-reader, honey. I only see the future."

"Who is this Momma Cosma?" Wanda asked.

It was Fanny who answered. "Your mother-in-law, dear."

"Oh." She hiked in silence for awhile. Finally she said, "Do we get along? My mother-in-law and me?"

"Actually… no."

"Ah."

For the next several minutes there was only silence as they made their back down the mountain. The silence didn't last long.

The sounds of vultures came from above. Timmy watched them warily. "Must they do that?"

"Yes, honey," Mrs. Turner said. "It's just what they do naturally."

"Yeah, but do they really be doing it here?"

Mrs. Turner simply shrugged.

-OOO-

The sounds of vultures came from above. "Ooh, look at the pretty birdies." Cosmo was staring at the circling birds with wonder in his eyes.

Momma Cosma sighed. Why must her son be such an idiot? Was a boy with just average intelligence too much to ask for? For surely he had to be one if he was planning on doing what she thought he was planning on doing.

Just what did he see in _her_ anyway? What sort of she-devil magic had she cast on him that would attract him to her? And draw him away from his mother? Or was it just pheromones? Whatever the reason, Momma Cosma wasn't going to let it take her Cosmo-lulu away from her ever again.

"Are you done yet?" Mr. Turner's voice intruded into her thoughts.

"Yes. Yes. I'm coming," she called back. She had stopped the car because she had to do some lady's necessary business. She had on her way back when she had spotted her son. "But I don't think we'll be needing the car anymore."

-OOO-

When they returned to camp, they found nothing but burnt-down tents and their gear and supplies scattered around the site. "What happened?" Mrs. Turner asked. "Who could have done this?"

"You were right, Miss Oracle," Fanny said. "We should have left a guard."

"Funny. I would have expected that something would have been stealing, not the whole camp being burned to the ground," Vicky mused. Everyone's attention was immediately drawn to her. "What! I didn't do it."

"She's telling the truth." Timmy hated to be on Vicky's side, but she was right. She couldn't be the one did it. He had been watching her almost the whole time. And she couldn't have possibly have gone up to the campsite, did all this damage, and return in the slim time that he had lost sight of her.

"But if she didn't do it," Sally said, "then who did?"

Fanny and The Oracle exchanged a glance. "The Fairy Squad," they said.

"Oh."

Timmy clenched his fists. "You mean we haven't lost them?"

"Oh, I think we lost them alright," Fanny said. "But apparently they found us again."

"Ah man. Now what do we do?"

"Set up camp again, I suppose," Wanda shrugged.

Timmy wasn't sure. But for a split second there, he could have sworn that Wanda had returned to normal. But then she was back to looking like his mother.

A.J. looked to the hills around him. "But what do when the Fairy Squad returns?"

The Oracle smiled warmly. "Why, we defend ourselves of course.

"Of course." He was non-plussed by the answer. "But how?"

"Oh, we have our ways."

-OOO-

"Why is there a diner at the foot of these mountains?" Timmy asked suddenly.

"Why shouldn't there be?" Fanny said. "There's been one as long as I can remember. And as you're probably aware, that's quite awhile."

"Yes, we know, mother," Lucas said.

They were now finishing up setting up the new camp, practically on top of the other one.

"It just seems to be a really odd place to put a diner."

"Well, you know they put really weird things in all sorts of weird places," Vicky said as she leafed through her teen magazine. "What of it?"

"Just wondering is all." He never enjoyed talking to Vicky. This time was no different. "I'll go see what Wanda is up to now."

"Okay." She sounded sincere, but Timmy knew better.

He faded away and headed for Wanda's and his mother's tent. As he passed the tents, he wondered where they gotten all those new ones. Well, no matter. Timmy quickly found Wanda.

She turned to him and asked, "Timmy, could you help with me something?"

He started. It wasn't Wanda. It was his mother. "Sure thing, Mom. Do you know where Wanda went?"

"She went to get some water. Whom I would like you go help." She disappeared into the tent. And returned with a bucket. "Could you fill this bucket for me?"

"Of course, Mom."

Mrs. Turner showed him where to go.

And he went.

-OOO-

Wanda looked up from the canteen she was filling, and saw a green-haired fairy staring back at her. For some reason, seeing this fairy gave her no small amount of comfort.

And she could have sworn have sworn that she had him somewhere before…

"Wanda!" The fairy flew forward toward her with out-stretched arms. "I've found you!"

Well, maybe she had seen him somewhere before. "Do I know you?"

"I should think so. I'm your-"

"My husband," she said. "Cosmo."

Wanda waded through the creek, as they moved closer to embrace.

But as they grew close, an arrow landed in the ground between them.

Wanda looked up. And paled. "You!"


	33. Belinda Finds a Book

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 33: Belinda Finds a Book

Written: 7 Apr 2006-30 Apr 2006

Posted: 30 Apr 2006

Instead of responding to Wanda, Momma Cosma turned to Cosmo. "I think you should leave, honey. I don't think you will want to see this."

Cosmos glided over to Wanda and embraced her. "Not without my wife."

"I'm touched by your committee to your wife, Cosmo. But I'm afraid that must do I have to in order to get you away from that awful creature." She did not look sorry in the slightest bit.

"You tried separating us before and I don't see how this time is any different."

"Oh, this time is different alrignt. This I'm alone." She nodded. And a host of fairies came swarming in from every direction. "I have the Fairy Squad on my side."

"Oh." Wanda considered this point. "I see." She grabbed her husband's collar and began running. She didn't know where she was running to, but she figured that her mother-in-law would be takened by surprise.

But she found herself rushing into an immovable wall. She fell on her butt and looked up in dismay. Apparently, Momma Cosma hadn't been so surprised after all. She calmly strode forward and looked down on Wanda. "You didn't think that would work, did you?"

"No, not really."

"Then what were you doing, Wanda?" Cosmo was adjusting his collar. "It's just momma. There's no reason to run."

"Oh, yes," Momma Cosma said. "What indeed?"

"What is this all about? What are you trying to accomplish with all this?"

"Now, dear," Momma Cosma admonished her. "We mustn't ruin the surprise." She clicked her fingers. "Take the boy. Leave the girl."

Wanda's eyebrow twitched. Did her mother-in-law just call a _girl_ of all things? Darnit, she was a full-grown woman, not some flirt-with-every-guy-she-meets girl like Blonda was. She drew her husband closer. "You'll take Cosmo over my cold, dead body."

"Fortunately, that won't be necessary." She nodded. And something hit Wanda on the back of her neck.

And everything went black.

-OOO-

"Guys, do you know what's taking Wanda so long?" Timmy hadn't seen his godmother in awhile. He was beginning to wonder if something had happened to her. So he had went to talk to his mother. "Should I go and look for her?"

"No, I haven't, Timmy," Mrs. Turner said, drying a plate with a washcloth. "But I'm sure she's fine. She is a fairy after all. We can take care of ourselves you know."

Timmy sighed. "I don't know, mom. I've seen Cosmo and Wanda get into some real trouble over the months."

Mrs. Turner set the plate with the others. "Perhaps, you're right, honey. I'll go talk with Fanny and see if we can get a search going for her."

"Thank you, mom."

"Don't mention it, honey." She stood up. "We have a fairy to look for."

Timmy followed his mother up. And together they went to look for Fanny so that they could search for Wanda. He had the feeling that they were going to need all the help they could get.

They reached Fanny's tent, and they waited. When the wait lasted for several minutes, Timmy asked, "Uhm… what are we waiting for, mom?"

"I wish I knew, Timmy. But for some reason I don't want to disturb The Oracle."

"The Oracle? Doesn't have her own tent?"

A voice came from the tent. "Come in." Huh. It was The Oracle. Wasn't she in the middle of whatever that she did.

They went into the tent. The Oracle was just getting up from the mattress on the floor, while Fanny remained sitting behind the little table in the middle of the tent. Fanny looked up from the paper she was signing. "Oh yes. Maria. Timmy." The Oracle nodded to each in turn. "Anything I could do for you?"

"It's Wanda," Mrs. Turner explained. "She seems to be late from that water run."

"That is odd, but I'm sure that she's perfectly all right. No need to worry."

Fanny plunked her pen as if in sharp retort. "Nevertheless, I think we should look for her. No offense, Oracle, I'll rest more comfortablely once I actually set sight of her."

"No offense taken. I understand perfectly."

"Excellent." Fanny clapped her hands. "Let's get going then." She stood up and ushered everyone out of the tent.

Outside Lucas was standing by the tent waiting for them. "Mother, there's something I think you want to see."

"Oh… what is it?"

"I'm not entirely sure. But Vicky is in the middle of it. Literally."

"How do you mean?"

"I think that I had better show you."

"Alright." Fanny nodded. She turned to the others. "The rest of you look for my daughter."

-OOO-

Wanda woke up with a dull ache in the back of her head. And a bump, she discovered through some gingerly probing. Momma Cosma was clearly a hard woman. As she carefully sat up, she got her bearings.

For some reason, they had left her right where she had fallen. That's strange. Why was she left behind?

No matter. She had to return to camp and warn the others. Cosmo was in the hands of hid mother.

-OOO-

Lucas's fiancée, whatever her name was, paused to get her breath back. She looked over her shoulder. "I think I lost them." Timmy could see why she was out of breath. She was carrying a heavy leather-bound book in her arms. What could possibly be in it to make her go through so much trouble? Especially with her broken leg.

And where had she been for all that time anyway?

Lucas looked thoughtful. "Have you seen Wanda while you were out?"

Timmy arched an eyebrow. So he had noticed that his sister was missing. What else did he know?

"What's this book?" Mrs. Turner asked.

"I think it's Momma Cosma's diary."

-OOO-

Big Daddy wailed when he heard the news. Though Blonda didn't quite believe it. Wand dead? It just simply couldn't be true…

Could it?

No, it wasn't. But how to tell daddy that? "Daddy, that messenger came from the Fairy Squad. You should know better than to believe everything they say."

Big Daddy looked at her straight in the eye.


	34. Searching for Answers

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 34: Searching for Answers

Written: 1 May 2006-9 May 2006

Posted: 9 May 2006

Vicky wasn't moving.

She just stood there, with a foot hovering in the air, staring vacantly into the distance.

"I see what you mean, Lucas," Fanny murmured. She rubbed her chin in thought. She had no idea what could have caused a young girl to be frozen in time like that. "Perhaps we should get A.J. to take a look."

"Okay, but I somehow don't think that he knows anything about magic."

"It never hurts to have a second when we do find somebody who actually knows what they're talking about."

A few minutes later, Lucas returned with A.J. and Sally. A.J.'s eyes brightened with joy when he saw the frozen Vicky. "This is something I thought I would think I ever would see."

"So I see that bad things _do_ happen to bad people," Sally added.

Fanny looked toward her son for an explanation.

Lucas shrugged helplessly. "She said she wanted to see Vicky frozen into place."

"I see." Fanny turned to A.J. "Did Lucas explain everything to your satisfaction?"

"No. He didn't say anything about why I should help."

"Yeah," Sally agreed. "Vicky is the foulest, most evil creature in the universe."

"And you can quote me on that!"

"The thing of it is, A.J.," Fanny began, "should you not help this young girl just because of she behaved in the past?"

"Actually it's me not helping her of because of what she's _going_ to do in the future."

"And how do you this for fact, hmm?"

"It's the same thing what she always does."

"But what if Vicky is so grateful to you that she never bothers you again?"

"That would be extremely unlikely."

"But there's still a chance, right?" Fanny pressed.

A.J. sighed. "I suppose that there's a very slight chance of that occurring."

"So perhaps that's a chance worth taking."

-OOO-

Timmy's voice was hoarse from calling out Wanda's name so many times. "Wanda! Where are you? Wanda!" He was still getting no luck. Wanda was nowhere to be found. He wasn't surprised, though. With all these rolling hills, box canyons, caves and switchbacks, you could hide an army.

He found himself crossing paths with The Oracle. "No luck, either."

Timmy shook his head.

"Me neither. Where could she be?"

He couldn't think of anyway of answering her question. "She's gotta to be around here somewhere, right?"

"Of course. She's in the last place we would think of looking."

-OOO-

Wanda arrived at camp, the dull ache in the back of her head already fading greatly. At least there was some aspirin in her tent, so the pain can go away completely. She had kept an eye out of another ambush, but fortunately none had been sprung on her.

She frowned when no one had come to greet her. That was funny. She had to have been gone awhile.

Well… they must have sent search parties to look for her. And everyone else was busy. Her second theory was proved when Juandissimo appeared carrying a water pitcher. She could tell from the water that he was sloshing everywhere.

He glanced in Wanda's direction and, upon seeing his ex-girlfriend, dropped the pitcher and rushed toward her with flung-out arms. "Wanda! You have returned to me!"

Before Wanda could say anything in reply, he got her a great, big bear-hug. "I wouldn't say that exactly."

Juandissimo released her. "Whatever do you mean?"

"You're my _ex_-boyfriend, Juandissimo. And I'm still happily married to Cosmo."

"Can it be true? You have your memory back? You actually remember Juandissimo Magnifico?"

"Yes," Wanda said wearily.

"It is good to see to see that you are still well."

Wanda began to head deeper into camp. "Where is everybody?"

"Oh," Juandissimo pointed toward the wild lands that Wanda had just left, "Timmy and The Oracle and Johnny went looking for you. Everyone else are trying to unfreeze Vicky."

Wanda blinked when she heard. "Pardon?"

-OOO-

A.J. had finally agreed to save Vicky from the weird time freeze she was. So he immediately began a close examination of her to find the slightest clue that could possibly help. He started at the top. As he worked his down, he continued to find nothing out of the ordinary. But he got to her left hand, something grabbed his attention.

Vicky was holding onto a funny-looking marble. "That' odd! What is this?" He started reaching for it.

A hand touched his shoulder. It was Sally. "I wouldn't do that."

Hmm, on second thought, she was probably right. That marble was undoubtedly the cause of whatever it was that had happened to Vicky. But how did you move something without actually touching it?

He turned to Fanny. "Does anyone have a pair of tongs that I could borrow?"

-OOO-

Johnny hadn't any luck locating Wanda. So he gave up and met up with Timmy and The Oracle under a long-dead oak tree to discuss how they were going to precede.

"You don't suppose that she had already made it to camp?" Timmy wondered.

"Maybe…" The Oracle looked off into the direction of the camp. "But if she did, someone would come here to tell us."

"If they could find us."

They sighed. There was nothing they could do except continue their searching. At least now Johnny had Timmy to help him look. Which was a very good thing indeed, as the dead hills around them were starting to get a little scary.

To pass the time, Johnny asked Timmy, "Does this sort of thing happen often?"

"All the time."

"Oh."

Timmy smiled warmly. "But I'm sure that you get into this sort of adventure with Juandissimo."

Johnny shook his head. "Not really. I just got him recently."

"Why did get a fairy? An evil babysitter?"

Johnny didn't answer right away. He didn't want to think about it just then. Let alone talk about.

A few minutes after parting with The Oracle, Johnny spotted a girl coming toward them, who kinda looked like his sister. As they grew closer together, he realized it _was_ his sister.

"Heather! What are you doing here? Of all places?"

"Looking for you. That's what." She reached out her hand. "Come on, Johnny. Mom's getting really worried about you." She looked down and rubbed her arm. "And so am I."

"Heather?" Timmy blurted out. "Who the heck is Heather?"

"Johnny's big sister," Heather huffed. "Who are you?"

"I'm Timmy Turner."

Heather's face darkened. "I have also been looking for you."

Timmy blinked a couple of times. "Pardon?"

-OOO-

"Momma Cosma has Cosmo!" Wanda said when she entered her mother's tent.

Fanny looked from the book that Belinda had given her. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. I've witnessed her take him myself."

"Do you suppose that Momma Cosma's diary could us here?" Fanny asked.Wanda sighed. "We won't know until we can get somebody to translate this for us. Which is something that not even A.J. can accomplish."

"He did help get Vicky free."

"True." Wanda left the tent, leaving Fanny alone to ponder the cryptic symbols within the book. Just how did Belinda come to conclusion that this was a diary? She wondered. Let alone Momma Cosma's?

And would Momma Cosma be stupid enough to actually place a clue for them to use in her diary of all places? But they had no other leads, so she might as well as try to decipher it.

Even though it was probably a red herring.

-OOO-

Wanda squatted down to get a closer look at the marble on the ground that recently had Vicky trapped in time. She looked so innocuous, yet no one dared touch it. That had been Vicky's second mistake.

Her first had been thinking that she knew everything she needed to know.

Wanda's thoughts were interrupted when Fanny opened the tent flap and poked her head. "We have a problem, Wanda. A.J.'s missing."


	35. Cosmo's Choice

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 35: Cosmo's Choice

Written: 9 May 2006-13 May 2006

Posted: 13 May 2006

Cosmo found himself sitting on a couch with a hot cocoa in hand in a beige hospital waiting room, waiting, of all things, for his mother to return. She was taking her time. She had said that she was getting "a special surprise" for him. Cosmo hoped that it would be something good. Like a pony. Or a bowl full of pudding.

There was always room for pudding.

His mother appeared at a side door with a wicker basket in hand. "I have a special treat for my Cosmo-lulu."

"Ooh, ooh. What is it?"

"Only your favorite." She raised a porcelain lid out of the basket, and the aroma was quite distinct. It was chocolate pudding.

His favorite.

As he began to snack on the pudding, his mother sat down beside him and put her arm around his shoulders. "Do you like the pudding, son?"

"Uh-huh."

"There's a lot more of it."

Cosmo raised his spoon in the air. "Bring it on!"

"Okay," Momma Cosma laughed. "But there's something I want you to do for me first."

"What?"

When his mother told him what it was, he flung the pudding into his mother's face. "I'll never do something so de-spec-tea-bull."

Momma Cosma wiped her face off with grace and decorum. "But do you even understand what I just told you?"

"I understand well enough!" He started to get up, but his mother pushed him back down.

"I'm sorry, Cosmo," she said softly. "But it has to be done. The future of Fairy World depends on it."

"I don't see how…"

She held him tighter. "Trust me, Cosmo. It's all for the best."

Cosmo wasn't so sure. "But what about Wanda?"

"Don't worry, Cosmo. She will be returned to you. As good as new."

-OOO-

Timmy ate porridge from a wooden bowl with a wooden spoon, even though it seemed a bit clichéd to do in a log cabin. He could taste the honey in it. It had even raisins in it.

But it was still porridge. The most bland substance known to man. (And some fish.) And he was eating the slob.

As Timmy was eating the porridge, he was also keeping his mouth shut as Johnny was talking with his sister. "You still haven't explained what you're doing here."

Heather pounded the table. "Looking for you. That's what. You leave the house. And you came back! How do you think we are supposed to feel?"

Johnny blanched. "I didn't think that-"

"That's right! You didn't think. Now what am I supposed to tell mother?"

"Say, just how did you get here anyway?" Timmy spoke up for the first time since they had got to the cabin.

"I don't see how that matters," Heather said in a tone that brook no argument. And Timmy half-wished that he hadn't said what he had said. "I'm here to pick up my little brother and bring home. Got it, twerp!"

Timmy winched. Heather held more than just a passing resemblance to Vicky. No wonder Johnny had a fairy godparent. Perhaps he should have kept his mouth after all. "I'm sorry."

"No, I'm the one who's sorry, Timmy." She began to stare out the window. "Actually I don't know how I got here." She sighed. "I just said I wished I knew where Johnny was and I found myself here. It was the weirdest thing really."

Timmy, who some inkling of what might have been the explanation, kept silent. She wouldn't believe if he told her. And if she did, she would probably press into areas he didn't want pressed into. In any case, Heather didn't look as if she wanted to be disturbed. So he ate his porridge in silence.

But they were interrupted by a knock on the door. Heather stood up. "Hide under the table while I go see who it is."

That was a strange request, but Timmy and Johnny complied anyway. They took their bowls and ducked under the table.

Heather cautiously opened the door and peeked outside. "What do you want?"

"Uhm, yes. I'm looking for two boys who by the names of-"

Timmy jumped out from under the table. "Miss Oracle! You found us."

Heather looked perplexed. "So you know this woman?"

-OOO-

Vicky entered the tent without preamble. "So, twerp, how did you do it?"

"I didn't do it," Sally explained. "It was A.J. who had save you."

Vicky snorted and waved her off. "Whatever."

Sally planted her hands onto her hips. "You know he didn't really want to unfreeze you. But he still helped you anyway."

Vicky didn't look impressed. "What's your point? And beside you didn't answer the question."

"Oh. Well… he took a pair of tongs and took the marble from between your fingers."

"Huh. I was wondering what happened to it."

"But it's the thing that you froze you in the first place."

"You should really mind your own business." Vicky started for the opening. "If you know what's good for you, anyway."

Sally sighed. "Look, Vicky. A.J. overstepped his prejudices. Perhaps you should the same."

"Look, twerp, I don't have any prejudices. Everyone knows that little brats are nothing but trouble."

"The only brat around here is you," Sally said after Vicky had left.

Vicky poked her head back in, causing Sally to jump. "Say, where is that egghead kid anyway?"

"How should I know? You should go ask Fanny."

"Fine. But I should warn you that should keep better track of your friends." Vicky left without returning, leaving Sally alone to fume.

-OOO-

Vicky found Fanny and the other fairies in a huddle discussing something that she couldn't quite catch. Stupid fairies! Didn't they have anything better to do? "Hey, what's going on here."

"It seems that A.J." Wanda replied. "And Timmy and Johnny and The Oracle still haven't returned from searching for _me_."

"Don't look at me. I didn't do it."

"No one is saying that, dear."

"You're all thinking it."

"Oh my. Aren't we paranoid?" Lucas said.

"Now, now, dear," Fanny patted his hand, "it isn't her fault how she ended up."

Now what was that supposed to mean? "I have a question."

"Yes, Vicky," said Wanda.

"The faster you the others, the faster we can leave? Right?"

Wanda nodded.

"Then you can count on my support."

-OOO-

Cosmo had thought and thought. (He had also looked for a way out of the hospital.) And he had come to a conclusion.

He was going to ask Wanda. She would know what to do.

But first he would have a find a way out of this crazy place. Now this door marked _emergency exit only_ looked promising…


	36. Johnny Finds the Others

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 36: Johnny Finds the Others

Written: 8 Jun 2006-26 Jun 2006

Posted: 26 Jun 2006

When A.J. had wakened, he found himself in what looked like Timmy's bedroom, but the scene out the "window" was painted, and the door just wasn't real. He had tried the door first, discovering it was a fake, before moving on to looking for less obvious ways out. But even after fifteen minutes of searching along all four walls, in the closet, under the bed, and every other nook and cranny he could find, he still couldn't find any. He lay back on the bed, completely unsure had to continue. There had to be a way of the room. He just had to find it.

Someone knocked on the "door." A.J. sat up. "I wonder who that could be," he said to himself.

The knock was repeated.

A.J. sighed. "I guess I had better go see who that is." He got off the bed and headed for the door. He blithely opened it up without considering the consequences like he should have. For once he had the door opened, he found the last fairy in the world he wanted to find.

Mama Cosma.

"What do _you_ want?"

"To give you the truth, A.J. That is all."

"Oh? Then why have you kidnapped me?"

She smiled sadly. "It wasn't me, let me assure you."

"Then who was it?"

"That's not important right now."

"Who was it?" he repeated.

If A.J. had thought that Mama Cosma would lose the slightest bit of her composure, he would have been wrong. "I'm not entirely sure," she said calmly. "But I believe it to be the Fairy Squad.

"Why should I believe you? Timmy says you're an evil, spiteful woman."

"You're going to take such a biased opinion at its word?"

Well, she did have a point. "Show me this proof of yours. Let me see for myself."

"Let me show you then." Mama Cosma held out her hand to him. "Come with me and I'll you things that only a few fairies, including myself, have seen in millions of years."

A.J. couldn't say he wasn't interested. But how was he to know if it wasn't a trap? How would he know that she was telling the truth?

As if she could hear his thoughts, she said warmly, "If I wanted anything… untoward to happen to you, it would be easily arranged."

"Then let's go," A.J. said without hesitation.

As he stepped out of the room, he spotted two fairies he hadn't noticed before. They were obviously here to be guards. But why would Mama Cosma need guards? Surely A.J. couldn't be a threat to her… "Just where are you taking me?"

"You'll see shortly." Mama Cosma begin to lead him away.

Of that particular sentiment A.J. had no doubt about.

-OOO-

Timmy sat beside Heather on her bed listening to The Oracle as she told her story. After their last encounter at the diner, she kinda fell onto some hard times. "I knew that I had to exit the vicinity very quickly lest Mama Cosma catch me. So I took the fastest escape I could find. The garbage chute."

"There was a garbage chute in that diner?" Timmy asked, mystified. He didn't think that diners had garbage chutes.

"Sure. Doesn't every diner have one?"

Timmy shrugged. He didn't know. But surely The Oracle would know things like this. She was the oracle here. (And he had thought that was one word he wouldn't need to know!)

"I found my way out of the dumpster, which turned out to be behind this very cabin actually."

Heather stood up. "You ended up in my dumpster? How did you get from the diner at the foot of the mountains to this cabin?"

"Magic would be my guess," The Oracle shrugged.

"Oh, right. Of course." Heather sat back down. "But I've been here for hours. And I haven't seen you until you knocked on the door."

"That's because I've been out looking for the others. Like Johnny is doing now."

"Ah. Of course.

-OOO-

Vicky removed a pebble from her shoe, hopping on one leg. She was beginning hate fairies most of all. They had the gall to drag her more than halfway across the county and expected to continue on twice as far. And they never bothered to tell her where they were going. The only question that remained was how Vicky was going to get back at them. But she was confident she'd find a way.

After all, getting back at people was what she did best. She had had a lot of practice at it after all.

She was next-to-last. She would have taken up the rear, but that Wanda creature was right behind her. How Vicky despised that fairy! And her little friends, too. Especially that Antino Bandaras wannabe. Where did he get off not trying woo her? What did he in that frumpy, swirly pink haired freak anyway?

Vicky fumed as she hiked forward. But just dwelling on our problem wasn't going to get anything done. She had to get back to making those plans to get anywhere.

But there was a little fly in her soup however. They had magic. And she didn't. That would some disadvantage to overcome, but surely there was a way.

There always is.

All she had to look out for it.

They were cresting a hill when Wanda shouted. "I think I see Johnny coming this way."

"Oh, just great. One more twerp to bother me," Vicky said under her breath.

Sally shot her a glare. "I heard that, Vicky. Don't think I won't tell them what you tried to do."

"Whatever, twerp." Vicky hadn't even known that the little twerpette was even there. If she had only her mouth her mouth shut, Vicky would have still had her glow from her making evil plans. At least she had to decency to leave her presence. It was too much like slinking to suit Vicky. But at least she was gone.

-OOO-

Cosmo floated into the door that he had just opened. It had been marked nurses' lounge. Some of Wanda's friends were nurses. Maybe one of them could lead him to her.

He promptly ran into a squad of fairies accompanied by his mother. They didn't seem particularly welcoming.

"Can't we all just chalk this up as a big mistake?" Cosmo was really sweating now. He particularly didn't like the way those guards were pointing their wands at him. He was starting to get the feeling that he had done something wrong!

Mama Cosma floated forward and embraced her son in wide arms. "Now, now, dear. There's no need to worry."

"What do you mean there's nothing to worry bout? I can't find Wanda anywhere."

"It's just as I told you, sweetie. She's no good." She kissed him on the forehead. "But don't you worry, Mama's here to protect you."

He realized something then. She was the one behind everything that had been happening to Wanda lately.

For the first time in his life, Cosmo was afraid of his own mother.


	37. To the Hospital!

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 37: To the Hospital!

Written: 27 Jun 2006-22 Sep 2006

Posted: 22 Sep 2006

Timmy groaned when he saw Vicky enter through the door. It wasn't that he hadn't been expecting her to come. Seeing Vicky was always a disappointment. It meant that she wasn't somewhere else, not bothering him. Heather stood. "Did you know that it's rude to enter someone's house without knocking first?"

"This isn't your house."

"Yes, but I knocked before I discovered it was unoccupied."

"Now how would you know that?" Vicky stepped aside, allowing Mrs. Turner in. "Just steps did you take to determine the place was empty?"

"Don't mind her," Fanny said as she floated into the cabin. "She's a little cranky from the long hike across the countryside."

Out of the corner of his corner, Timmy saw Heather keel over onto the floor. Guess she wasn't prepare to meet a real live fairy. Though it was first time that he had saw someone fainted when being introduced to a fairy for the very first time.

"Hey!" Johnny stood up and pointed finger toward his fainted sister. "You did that on purpose."

"I'm afraid that nothing could be farther from the truth." She paused. "I'm sorry, Johnny, but I didn't know she was there. I thought you and Timmy were alone."

"Not hardly," Timmy said.

"Ooh, my mistake then." She floated toward the splayed-out Heather. There she pulled out a vial from an unseen pocket. "This should get her awake." She waved the vial under Heather's nose.

Timmy watched in interest. He knew this trick. You waved something nauseous smelling under somebody's nose, and it was supposed to wake them up. He had never seen it fail.

Until just then, that was.

"That's odd." She a took a whiff of the vial herself. "It's empty. I wonder how that could occurred. It was on my person the whole time."

All eyes pointed toward Vicky. "Why does keep blaming _me_ whenever something happens? I'm not the source for all that is evil, you know."

While he was fairly certain that was true, he said, "That still doesn't mean that you're _not_ guilty, Vicky. You have got to be the worst babysitter on the planet."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are-"

"That's enough of that!" Fanny's voice cut through the air like an axe, drawing everyone's attention. "We have serious issues here. This is no time to have quarrels among ourselves."

"Yeah, twerp, so pipe down."

Timmy gave her an icy glare but kept his silence.

Fanny sighed. "Does anyone know a way into the Fairyworld Hospital that Momma Cosma wouldn't?"

Wanda looked confused. "Why there, Momma?"

"Because that is where the secret entrance to Fairy Squad Headquarters is located."

"Then what are we waiting for?" The old man asked. "Let's get going."

-OOO-

Momma Cosma checked each _I_ and every _t_ to see if they had been either dotted or crossed. Nothing like improperly done paperwork to make one look like a slacker. The third _I_ she spotted wasn't dotted. Typical. Binky was never much of a fairy.

There was a knock on her day.

"Come in."

Her secretary poked her head in. "A Mr. Von Strangle is here to see you, ma'am."

"Excellent. Send him right in."

"Right away, ma'am."

After she left, Mama Cosma clasped her hands on the desk and waited patiently for old Jorgen to enter her office. He wouldn't be bothered her unless he had something important to say. He never did anything unless he had something important to say.

Like he was wont to do, he barged into the room. "What have you done?"

"Doing your job, for one thing. The fugitive Fanny is still at large."

"That's just it." Jorgen leaned forward and planted his hands on the oaken desk. "All your Fairy Squad goons are interfering with my investigations. I suggest you get them to stop. OR ELSE!"

"Or else what?"

Jorgen explained evenly, "You would rather not know."

"Is that so? I have it on good authority that you wouldn't hurt your own daughter."

"What? You're not my daughter. You're older than I am."

Mama Cosma snapped her fingers. "Rats! I had thought that would work."

"I'm not the muscle-bound idiot you seem to think I am. Cease your meddling. NOW!"

"Didn't your mother ever teach that it's rude to simply barge into a girl's office and start barking out orders?"

"My mother would agree with me. _I_ have the authority here."

Momma Cosma smirked. "We'll just have to see about that."

"Sir!" Binky flew into the room. "We can't find Big Daddy anyway!"

"YOU INCOMPENT FOOLS!"

Mama Cosma raised an eyebrow. "You were looking for him?"

"The trash hasn't been picked up on time. He is getting lazy lately. I can't be having that."

"Aw… you poor, poor baby. Is there anything I could do for you?"

"Yes. Tell him that Jorgen is looking for him." Without another word, he left.

"You're lucky you caught him on a good day."

"My dear Binky, luck has nothing to do with it."

-OOO-

"It's clear," Lucas whispered.

Fanny poked her head out around the corner and just as quickly pulled it back. "Excellent." She turned to Timmy. "You know what to do?"

He nodded.

"Good." She patted him on the shoulder. "Go get them, tiger."

Timmy nodded, before scampering off toward the Fairy hospital. He ran as fast as he could. (And it seemed that running away from bullies like Francis really built the leg muscles.) But as fast as he was running, he still got the feeling that a patrolling fairy was just about to look out a window or something and spot him and sound the alarm.

The courtroom was much bigger than it ought to be. It took forever for Timmy to reach the other side. So when he did, he began to breathe a little easier. He hoped that he would never have to run like that ever again. Though that was probably what was going to happen to him sooner or later.

Timmy would say that it would be sooner and not later.

He hid behind a dumpster when Fanny signaled by waving a colored fan that a guard was coming. When he spotted the guard, actually it turned to be two of them, goose-stepping in tune to each other, he began to wonder what in the world could be they hiding in this hospital.

The rest of them made the same mad scramble across the courtyard. None of them had been spotted. Until it was Fanny's turn….

Just as she made the three-quarter mark, a brilliant searchlight was cast on her and bullet was fired in her path, and she froze, apparently hoping that they wouldn't notice her. "YOU. STOP WHERE YOU ARE. DON'T MOVE." Timmy couldn't see where the voice came from.

Fanny continued to not move. "Just what of racket are you running here?" she called back. "Since when does a hospital have armed guards?"

"SILENCE! WE'RE THE ONES ASKING THE QUESTIONS HERE."

"Jeez. Pardon me." Then a thought seemed to have occurred to her. She cocked her head. "Say, boys, just how much are you getting paid?"

-OOO-

Why won't this bloody headache just go away? She had had this kind of migraine before. And it usually meant something very bad was about to happen. Something very, _very_ bad. Something that would overturn her plans. And that was just something that Momma Cosma couldn't let slide. She had worked too hard for too long to them fall.

Her intercom beeped. "A Mr. Wilcoski is here to see you."

Right. Her three o'clock. "I'll be out to see him."

After checking her hair and adjusting her dress, she floated down to the front lobby to meet him there. As she passed the receptionist, the receptionist looked and said, "There hasn't been a patient check in for a while. I hope there's nothing wrong."

Momma Cosma touched her arm. "Oh, I wouldn't worry about it."

The receptionist nodded.

The front door opened and a fairy in a Hawaiian shirt floated in.

"Walter! I'm so glad that you came." She greeted him with open arms.

He returned the greeting before embraced her. "Cosma, you are as beautiful as ever."

"Oh, I bet you say that to all the other girls," she said, blushing.

"True. But tell me that you didn't enjoy it."

She demurred. "It's still good to see you after all these years."

"He's here," the receptionist said.

"I'll see in a bit, Walter. There's something I have to do first."

Walter nodded. "I understand." She clasped Momma Cosma's hands before heading to her office.

Suddenly the entire lobby exploded in flames. "Where is she?" a familiar voice bellowed out from the smoke. Her first thought was that this was the _bad thing_ her headache had warned her of.

As the smoke cleared, Mama Cosma tried to hide her coughing as she said, "You realize of course that this is coming out of your retirement fund."

Big Daddy scoffed. "No one is touching my retirement fund."

"Okay," she shrugged. "Your bank account then."

"Fine then. I'm just looking for my daughter, who you had kidnapped." Blonda whispered something in Big Daddy's ear. He shifted gears. "I mean you're aren't taking any of my money or keeping my daughter."

She simply smiled. "Oh, it won't be me that's doing it. It'll be your wife." She put her hand up to her ear. "Ah, I believe that's her now."

"You don't expect me to fall for that, do you? I know my wife when I hear her."

"What in Fairy world is happening here?" an all-too familiar voice asked. "Don't you a trash collection service to keep going?"

"Fanny-poo? What are you doing here?"

_Fanny-poo?_ Momma Cosma loved to watch him squirm. But this is too much. She got nauseated just from thinking about it. _Fanny-poo?_ It was time to get this conversation back on track.

"Oh by the way," she said in the most nonchalant voice she could muster, which was pretty-darn nonchalant, "Jorgen came by. He told me that he was looking for you. You must have missed him."

"Hey! People don't come looking for me. I come looking for them."

"Your wife does have a good point you know. The trash isn't being picked up like it should."

"I don't tell you how to do your job. You don't tell me how to do mine."

"Are we forgetting Article 7, subsection 13, paragraph 45, line 2?"

Big Daddy slumped his shoulders. "No."

"Then be good boy, and go get to work before Momma Cosma is forced to enforce its provisions."

"Come on, love muffin. Let's go home."

"I'll be along shortly, dear," Fanny replied. "There's one little thing I have to do first."

"Don't take too long."

"I won't."

They blew each other kisses, and Big Daddy left with Blonda in tow. Their parting reminded her of her husband and bought a tear to her eye.

"Now, Momma Cosma," Fanny began, "I believe we some unfinished business to deal with."

"Now I do believe you are right." She paused, frowning. "But didn't you have an entourage with you? A band of roadies?"

"They're safely away somewhere. Now let us discuss the return of Cosmo to his wife."

She checked her watch. "No it isn't time yet."

"What do you mean it isn't time yet?"

"Just give it a minute."

"Are you on some kind of a clock?"

"You could say that…." Momma Cosma had it on good authority handling the current crisis in this matter was the best way of going forward.

"That's weird."

Momma Cosma shrugged indifferently. She waited calmly while Fanny began to eye her closely. Events had to be run in their own course, and she hardly in any kind of hurry. Nothing happened for what seemed like forever, but it couldn't be but a minute at the most.

"Now."

Timmy appeared and before Fanny could do a thing about, Momma Cosma grabbed him and had her wand pressed against Timmy's temple. "I believe that _now_ is the time to talk."


	38. Everyone Gets Captured

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 38: Everyone Gets Caught

Written: 27 Sep 2006-9 Oct 2006

Posted: 9 Oct 2006

"Timmy! Just what do you think you are doing here?"

"But I thought you had called for me."

"No." Fanny was starting to get a bad feeling about this. Not just because Timmy had disobeyed a direct order to stay with the others, though Fanny had the impression that he wasn't in the habit of following orders, but also because Momma Cosma had known that he was coming. That fact alone never boded well. Fanny had had some dealings with the woman in the past the past. Damn her and her schemes! "No, I didn't."

"Then who did?"

Momma Cosma smiled daintily.

"Oh." Things weren't exactly going in the direction that Fanny had hoped that they would. But how to put things back onto the right track? Fortunately Fanny knew trick. She hoped that it would work. But it needed time, a resource that she seemed to be in short supply of.

So she decided to play to Momma Cosma's weaknesses. "Do you know where is your son is?"

"Of course I do. Don't play games with me, woman. I have a loaded wand here and I'm not afraid to use it."

Fanny smiled. "Yes, but you can't use it to harm humans." But she was bluffing. She knew that fairies could all sorts of nasty things to a human without actually hurting them. She knew from experience with Sally what was and what wasn't possible.

"Actually," Momma Cosma replied, "I was going to turn him into a pig."

Fanny gasped. "Don't!" The idea of somebody being turned to a pig… was just disgusting. She sighed. "I'll do as you say." Or at least pretend to.

"You don't need to worry, Fanny," Timmy said. "I've been into a pig before. It isn't so bad. Really."

Momma Cosma raised an eyebrow. "Oh? I guess maybe I will have to turn into something else then." She paused to think of what it might be.

Fanny took this opportunity to act. She fired a blast at the lights, sending a shower of sparks to rain down.

And everything went black.

-OOO-

Timmy hid under the floorboards still trying to catch his breath. Everything had happened so quickly. It was a wonder that he hadn't been caught already. So what did happen there? Why had he been able to escape so easily?

Quickly he began to think. Fanny shot the magical blast toward the lights plunging the room in shade. That was a great help, except that the front doors were uncovered. So the room was quite light up. And that Momma Cosma had had the grip of a steam shovel. But for some reason she let go of Timmy and… did something.

Timmy just realized that he was probably paying attention to her as he should have had. Now he had absolutely no idea about what's going.

And where's Fanny?

He didn't remember seeing her since Momma Cosma was pointing a wand at his head. And then just like that, she was gone.

Timmy swallowed. It could only mean one thing.

Fanny had been captured.

Or worse.

Ever so cautiously, Timmy opened up the trapdoor overhead took a look around. No one was in sight. He breathed a sigh of relief. Now he could look for Fanny. And everyone else too. With no time to lose, he popped out and shut the trapdoor behind him.

"There you are, twerp!" Timmy froze when the voice blasted into him.

-OOO-

Cosmo floated down the hall and found the nurse's lounge. He opened the door and spotted his cousin. "Lulubelle! What are you doing here?"

"I work here, silly. I'm a nurse, remember? But what are you doing here?"

"I'm looking for Wanda."

"Who's Wanda?"

"She's my wife."

Lulubelle dropped her coffee cup. "You got married?" Then she got kind of pale. "I have to find myself a **man**." And without another word, she rushed out of there, nearly knocking over Cosmo in the presence.

"Okay. See you around, Lulubelle." He sighed before continuing back on his way. "It's always good to see the family."

He continued down the hall, checking every door that he could open for his beloved Wanda. But every door he looked behind still had no Wanda.

And there was an awful lot of locked doors.

Cosmo stopped in his search when he spotted the human kid wandering the halls. What was really noticeable about the kid was that his baldhead looked like an egg. Though he did look familiar. "What's you in here for, kid?" Cosmo asked. "Did your mother stick here in here to keep you away from your wife?"

"What? I'm not married. I'm just a kid."

"Riiight." Como wasn't born the day before after all.

"Say, have we met? You look like someone I have seen before."

Cosmo shook his head. "I don't think so. Must be somebody else."

The 'egghead' sighed. "I supposed that you're right." He looked around. "What is this place anyway? A sanitarium."

Cosmo got the chills. "It's much worse." Then he scratched his head. "What's sand-a-tour-him?"

The kid considered the answer. "It's a place where they mentally ill."

"Does that include being an idiot?"

"No. I wouldn't think so. Because if they did, they would have to lock up about half of everyone." Then he seemed to remember something. "My name is A.J."

"Oh right," Cosmo said as he shook A.J.'s. "Mine's Cosmo."

"Well, good to meet you, Cosmo. But don't you think that we best be getting out of here."

"Right."

It was several minutes after they had parted ways before Cosmo remembered who that was. It was one of Timmy's best friends, A.J. Ibahim. He went back to look for him, but he was no longer there. "Well… if he got in," he reasoned, "he must know the way out." And if A.J. was there, then perhaps Wanda was as well.

-OOO-

"Funny meeting you here, Vicky." Timmy laughed uneasily. You can never rest too easy around Vicky Spain around.

"Oh, real funny." Vicky was leaning by the door that led to the gift shop. "Yes, real funny. Especially after what I'm going to do to you."

Timmy swallowed. "Which is?"

"Just what I've been wanting to do all week long." She began to approach closer and closer, flashing a smile devoid of any good humor.

Timmy backed up slowly. Sweat formed on the back of his head. "Uh, Vicky, we're in a public place. You'll get caught."

She stepped forward. "As long as I get you before that happens, I don't really care."

Oh.

He felt as if he were falling.

That sinking feeling got worse when he backed up into someone. He looked up. "Ah, I have finally found you," Momma Cosma said.

"Yipe!" Timmy tried to get away, but Momma Cosma caught him.

"Don't run, Timmy. Your friends are waiting for you."


	39. Into the Cold Waters We Go

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 39: Into the Cold Waters We Go

Posted: 13 Jan 2007

"That Timothy Turner never does what he is told." Fanny frowned so hard that Wanda was worried that it would freeze like that.

"I have often ran into that problem myself with him," she confirmed. "I just don't know what to do with him."

Fanny patted her hand. "Just keep up with it, Wanda. He'll get better with time."

Wanda sighed. "I do hope that you are right. I would hate to think of how he would end up if he kept it up at this rate."

"I know, dear." Wanda looked across to the other couch, where Mrs. Turner and the old man were having a conversation. About what, she couldn't tell. They were talking too softly for her to overhear. But Maria didn't seem too concerned about his missing son. Just when was she going to wake up to the fact that her son was missing again? She didn't seem to notice. Was she really oblivious to her son's whereabouts and what he was doing? Just what kind of parents were her and her husband?

And where was Mr. Turner anyway? Wanda hadn't seen him in sometime. Not since the diner. She hoped that he was doing all right.

Even though, _Mrs._ Turner didn't seem bothered by _his_ absence either.

Sally appeared. "Fanny, when do you think that Timmy will show up?"

"Don't you have any concern that A.J. is still missing?" Wanda wondered.

"Oh, he can take care of himself," Sally dismissed. "He's not an idiot. Like Timmy is." She snorted.

"But I'm sure that he has his good point. Right, Sally?"

"He probably does. But I'll never find them."

"Sally!" Fanny chided her. "That's no way to talk about a boy who could very well be dead."

"But they're fairies. Surely they wouldn't allow a human child to come to any harm."

"Errr…"

Sally must have picked up the hesitation in their voice. "What aren't you telling me?"

Wanda and her mother exchanged an uneasy look. "Do you want to tell her, or should I?"

-OOO-

When Timmy was led into the office, or what he could only assume was supposed to an office at any rate, he could see that it was completely empty. Where did all the furniture go? He ventured a glance at Mama Cosma. She just didn't look too pleased at the results. She grabbed one of her soldiers. "Where are they?!"

The solider could only shrug helplessly. In a fit of rage, she pushed him back. "You're useless. I would get more help from a brain-dead monkey.

"And I have!"

Vicky looked absolutely miserable when she was forced to kneel next to Timmy. "I hope that you realize that this is all your fault, twerp."

He nodded. "Yes," he said wearily. He was prepared to accept some of the blame, but not all of it. But he wasn't about to tell Vicky that. She looked like she was liable to rip his head off if he dare challenge her word.

So he didn't.

"No talking," Mama Cosma ordered. "Can't have you sharing escape plans with each other after all."

"Oh please," Vicky sneered. "Like I would ever share anything with _him_. I would rather eat my own foot off."

Mama Cosma blanched when she heard Vicky's colorful use of language. "No talking," she repeated firmly. She nodded. And the two fairy guards came forward with a rope in their hands. "Now, don't make a fuss. Or these nice guards would be forced to hurt you."

Timmy was perfectly content to let them tie him up.

Vicky, on the other hand, wasn't nearly as cooperative. She struggled the moment the guards started approaching her. They didn't seem too pleased by this.

In the end, Vicky probably should have regretted her rashness. She had been manhandled like she was a calf at a rodeo. Instead, when she could no longer move, she just went into a tirade against the fairies who had just tied her that calf. "You call _these_ knots? I can tie tighter bonds in my sleep! And you call yourselves thugs."

The taller fairy guard tilted his head. "Actually, ma'am, nobody has been calling us thugs."

"We just have been called Fairy Squadies and just plain-old guards," the other one added.

"Oh." Vicky seemed to be at a loss for words. And all the steam ran out of her tirade. And she proceeded to study her knees.

"Are you quite done yet, sweetie?" Mama Cosma asked. "I would hate to have to gag you."

Vicky nodded.

"Good. I would hate to have my linens dirtied by your filthy mouth."

Filthy mouth? Vicky might have evil, mean, and vindictive. But Timmy had to admit that she had never uttered a single obscenity.

At least not in his presence. Though she had with him an awfully lot as of late….

The scowl of Mama Cosma's, though, told Timmy all that he need to know. Apparently Vicky _had_ used obscenities. In the moments between when they had been caught and when they came to this room, when Timmy had been far too distracted to notice what Vicky might had been saying to Mama Cosma. From what little Timmy recalled, they had exchanged quite a few words. Any one of them might have been unacceptable to Mama Cosma's ears.

Once they were both snuggly bound, the fairies, apparently satisfied with their knot-work, returned to Mama Cosma. "Now you can talk and struggle all you want," she cooed. "It won't do you a lick of good. Those ropes that you're tied up with are enchanted. There's no absolutely no way you can untie them."

Timmy started to believe that he wouldn't get out of this alive when Mama Cosma began laughing maniacally as she locked the door behind herself and her goons as they left.

"This can't be good." Apparently Vicky agreed with him. Which was hardly ever a good thing. "We have to do something. Quickly." She struggle against her bounds, seemingly futilely.

Timmy didn't seem to get any results from his struggles either. "But what, Vicky? There isn't anything we can do about it right now."

Vicky shot him a murderous look. "Dwelling on _your_ shortcomings is no way to get out of this mess or, more importantly, to get _me_ of it. THINK OF SOMETHING!"

Timmy thrust his chin into the air. "Why should I? _You're_ the babysitter here. It's _your_ responsibility to take care of _me_. _You_ think of something!"

"Fine. But don't expect me to get you those bounds, twerp. You're the one I hate the most."

Timmy sighed. "How can I forget? You try to make me miserable every chance you get."

"Tell me something that I don't know, twerp." She began sneering at him. She snorted. "You never do anything right." She began rubbing her wrists, which were free from the knots.

Timmy looked on, amazed. "How did you do that?"

Vicky looked at him with disdain. "You wouldn't help, so I'm not going to help you." He didn't like the smile that had formed on her face. "Besides I like you being all trussed up like that. I think I'll keep you like that."

Timmy swallowed. He really didn't like where this was headed.

Especially when Vicky picked him up as if he were a package that she was delivering and started to attack the door with her foot.

But before her foot could land, the door was flung open and Timmy's dad appeared with a confused look on his face. "So, Timmy, it's funny meeting you in a place like this." His dad rubbed his chin in thought. "Say, just what are doing here in the first place, young man? Shouldn't you be back home? Where it's safe?"

"Gee, I would love to, dad. But things sort've… happened since I was at school last."

"Just what sort of things, young man?"

"Well…" For one thing, he was still tied up like a Christmas turkey and his father still hadn't seemed to notice. And, for another, he seemed to be caught in some kind of plot amongst the fairies. Something he knew better than to get involved in. But he couldn't his dad all that. It would take too long. They had to get of there.

Now.

"That's nice, Mr. Turner." Vicky had dropped all appearances of hostility and acted as sweetly as she could manage. Which Timmy knew from experience was an awfully lot. "But that was exactly what I was planning on doing. _Dragging_ your son back home with me."

"Excellent." Mr. Turner nodded approvingly. "Then let's get going then." He frowned. "But aren't you going to untie Timmy?"

"I can't." Vicky shrugged helplessly. "I had simply tensed up my wrists and ankles when they were tying me up. The big lugs never noticed. And I simply slipped my hands out." She produced the ropes, which were still tied in knots. "See?"

"Oh." He picked up his son. "Now how do we get out of here?"

"Look for an exit." Vicky shrugged.

"Yeesh! A brain-dead monkey could have come up with a better plan than that!"

Vicky pointed down the hallway in an off-hand, casual way. "That way?"

"Works for me!"

Timmy sighed. Here they went again.

Off they went.

-OOO-

Sally fumed. No one was telling her anything. Not even Fanny, her fairy godmother of all people! Sally had tried to wish that Fanny would just explain the whole situation, but she had just given an explanation that just didn't make any sense.

She slapped her forehead. It had simply never occurred to her to wish for an explanation that made perfect sense. Now that it had occurred, she decided to hunt out Fanny and make that wish.

Fanny had seemed to have disappeared.

-OOO-

"Why are we here?" Vicky demanded. "What's going on?"

They had just traveled through a labyrinth of halls and rooms to reach this ice-water-filled swimming pool. Which was something that Timmy didn't get. Why would anyone want to have a swimming pool full of ice water?

"How should I know, twerp?" Vicky snapped at him.

"Wha?"

"You said your question out loud."

"Oh."

Mr. Turner, meanwhile, was staring thoughtfully at the chilly waters. "What is it, Dad?" Timmy asked. "What are you looking for?"

He looked at his son with a gleam in his eye. "Do you think those binds of yours come off in cold water?"

"What? Do you really that fairies would really be that stupid?"

An explosion rocked the hospital.

"Let's find out," Timmy declared.

"Okay." Vicky, without hesitation, plunged headfirst into the icy water.

Timmy hoped that he wasn't making some of kind of dreadful mistake by following her in.

At least the ropes came off….


	40. Promises

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 40: Promises

Posted: 18 Sep 2007

Fanny watched the column of smoke grow over the building. "I hope our little distraction bought them enough time to escape."

"We can only pray. There is nothing more that we can do for them now." Wanda sighed, staring thoughtfully at an old television set. "Although I wish otherwise."

"I understand, dear. I would feel the same if you were the one that was missing."

"Thank you, Mom." A thought seemed to occur to her. "What about Big Daddy?"

"Oh, him?" Fanny touched Wanda's shoulders. "You know that I would."

Wanda appeared to be mollified. Which was fortunate. The truth would be far too uncomfortable for her to bear.

Soon she spotted Sally running her way. She sighed. Here comes the moment of truth. And she didn't think that she would be able to take it very well. Her or Sally.

"Just follow my lead, Wanda."

Wanda nodded.

When Sally reached Fanny's side, she looked very cross at her. "Yes, how can I help you, dearie?"

"You still haven't told me."

"No."

Fanny waited for Sally to say anything more. But it seemed that Sally was waiting for _her_ to say something. She would have to wait a while. Fanny was just not ready to share the secret just yet.

"Well?"

Fanny leaned her head. "Before I tell you, Sally, there are some questions I think I should ask you first."

"Like what?"

"How do you feel about Timmy Turner?"

"Who?"

"The boy with the pink hat," Wanda supplied.

"He's all right. I guess. But when we are going everybody?"

"People are missing?"

Sally nodded.

"Who's missing?"

"We're the only three who aren't."

Fanny swore. "Why am I always the last to find these things out?"

"You're not, mom." Wanda rolled her eyes. "_I'm_ usually the last."

"I know what you mean!"

"What about the others!"

"Don't worry, Sally. We'll find them."

"Do you promise?"

"I promise."

What other choice do I have?

-OOO-

Timmy, huddling under a blanket dripping wet and freezing his butt off, stuck there with fiends and family, his dad and his mean, old babysitter, wondered if he might have been a mistake somewhere down the line. At least he could say that he had led an eventful life…. That's always a plus.

But why had he have to make such a dumb wish anyway? It always led to even misery for him. And not for the first time, he wondered how wishing for a new babysitter could have possibly got him into _this_ mess. There just was so much about Fairyworld that he didn't understand. He was starting to feel like a complete idiot.

"Mr. Turner," Vicky said through chattering teeth, "this is _all_ Timmy's fault."

Timmy wasn't surprised by that. But what did surprise him was his father's reaction to it. "What's Timmy's fault?" He sounded just about cheerful about it!

"Us being stuck here. That's what!"

Mr. Turner began to laugh. It was kind of creepy actually. Timmy was starting to think that his father was losing his mind. It wouldn't be the first time that he had such thoughts. "Whoever said that we were stuck here, Vicky?"

She leveled her gaze at him. "You know a way out of here, Mr. Turner?"

He took in a deep breath before speaking. "Not exactly."

"What!"

"But only because we haven't looked yet is all."

"We did too, Mr. Turner. But found no sign of any door, window, air vent, or anything else of the sort. Except for that." She pointed to the pool of icy cold water that they had just come from. "And I ain't going that way. Not again."

Mr. Turner smiled. "You might not have to. You never know about these things…."

Vicky rolled her eyes. "Oh. All right. I'll look. But I'm not promising that I will find anything."

Timmy had his own doubts about the whole searching idea as well. There weren't exactly that many places to look! But he agreed to look. After all, what else was there to do?

Now that their clothes were at least _semi_-dry, they could get back dressed to begin their search. Hopefully it wouldn't take long, though. Timmy's clothes were still a bit chilly. Even his underwear was stealing his warmth!

When they were all finally dressed, (Timmy blushed when he had caught sight of Vicky's bare, naked hip. He tried not to think of what _wasn't_ uncovered.) they all got started on the hunt.

The search took much longer than any of them had hoped that it would.

-OOO-

Mama Cosma had picked up the filthy habit of chewing her fingernails again. It was all that Wanda creature's fault. Why that… that woman had decided to make her life a living heck she didn't know if she would ever know. Not that it really mattered. Wanda would get hers in the end.

Though how she got the three prisoners out remained a mystery. Ever since the raucous in the hospital no one has seen her. Except for that one rumor that was going around….

Fortunately she didn't listen to rumors. They were far too distracting from the things that _really_ mattered.

Like getting her Cosmo-lulu away from that Wanda-creature. And she was now down to Plan Q….

"Mama Cosma, the final piece is place," a young aid informed her. She remembered him. He was the one with the cute tush.

"Excellent. Then let's proceed, shall we?"

"Yes, ma'am." He whistled and two burly-looking fairy squad members appeared carrying a young boy who was bound and gagged. Despite those bonds and gagged, he was disagreeing most vehemently with his recent treatment. Mama Cosma couldn't catch the words, but the gist was most plain to see. She didn't blame him.

"Remove his gag." Her order was immediately carried out. "Sorry about that, sweetie. These Fairy Squad thugs can be a bit… harsh in their methods."

"You just wait until my fairy gets here. He'll kick your butts with both hands tied behind his back!"

Mama Cosma rolled her eyes. "Put the gag back on."

It went back on.

Some boys were just too difficult to work with. Actually most boys were. But that was to be expected. "What is this boy's name, Sydney?"

"I believe it's Johnny Matthews, ma'am."


	41. Showdown

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 41: Showdown

Posted: 15 Oct 2007

There were only three of them, so they chose against separating during their search for the others. The last thing that they wanted was even more disappearances. There were only three of them left!

Sally hoped that they wouldn't run into that Timmy boy. She was still miffed from the time that he had seen her bare butt. It had been his fault for staring at it when it appeared!

Even so, Sally was starting to get worried. Even after three long hours of searching through the junkyard failed to pick up any sign of the missing. So they had begun looking _outside_ the junkyard. Fanny was confident that they would better luck out here.

Though Sally doubted it. She had seen too many people disappear on the news to hold out much hope. They were goners for sure. Still she had _some_ hope. Just not very much.

"I think I've found something!" Wanda knelt over a bare spot in the grass. At first Sally didn't see anything special about it. It just looked like an ordinary dirt patch. But then she started to see something rather odd. A hairpin lay in the exact center of the bare spot. Now what were the chances of that happening? "I wonder whose hairpin this is?"

"It's Juandissimo's," Fanny replied.

"What? How can you tell that?"

Fanny winked. "Trust me on this, Wanda."

Wanda gave her a puzzled look. Sally didn't blame her. Wasn't Juandissimo _Wanda_'s ex-boyfriend? Wanda didn't ask for an explanation, and Fanny didn't volunteer one.

Sally figured that it was nothing. "So what do we do _now_?"

"Why, find our friends of course."

"But how are you going to do that?"

"By using this hairpin that Juandissimo had so thoughtfully provided us."

"How are we supposed to do that, _Mom_?" Wanda wondered. "What makes _this_ hairpin so darn different? It looks just like an ordinary hairpin."

"Ah, that's where you are wrong, Wanda my dear," Fanny said, holding up the hairpin for them all to see. "It's far more than just an ordinary hairpin. It has been enchanted with all sorts of interesting spells. Including, incidentally, tracking down its owner."

Wanda raised an eyebrow. "Oh really? What else does it do?"

"Oh… a few other interesting functions. I'll have to tell you about them sometime."

"But why haven't you told me about this hairpin _already_?"

_That_ question Fanny didn't answer. She instead said, "Now let's find our missing Don Juan, shall we?" She recited an incantation that Sally couldn't quite catch, and the hairpin began to spin in mid-air. But it soon slowed and began to have picked a direction.

Toward the hospital where Mama Cosma and the Fairy Squad were.

"Just as I suspected." She took the hairpin and stuck it in her pocket. "Come on. No sense in hanging around here. We have a boy to save."

Sally nodded. "She's right, Wanda. This boy needs help. And who else but us to give him it?"

Wanda shook her idea. "I don't know. I'm all for saving children and all. But what if it's a trap?"

"Of course it's a trap, Wanda. But that's still no reason not to go. Who are we? Juandissimo?"

Fanny might have seemed calm, but Wanda's fears got Sally worried. What if it _was_ a trap?

-OOO-

Oh, bliss. Finally she had a prisoner that she could interrogate.

"Where is Wanda?" she repeated.

"Why should I tell you _that_?"

"Oh… besides the fact that you're tied to a rack that could pull your spine apart… hmm, let me see…"

"All right! I'll tell you." He took in a deep breath. "As soon as you tell what's in it for me of course."

Mama Cosma's forehead throbbed. The impudence of this boy! He was hardly in any position to be making bargains. "Fine! Have it your way, _your majesty_." She clicked her fingers. And her two assistants began to turn the wheels that pull on the boy's spine, causing it to be stretched _very_ uncomfortably. But they only got through a couple of clicks before she clicked her fingers again, signaling them to stop. "So what is your answer _now_?"

"Ah… much better. I had thought that crick in my back would _never_ go away."

"Blast it! This is supposed to be torture! Not Physical Therapy!"

Despite having his arms stretched over his head, Johnny somehow managed to shrug. "Don't look at me. I'm not the one who made this thing!" He grinned. "And I know a little secret."

"Oh? And what would that be?"

"That fairies cannot harm human children!" an all-too familiar voice informed her.

"Auagh!" Her heart leapt into her throat. Standing there, in front of everyone and nowhere near a door, was Juandissimo Maginifico. And he couldn't have poofed into the room. It was shielded against that sort of thing. She would have given her right pinkie just then to know where _that_ handsome hunk of jerk had come from. And how he had popped into the room like he had. He was getting to be quite the nuisance. "What the hell are _you_ doing here?"

Juandissimo shrugged. "Saving my godkid. What else?"

Mama Cosma quirked an eyebrow. "What else indeed?" She snapped her fingers. "Get him!"

The guards moved to capture Juandissimo, but he proved too quick for them. He dropped to the floor, causing, predictably enough, the Fairy Squadies to bump their heads against each other's. Fortunately Mama Cosma wasn't relying on them to capture Juandissimo too much. After all, her mother had always taught her that you should always have a contingency plan in place. And Mama Cosma usually had three or four.

She snapped her fingers.

And the _real_ guards rushed into the room. Ah yes. Now Mama Cosma breath easier.

"_This_ could be a problem," Juandissimo admitted. But then he grinned. "But something else that you don't."

More secrets! "Oh? And what would that be?"

"My friends are on their way."

Mama Cosma. "They won't be able to help you where you're going. Take them away, boys!"

But before anyone could move, the room suddenly began to fill with smoke.


	42. Getting Where You Need to Be

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 42: Getting Where You Need to Be

Posted: 31 Dec 2007

Sometimes you find secret doors in the darnedest of places. Like behind the shower for instance. Although it was perfectly understandably why no one had thought to look at the ceiling for a way out. The ceiling was ten feet overhead. Timmy would have missed it entirely if he hadn't noticed the funny-looking crack up there.

"That looks promising," he said when he spotted it.

Vicky and Mr. Turner looked up from their fruitless search of the floor. Vicky didn't look very impressed with it. She frowned as she _tsk-tsk_ed at Timmy. "I don't see anything. Just a little crack in the ceiling."

Timmy sighed. Why must Vicky be so difficult? Even at her own expense? "It's there all right. You just have to look harder is all."

"Yeah right." Vicky looked but for a second or two before simply giving up.

"Oh well," Timmy said. "We don't need her, do we, Dad?"

"Actually we do."

"What! How can you say that, Dad?"

"Timmy, she's the most dexterous of us three and the most likely to get that trap door overhead open."

"Oh."

Now there was something he hadn't considered. He usually thought of Vicky as a brute, not a precision instrument by any means. Frankly he was skeptical of the whole thing.

But Vicky smiled bashfully, as if Vicky ever got bashful. Which she didn't. "You really think so, Mr. Turner?"

"Of course I do, Vicky. So don't you help us get of here with your mad getting doors open skills?"

"But I don't have- Oh yes, now I see what you mean, Mr. Turner. You two stand back and leave this," she said, popping her knuckles, "to the master." She looked up at the ceiling. She nodded at it every so often. Apparently she actually did know what she was doing.

Then she suddenly laughed sheepishly. "On second thought, could you help me get up there?" Okay maybe she didn't know what she was doing.

Mr. Turner nodded. "But of course, Vicky. Come on, Timmy. Vicky's going to all the help that she could get with this one."

Timmy sighed. Great. Just what he had always wanted to do. Help Vicky. But it seemed that he didn't have much choice in matter though. So he did what he had to do. "All right. I'll do it."

He knew he was going to regret this.

The regret began immediately when he found out that it was _his_ shoulders that Vicky would be standing on. It didn't particularly help when Vicky seemed to enjoy it a little too much. Or that it had been her idea in the first place. According to her standing on Mr. Turner's shoulders alone just didn't give her enough height to reach the ceiling.

Timmy didn't exactly believe her. It was obviously just another way to get back at her for all the things that he had done to her. Even though she had started it.

She began working on the trapdoor.

-OOO-

There seemed to be more corridors than Sally had remembered. Had they simply made more hallways? They were fairies after all. They could do that sort of thing. And they probably did all the time, for all that she knew. Not that it mattered of course. No fairy trick was going to stop them from doing what they need to do to get the boy out of the trouble that he had dug himself into.

Timmy had to be somewhere within this maze. Her fairy godmother had told her that was so. And she was never ever wrong.

At least not yet.

"So Fanny," Juandissimo asked after peaking around a corner, "what do we do now? I haven't seen hair or hide of anyone since we got into this place."

"There wouldn't be," Fanny sighed.

"Pardon?"

"I'm afraid that it's a trap."

"Yet you fell so easily into it too." Sally gasped when she heard the voice. It was the wicked stepmother of Fairyworld. Mama Cosma. "Funny. I would have thought that you would have been a little harder to capture than that." She was approaching them from the other end of the room.

Suddenly a trapdoor in the floor and Vicky stuck her head out. And locked eyes with Sally. "Oh great. Another twerp." She looked at each of the others in turn. "Did I interrupt anything?"

"Not really," Fanny replied off-handily. "You haven't interrupted anything at all."

"That is most correct," Mama Cosma agreed. "Your unwarranted intrusion would hardly sway me from my task."

Vicky was pulling herself out of the hole. "Isn't that super? I found myself a couple of fairies arguing with each other." She laid down on edge of the hole and reached into it. "Don't mind me. We're just passing through." Before Sally's astonished eyes, Sally watched Vicky pull Timmy out of the hole.

"Timmy, what are you doing here?"

"Looking for a way out of here, that's what."

"This isn't it," Mama Cosma told him.

"Darnit."

"In case you're wondering, Timmy, where your mother is, I know where she is."

"Oh?" Timmy seemed really interested in hearing the answer.

But instead of answering, Mama Cosma clicked her fingers.

And the room began to fill with Fairy Squad soldiers.

"Oh snap," Timmy's dad after poking his head out of the hole in the floor, being pulled up out of it by both Vicky and Timmy.

"Mr. Turner? What are you doing in there? Is there anyone else down in there?"

He shook his head. "Nope. I'm the last one."

"Darn. I was hoping that there was somebody who can help us down there who can help us."

"Hey," Vicky complained. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Before Sally could answer, even if she wanted to, a air conditioning vent was kicked out of the ceiling, and Johnny fell into the room. After getting up from his not-so-soft landing, he looked around at his surroundings. And at all the fairies that were now in the room. "That's funny."

"That' s what I had said," Vicky said.

Momma Cosma nodded, evidently pleased with what had just occurred. Apparently everything had gone according to her plans. Whatever they might prove out to be. "Ah, now that everyone is here," she told them, "the _real_ game can begin."


	43. Timmy's Decision

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 43: Timmy's Decision

Posted: 20 Oct 2008

Everything had suddenly grown silent in the large chamber. For several moments, no one moved.

But then Timmy broke the silence.

"A game?" he asked rather naively. He really didn't have a clue what was happening at all. "What game? I didn't think that you liked games, Momma Cosma!"

She narrowed her eyes. "What could possibly have given you such a preposterous idea like that!" Her tone left Timmy still a little confused about whether she liked games or not. "I just absolutely adore them. Don't I, my little dove?" she called back behind her.

Several seconds passed before it became clear that no one was coming was even answering her question. Timmy, despite no change in Momma Cosma's expression, got the impression that she was starting to lose her patience. "Cosmo, would you be a dear and get out here?"

Still no answer.

Momma Cosma laughed nervously. "Would you excuse me for a second?"

"Sure," Wanda said.

Nobody else raised any objections either, so Momma Cosma rushed off into the backroom, no doubt to fetch Cosmo.

Once Momma Cosma was gone Timmy's friends helped Vicky and Timmy's dad into the room. "So now what?" Vicky asked. "We're still not exactly alone here," she added, indicating the Fairy Squad fairies that still surrounded them, who didn't look any less mean than before.

"I'm sure that we'll think of something," Fanny assured her.

Momma Cosma soon returned with her son in tow. "Ah, yes. Now we can begin."

"Begin?" Timmy wondered. "Begin what?"

Momma Cosma grinned. "You shall see. You shall see." She kissed her son on the forehead. "Won't we, Cosmo?"

Timmy shivered. He never did like the displays of the affection that Momma Cosma gave her son. They gave him the creeps. Of course Momma Cosma gave him the creeps, but that was neither here nor there…. "Yeah yeah. Can we just get on with this?"

She sighed. "Oh very well." She pressed a button on a remote that she gotten from _somewhere_ and…

Nothing seemed to happened.

"Okay," Timmy demanded. "What was that all about?"

"You like to have the answers to your questions no matter how much you don't need to know, don't you, boy?"

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"

But no answer was forthcoming. Instead she said, "I'll show you what you have been dying to see for years."

"Oh yeah," Wanda demanded. "What would that be?"

Momma Cosma smiled. Timmy didn't like that smile. It reminded him of sharks about to feed. "In a minute. It has to be dragged first. It _is_ rather large."

"What is it!"

"You'll see."

Timmy hated it when people tell him things like that. "Is this going to take long?"

"No. Of course not. Why would you even ask such a question?"

"Well…."

"I never talk on and on and on. That is Wanda's problem. Not mine." Wanda rolled her eyes and muttered something about the pot calling the kettle black. "Now let us get down to business." Momma Cosma began to laugh evilly. "Now, what are to do with you, Timmy Turner?"

Timmy ran the other way.

And Wanda ran after him.

"STOP THEM!!" Momma Cosma screamed.

-OOO-

On the other side of the hospital, Howard and his little friend were huddling over a map of the complex. He thought that his name was Jimmy but wasn't entirely sure about that. He had only heard the one time and he hadn't been paying very much attention at the time. Well whatever his name was, the boy had yet to come up with one good idea. "There's ain't no way that I'm shimmying up that sewer pipe, boy. And there's no way that you're passing off yourself as a high class dame."

"Yeah, but-"

"Just leave it to me, boy. I'll come up with something."

Jimmy simply shrugged. "You might as well. I can't seem to come up with anything." He seemed sullen for some reason.

"What's wrong, kid. You seem a little down."

"It's my sister. Do you think…. Do you think that she will miss me?"

Howard patted him on the back. "Jimmy, if she's anything like my sister, she won't miss you a bit."

"Thanks. I think."

"Don't mention it."

"I won't."

They spent the next thirty minutes trying to think of a plan, without much of any success. It made him aware how old and decrepit, and senile, he had already became. It was strangely comforting in a way.

But what was Jimmy's excuse?

Finally, though, Jimmy spoke up. "I've got it!"

"Well, Jimmy, don't leave an old man in suspense. What is it?"

"It's Johnny, sir."

"Whatever. The point is, kid, people really can't be trusted."

"But what about you, sir?"

"Especially not me," Howard warned. He had enough to worry about without adding this kid's problems to the pile. He would probably be more depressed. And be even more of a pain.

"Okay, kid. What do you have?"

-OOO-

Momma Cosma didn't look too happy just then.

"What's wrong, Momma?" Cosmo wondered. It was hardly the first time that he had ever seen his mother like this. Whenever she had been like this before, it had usually meant bad news.

His mother sighed and looked away. "It's nothing, dear. Don't worry about it."

"It doesn't seem like nothing, Momma." He paused. "What's going on, Momma?"

"Nothing that you should worried about, sweetie." She kissed him on the forehead. "Mommy will have it solved not too shortly from now."

"Okay, Momma. I trust you."

-OOO-

A propane tank sat in the middle of the courtyard.

When Timmy spotted it, an idea started to form in his head. "Wanda, what it would take to blow up that propane tank over there?"

Timmy hadn't had any goal when he had ran from Momma Cosma. But seeing the propane tank, maybe his run had somehow been guided by a higher power.

The look on Wanda's face just then wasn't exactly very promising. "You can't that blow up, Timmy! That's the tank they used to heat this whole hospital up in the winter. It will be very expensive to replace."

"But don't you use your magic to do that sort of thing?"

"It would take a lot of fairy magic to replace that much propane."

"Just how much propane are we talking about here?"

After Wanda told him, (It was an unbelievable amount.) he whistled. "I didn't think that you could keep all that propane in some place like that."

Wanda shrugged. "All it takes is a little pressure." She studied him closely. "Why? You aren't going to try something stupid, are you?"

Timmy pretended to be shocked. "Who me?"

Wanda didn't seem to have fallen for it. She just looked him in the eye, clearly looking for an explanation. "You usually do."

He shrugged. "Being smart didn't work. Maybe being stupid will."

Wanda sighed. "Okay, Timmy, what do you have planned?

After Timmy told her, she shook her head. "No, no. That won't work at all."

"But, Wanda. What choice do we have?"

Wanda sighed again. "I guess that you're right, Timmy." She looked up. "Now what do you want to do with the propane tank?"

"Exploding all that propane is bound to cause quite a distraction, right?" Wanda nodded. "Can your magic do the trick?"

Wanda waved her wand to see. Then she shook her head. "No, the anti-magic field is still up."

"Darn it!" He sighed. "I guess we will have to do this the old fashioned way."

"I wouldn't recommend it, Timmy," Wanda warned.

"Come on, Wanda. What choice do we have?"

Before anyone could do anything, the tank exploded and everything went dark.

It was funny how some things work out like that.


End file.
